I am still unsure on your wife honestly....while she has shown some MLC tendencies...she also has some of the WAS catalysts you have admitted to. Either way.....you have issues that you are dealing with....and that is the most important thing.
Thanks Lost. Yeah I kinda of feel like she is a little of both. I do believe she has completely checked out, which is why I struggle with should I stay or not. As I posted earlier I need to sort this out and sort it out soon. I may suggest a LS, which is what she originally asked for and see where is goes but I'm not sure yet. I just know that I may not be able to deal with a sexless/emotionaless M. The logistic may mean that I remain in the home for a period of time but it just may be the closure that her and I need. If their were no OM I would really try and stick it out but with OM consuming all of her attention and with her inability to let go of the anger that she feels the outcome is really dim. The Sept date was a date that I pushed - however, she did ask for a LS in January and I was able to postpone. At the time I thought that additional time would help but part of me really feels that she needs to live her life single.
By the way i appreciate your perspective.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Don't believe...Know that is fact the case...because it is.
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As I posted earlier I need to sort this out and sort it out soon.
In the end what is more fulfilling...riding a roller coaster for a 30 seconds or sitting by a quiet stream in silence for a day?
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If their were no OM I would really try and stick it out but with OM consuming all of her attention and with her inability to let go of the anger that she feels the outcome is really dim.
Don't focus on what I am about to say....but the truth is 90% of these relationships fail in 6-12 months....90%. For god's sake...my wife was sure she was a lesbian. The OM is a symptom of the problem...not a cause. Statistics say he will disappear.
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At the time I thought that additional time would help but part of me really feels that she needs to live her life single.
She does need it...that is why you go dim and work on yourself. Let the fantasy of single life hit her full in the face (she will find it is not pretty as my wife did).
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The logistic may mean that I remain in the home for a period of time but it just may be the closure that her and I need.
Would you rather be home in a house you know with your children or home alone in a house were the children come for only a brief period of time?
No they won't. And not because you got answers. Sometimes you realize the questions weren't all that important and don't even matter. I hope you get there.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
A long weekend ended with an MLC backflash. I worked three evenings at the bar this week....so I am a bit tired. Overall things were basically quiet...until Sunday. A few of my wife's co-workers came into the bar Saturday night and I mentioned to her Sunday morning that they were there.
That eventually turned into "Why doesn't anybody like me?" and a woman who spent the whole day on a very short fuse. None the less...I gave her space and listened when talked to. She does have a predicament and maybe we all do. She is tired of friends who want something...whether it is they want to f#ck her (her words) or for her to do them a favor....it seems like everyone she meets wants something. So we talked about her friends and how she wants friends just like me...smart, insightful, etc...:). We also spent some quality time both Saturday and Sunday morning in bed just talking and snuggling a little bit which was just another small change in our relationship modus of operatus.
She is now reading Covey's book on highly effective people....currently she is working on focusing her concern on things she controls and removing herself from things she doesn't. She has done ok...we will see how it goes.
Currently....the economy has to change, but I am worried about the recent economic data released. Things appear to be heading in the wrong direction very badly. I am not worried so to speak...but more people I know have been layed off in the last few months to add to the pile of people I know who can't find jobs....I don't have an answer for this, but hopefully it comes soon.
Jack-Sounds like the trip went well. Reminds me that I need to do the same...priorities...priorities.
Currently....the economy has to change, but I am worried about the recent economic data released. Things appear to be heading in the wrong direction very badly.
Can I vote for this. PLEASE!!
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but more people I know have been layed off in the last few months to add to the pile of people I know who can't find jobs....I don't have an answer
I started in Infidelity, but after hearing Puppy's advice I knew something was different in my situation compared to the ones he deals with...just didn't know what at that point.
Then I posted briefly in 180's-but that board is basically dead for advice
Moved to walk away-But once again the postings just didn't seem to fit
Ended up in Separated and then eventually Jack found me.....then I was able to find my home. Of course by that point I was well on my way to fixing myself. Overall I didn't post much until now....I find it spiritually fulfilling to help others deal with their journey.
Oh yeah....my wife never mentioned changing her name....maybe an MLC hint on her part?
So I am on day two of advanced DB'ing communication tactics applied to real world applications. See my wife has been moved up into a supervisor position. Of course with that comes dealing with staff in an efficient and productive manner.
So to expand on myself...until I was let go in 2008....I was being trained to take over as the division head in my company. So on top of the usual field specific training...I had to forgo many hours of training dealing with supervision and improving productivity, team awareness, etc....So in essence, I am a trained manager (as opposed to some one who is just told they are a manager).
So as I listened for two days....it was awfully hard not to interject and try to "Fix" the situation. I validated often and repeatedly...slipped once or twice trying to offer suggestion, but caught myself.
So why am I discussing this....I just want to implore on us all that DB'ing techniques shouldn't just end when you have started to rekindle the flame....they are a tool that can be used for almost any situation. The old me would have been giving suggestions all day on how to fix things....the new me validated....shared resources that she could look at if she wanted....but in the end I changed the situation from trying to force my world on her to just listening and trying to understand her frustrations....the same can be done with my kids, friends, co-workers, etc....as we say all the time....the changes are for you and in you changing, others get an even better reward.
