Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

So by the time WH left, he did these things:
1) noticed the lightbulb in the stove hood needed replacing and then cleaned the vent cover (whatever it's called)

2)took the newspapers to recycling bin

3)replaced the paper towels

4)purchased some things I needed at the store

5) told me that he would pick up the special appliance lightbulbs and bring them by next time he came so that I won't have to make a special trip to the store

And he said goodbye and looked me in the eye as he quietly said "see you tomorrow!" So I cocked my head and looked up at him (I was on the floor w/ S), smiled slightly and said "see you tomorrow!" (being a little "coy")

Oh and he picked up my package on the front porch from Victoria's Secret and brought it in before he left! haha!

Now he did mention something about games for the wii earlier today. And when he talked I practiced looking at him, asking q's to get him to elaborate, and NOT INTERRUPT! (communication 101)

Also, I took a hot bath after I worked out and told him how nice it was to soak in the tub. I said this on purpose because

1) he finds it a turn on when women take baths...as in soaking in a tub, not just that they BATHE, lol!

2)I want to remind him that I am a "lover" as well as mom, so I plan to "plant" sexual associations, KWIM?

[jasper67]

looks pretty good- nice work!!

[mindfull]

Newmama - If you don't COMPLETELY BUST this divorce AND reconcile w/the best marriage ever... You will have GREATLY disappointed my hopes for the process. Seriously, way to go!!! I'm just going to follow along, and copy your tactics.

But, crap, we have to stop cooking? Maybe we could just prepare raw oysters, etc... Just a thought!

[newmama]

Whoa about the cooking....it means you stop cooking "just for him!" Like picture Stepford Wives, June Cleaver, etc...if you are doing it for yourself anyway or for your family, that is different! And you can cook just for him if it is a special occasion! Just not your 2nd date because it sends the message that he doesn't have to work very hard to get you to pamper him! In fact, I think that last statement is the big point of the book. However, it doesn't mean we act like a spoiled brat and be high maintenance...it means we stay busy with our lives, live it fully and make room for him in it!

But it isn't about being independent to a the point of being selfish, either. You do show caring behavior toward your man, you just don't go overboard. You do ask for his help and ESPECIALLY his opinion, but not to the point that you are a helpless "little girl."

It says men value feeling appreciated more than anything else (EGO), but they want to view us as "their equal," who can take some verbal sparring, and can disagree with them about things, and can live financially independent of them if they had to.
(mind you- this is a book written for women who want their man to commit and "put a ring on it!" but it doesn't say what changes after marriage)

Thanks for your votes of confidence!! I still have reflecting to do in the sense of how to use this information and AoS and DR and my instincts!

[flowmom]

newmama...progress! Your H has the serious "act of service" thing going on! What is his LL? I think you're on the right track with adding in the sexual/flirty overtones...

[newmama]

FM, do you mean the language he uses to show love or the language he needs to feel loved?

because lately I have been confused about the love language--do we show our love to others in the way we wish to receive it? Meaning WH has shown me love through acts of service and affection. So is this how he wants to be shown love?

Because words of affirmation and affection are huge for him.
So if he does an act of service, is it to receive words of affirmation? Or does he want me to give act of service to show my love? KWIM?

[newmama]

for the ladies out there, I am developing this opinion for
men whose wives have walked away...There is a double standard for men and women that I think the LBHs should take advantage of: it's ok for the men to DATE!

It is too risky for wives to do it though.

ladies, what do you think?
I wonder what Helen Fisher would recommend to men who want their wives back?

[chatterbug]

theres dating and relationships.... No double standard in my opinion. Date is a date. Enjoy yourself.

[jasper67]

The LL's if I understand you question is for you to speak his and him to speak yours.

But notice that even if yours isnt acts of service, he is doing something to show love- so be careful not to discount it

[Vulcanized]

for the ladies out there, I am developing this opinion for
men whose wives have walked away...There is a double standard for men and women that I think the LBHs should take advantage of: it's ok for the men to DATE!

It is too risky for wives to do it though.

ladies, what do you think?
I wonder what Helen Fisher would recommend to men who want their wives back?

Newmama, I fully intend to start dating after my move [roughly 10 days]. By dating, I mean dinner, movies, coffee, etc. Not sex w/OM. My H is having a full-on A. If he can't handle the fact that I'm dating, while he's been f*&king some tramp for months, then H can go pound sand.

In my case, I need to start hammering H's jealousy button. H is generally not jealous type, but does get a little possessive when he feels threatened. Even tho H is w/OW, think he still feels like I'm 'his' - despite the fact that he doesn't want me [right now], he doesn't want anyone else to have me either. My job is to show him that although he doesn't want me, there are plenty of OM who do.

Make sense?