Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

Ruined, from the way you describe your H in your thread, YES it makes TOTAL sense for you to make him jealous! Is he rather masculine or macho at all?

I am just not going to be able to date b/c
1) it will make me cry
2)I might freak out and get attached
3)in my case, it would hurt the outcome more than help it
(just have my gut telling me this)

[flowmom]

newmama, it doesn't sound like you're in a stage where dating would be helpful to either of you. I'm no expert on LLs, just curious whether he was doing for you what he would want done for him?

[Vulcanized]

Ruined, from the way you describe your H in your thread, YES it makes TOTAL sense for you to make him jealous! Is he rather masculine or macho at all?

I am just not going to be able to date b/c
1) it will make me cry
2)I might freak out and get attached
3)in my case, it would hurt the outcome more than help it
(just have my gut telling me this)

Hi NM,

H isn't macho/meathead sort. He is masculine, sorta dude-y, if that makes sense. Down to earth, what you see is what you get, traditional values.

If you aren't ready to date, def. don't. If you know that dating will upset you and be counter-productive, then you have the right answer if front of you. You know what is best for you, your sitch, and the best course of action.

My decision to start dating is a radical 180 for me. When single, didn't casually date, didn't have casual sex, just remained alone. Had a few loooong relationships, and plenty of celibacy in between each.

Feel like it would be beneficial and healthy for me right now to meet new people, try different things, break out of my comfort zone. I know that I am in no condition to be in a R w/anyone. But don't see anything wrong w/pushing myself forward, so long as I don't hurt anyone else, or myself. If my M is to end, I will date in the future, might as well get some practice now.

The last 6 months have shredded my self-confidence, self-esteem, belief in myself. Some positive male attention can only reinforce that just b/c H doesn't want me doesn't mean that nobody else will either. Maybe it will have the added benefit of reminding H that I'm a good woman and he'd be foolish to lose me. If it doesn't, it sure will help me remember that.

[avermont]

Wow, that all sounds great!

I would get the Men-Bitches book, but I have a pile of "self-help" books, not a one of which I have completed in this whole time. I just cannot get my mind/heart to read thru them.

But you go, girl, VS package on the doorstep and all.

[newmama]

So....what do I make of how WH acted this evening? First off, tonight I looked good and had perfume on, lipstick, etc. before I left for my class. It was a case of WH not making eye contact with me, like he did once before in December when I got gussied up to go somewhere. Hmmm...I thought. Then smiled to myself.

Well I head out to my class, but I had plenty of time to spare. So I stopped at Ross Dress For Less and tried on some jeans but they weren't a good fit. I picked up a grill pan for veggies to put on the grill, a new pair of black sandals, and a round hair brush. I still had 30 minutes before class started, so I called a friend and walked around the neighborhood (for some exercise) and the class was a little easier this time (phew!). When it ended, I had no plans but did not want to come home right away. To kill time I drove around for 45 minutes! I was thinking "must be mysterious. must make him "earn" me" lol!

So I arrive home and he is relaxing on the chair, flipping through some catalogs. I asked about S and he shared. He was not in a hurry to get up and leave! I got some water, asked about the catalog he was looking at. I made some more chit chat about S and then he got up to use the restroom. I sat down and starting looking through the DVR, commenting on how I need to find new shows and he sat down on the couch and told me about one starting soon (Justification?) so I tried to look it up and it wasn't on the guide yet. Then I told him my cold is annoying because it switches between stuffed head and constant runny nose. He left, I heard him unzip his workbag (dun da dun dun!) and walked in the room with some medicine. He said "I only have one left, but here is a mucinex. They do a pretty decent job!" I said, "thank you! I appreciate it!"

Then he went into the kitchen, and the lightbulb still needed to be replaced on the stove. I heard him fiddling and he plugged in a strand of mini lights that we purchased 3 or 4 years ago that are designed to run under the cabinets but he never set up. It worked well enough- the glow from the lights really helped to light up the kitchen. So I said "Wow, that works pretty well, actually! It will totally help me when I have to come down at 4 a.m. to make a bottle!"

These things stood out:
1) he was not in a hurry to leave
2) he suggested a show I might like when I commented about needing new shows
3) he got me some cold medicine when I said I wasn't feeling good
4) he found a "light source" for me to use temporarily until he buys the correct light bulbs

minor things-
1) he didn't make eye contact with me before I left
2)he left the VS catalog addressed to him! I received one, too, addressed to me. I just smile because I remember a couple of months ago, he took his catalog! It's a small thing.

So I am a little nervous because he was being so nice. ???

[newmama]

Flowmom, about the LL, that is what I wonder...and I don't know how I can do acts of service for WH right now since he is not living with me and he is "living" with OW!Cooking was one way I was doing an act of service.

BUt I am thinking that he might be doing acts of service to get affirmation, and I have been giving him affirmation so I hope that is on track!

[P17]

So I am a little nervous because he was being so nice. ???

Hey newmama,

I am around as I said and checking out threads. Just really busy making up 6 months worth of life and work!

Anyway, I want to say just this - how is this night any different from the last few months? I don't see anything different in the overall attitude or plan from your H. Okay the details may be different, but in general it just seems like nothing is moving forward. Everything has sort of got comfortable in that little nook or cranny and it just sits there now.

I still think you need to shake things up NM. I really do. You know your sitch better than anybody but this is just my 2p worth from outside.

Anyway, I will keep reading about you, no fear

[newmama]

Hi, P, thanks for cheking in! You could be right...not sure what else I am willing to do at this point though.Will just amp up the GAL and use my info from the Bitches book!

[newmama]

At this moment I am not nervous about WH being nice. I will take it as a good thing.

[chatterbug]

best to be nervous. Or ignore.