Does all of this apply in reverse when a man is questioning the marriage and the wife is the LBH? Kind of applies to my thread on "Last Resort Technique Modified".
I'm very confused if I should be doing 180s or LRT or both. (DB Coach Chuck said an LRT that isn't "Mean spririted" is good but I'm wondering if I didn't understand the 180s. He didn't use that term but did say my husband would think he knew exactly how I'd respond to everything and never change.
Thanks
M--14 years T--20 years, HS sweethearts dday #1--2002 EA dday #2--2005 bar sl*t dday #3/4--Feb 2010 texting/cell/physical/who knows what Shortly after found out he had been injecting steroids for 2 years
Just one note: you've started multiple threads which makes it difficult to keep up with you. Choose *one* thread to maintain, and post everything there. Post your questions there. If you post on other people's sitches, they'll post on yours.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
I apologize for being so blunt, SC. My intent is not to cause you more pain. And I have admitted many times on this forum that I have little respect for WAWs. I'm talking about the whiny, bored, selfish WAW who is disrespectful, dishonest, deluded, etc. To me, these are emotionally stunted people who refuse to seek help for their problems, real or imagined.
I mean, we all have our problems, but to wallow in childhood "issues" and then use that as an excuse to inflict pain upon a spouse is cruel, manipulative and sick beyond the pale.
Isn't it interesting at how selective they are about who is the recipient of these lovely antics? Would they pull this crap on their boss? A good friend? Or are they ever even directing it toward the persons who caused the "issues" in the first place? And does wallowing and picking through their past really help them? NO! They want the luxury of playing "the abuse card" ad nauseum.
Fine. Stay stuck and whine, you ridiculous WAWs. Enjoy!
And for the record, a WAW is not someone who leaves if there is addiction, physical abuse, or other risky behavior. That is a healthy, legitimate response to an impossible sitch.
Boredom, temptation, becoming middle aged, "wha-a-a-!!, my life didn't turn out the way I wanted" are not legit. That is all on her. And it is so lame!
Isn't it interesting at how selective they are about who is the recipient of these lovely antics? Would they pull this crap on their boss? A good friend? Or are they ever even directing it toward the persons who caused the "issues" in the first place?
I apologize for being so blunt, SC. My intent is not to cause you more pain. And I have admitted many times on this forum that I have little respect for WAWs. I'm talking about the whiny, bored, selfish WAW who is disrespectful, dishonest, deluded, etc. To me, these are emotionally stunted people who refuse to seek help for their problems, real or imagined.
I mean, we all have our problems, but to wallow in childhood "issues" and then use that as an excuse to inflict pain upon a spouse is cruel, manipulative and sick beyond the pale.
Isn't it interesting at how selective they are about who is the recipient of these lovely antics? Would they pull this crap on their boss? A good friend? Or are they ever even directing it toward the persons who caused the "issues" in the first place? And does wallowing and picking through their past really help them? NO! They want the luxury of playing "the abuse card" ad nauseum.
Fine. Stay stuck and whine, you ridiculous WAWs. Enjoy!
And for the record, a WAW is not someone who leaves if there is addiction, physical abuse, or other risky behavior. That is a healthy, legitimate response to an impossible sitch.
Boredom, temptation, becoming middle aged, "wha-a-a-!!, my life didn't turn out the way I wanted" are not legit. That is all on her. And it is so lame!
You deserve better.
One of the BEST posts I've read here.
Last edited by luvless; 02/26/1001:48 AM.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
Why would it be called going dark (I suppose that is what GD means?) if you continue to contact her? She is making her feelings about you very obvious by not calling you. She doesn't want to be with you, or hear from you. The best thing you could possibly do at this time is to stay away from her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well, I guess, I don't HAVE to make this make me feel bad about myself. Being rejected by someone who was once relatively responsive/considerate, and thoughtful is now HELL, but I will reassess.
So, I did NOT call, did not capitulate to selfish behavior as I have for years, and fortunately had friends who were there for me, despite feeling lonely and missing my 'hair shirt' I'm gaining SuperMan strength every day by sticking to the 'plan'
Part of me wants to say: " I was waiting for so long for YOU to change, but now realize I had to change and get a life, I was living FOR you to long instead of respecting my own needs." But I won't, I guess it's not prescribed / necessary.
I will continue the difficult, ninja-style GD, as hard as it is!
Thanks!
Eternal optimist
LBS (me):48 WAW:44 Married:11 T: 16 Separated: 02/10/10 Separated: one year first time, two years ago Sitch: http://bit.ly/baqySm
Yes, you're right. I still need to learn how to navigate these boards. I've lurked for a while, but still getting used to the etiquette, and how to post. Will try to keep it more 'contained' as opposed to may 'random' nature
Eternal optimist
LBS (me):48 WAW:44 Married:11 T: 16 Separated: 02/10/10 Separated: one year first time, two years ago Sitch: http://bit.ly/baqySm
Does GD mean I can't call her at all? I want to know if she's OK, and she hasn't called me.