I haven't been on these boards in a coon's age, don't know what prompted me tonight but since I see a lot of familiar names on this thread, I'll post here.
I'll give the briefest of updates:
Despite having been a successful Piecer in 2002, having learned a lot about myself and having a few more valuable, sometimes wonderful years with my husband, he moved out January 2009. I was devastated at first, but after he'd been gone a couple of months, I looked around and realized "wait a minute, I think my life is better without the constant walking on eggshells and worrying about his moods!!!"
Although I'm still horrified at the pain he caused our children (don't get me wrong, he's been a good dad, but they were mystified at seeing their parents steady marriage evaporate), at least they were almost grown (late teens, early 20's) and there was little drama. Ex doesn't look happy but he has the thirty-something Asian chick he always wanted, I hope she's a nice person.
My life is still a little unsettled, but once I let go ("let go or be dragged" was my mantra) joy and fabulousness entered my life. I learned to play the drums in a rock band (last summer I played Highway to Hell in front of 2,000 people! Honest!!). I've reconnected with old friends that H didn't enjoy but I did, and made many many new friends that I love to pieces (but H wouldn't have liked). I've received enough compliments from other men, including much younger men, to dispel my ex's warped image of me. And I have a sexy new boyfriend, who gives foot massages and likes Sees chocolates.
I have peace in my heart that I did the very best I could to save my marriage. I also have peace that my ex wasn't a bad guy, just someone who couldn't handle what life threw at us. My illness, his concussions, our innate differences....it all just got too much for him and he was a wild animal who chewed his arm off to get out of the trap. I wish him well, I sincerely hope he finds the happiness he seeks.
I feel that all my time here on these boards prepared me so well, that I had already worked through most of my grief and issues the first time around, when he had his affair in 2002. This go round, it was a very accelerated process, and I am emerging on the other side just fine. Thanks to all the accumulated wisdom here, I feel confident about my future.
You might wonder why I didn't post about my journey here sooner - frankly, I didn't want my kids to read it, they were having a tough enough time.
Ellie - It has been a long time...so sorry to hear how things ended with your ex, but happy to hear that you are indeed a success story - happy and whole. (hey, I thought that was my mantra, btw! I must have "borrowed" it from you!)
I think I read it in your post, just about the time my hair was falling out by the fistfuls from the stress, and something clicked (after all, NO guy is worth losing your hair over!!!!).
Still, I figure I got 25 mostly-good years out of him, more than most get in this world. And it's impossible to be sad when you're drumming rock and roll!
Hey Ellie! Great to hear your happy! and after all isnt that whats most important? coming out of this, happy , healthy and having our childrens love and respect?
Hope things stay good for you, you deserve it!
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
thanks for posting that. The words about accelerated processing ring true for many and in FIB"s case, he's there...so ready to be done.
(Actually, We are all ready for HIM to be done!)
again, thanks b/c it's important that people read these things from someone "on the other side" ---who isn't hating their life... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
14 days Fib...I remember when it was months, then 100 days and now we are at 2 weeks...
No matter what, soon, there will be some increase in your day to day peace. That's an improvement. So, yay!
Cheers! Hugs! J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Wow...bittersweet...so happy to see you yet, well....hey, the bottom line is as my friend frank_d has said from the beginning:
Originally Posted By: frank_d
You'll be OK
Ellie was on my thread from so far back. Know what Ellie...she is still watching The Bachelor.
The 'standers' would never agree to this, but, being here and almost done now, I truly believe that EVERY marriage is worth trying to save. None is worth being destroyed and living in distrust and pain. There are people who build and there are people who destroy.
Keep drumming Ellie and, if you pardon me, I hope the sex was/IS great!!!!!!!LOL.
13 days until trial. I am preparing. Atty has filed a motion for sanctions against her atty and also for relief for the thousands of documents he continuously asks for. I will literally have to go to court with a handtruck and 4-6 file boxes with receipts for 10 years worth of a two page request rider.
I drove home the other night and STBXW's passenger side car window was broken into in our driveway. Her wallet was stolen from out of the car. She had left it on the passenger seat, I imagine in full view. Of course, you know the looks I got and the subtle accusations:
STBXW (on phone with mother): "He just got home....about 10 minutes ago....don't know where he was....."
Etc. Her mother was over at my house 15 minutes later. Can't she handle her own affairs by now? Would anyone here need to call their mom at 42 years of age other than to tell them what happened? Estranged MIL gets out of her car as if STBXW had an MI:
MIL: "Where is my daughter???" Me: She's upstairs Mrs. X. I'll open the door for you (I was taking out the garbage when she drove up at 10:30PM).
Police was called by her to file a report. I think it was the same guy from the last call and you could tell he was either 'fed up' or we are on the 'excessive call divorce list' down at the station.
I'm tired of this all. It's been almost four years since the bomb and over 2 years since filing. I'm exhausted and tired of being under the microscope. I'm tired of waking up at 3 am when my son or daughter runs into the MBR because they had a bad dream and then sitting there for 5-10 minutes debating to myself whether or not I should carry them back in, let them stay or get on the floor to avoid being photographed.
I look forward to getting this done. I am ready to start anew. I want and need.....uh.....well....mmm...a new suit and clothes (LOL).
I'll miss everyone here. Most people know where I am over on 'visage livre'. I'm sure I'll hang on a bit longer mostly trying to help others, but, I think it's too painful to stay here after awhile. There is definitely comfort in seeing old names, like seeing Ellie back here. I'm so happy that you posted. Even more that there is life after D.
The dating pool will be quite different for us. Most people will be like many of us here: midlife, newly divorced with kids, financially torched. But, hey....it is what it is.
Trying to steel myself.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
