WAW continues to send mixed messages and continues with actions that condradict each other.
Yesterday she came over for the usual Sunday shopping and dinenr with S18 - D18 was away for the day. WAW told me that she is going to mvoe to a 2 bedroom apt starting April 1st, which extends any possible reconciliation date by 4 months.
Yet...when she came over yesterday I was having a nap. She came into my bedroom (used to be ours)which is my only private space in the house. I guess she felt that was ok, since I was at her apartment last week. She lied down beside me when I invited and that led to a little play. No sex - but some play.
Again, yesterday she said she wants to go away together in spring. I'm not sure that is a smart idea financially or in other way. Things are certainly going well between us, but at some point I should force her to make a choice. But....she's the kind of person that when pushed will choose to the opposite of what she knows I want.
Why would anyone think about forcing someone to make a decision when things are going well (especially in your case, when you know that it will probably have an undesireable outcome)? Instead of contemplating actions that may push her away from you, try doing things that will draw her towards you. Analyze what's worked for you, and go down that path.
WAW continues to send mixed messages and continues with actions that condradict each other.
Yesterday she came over for the usual Sunday shopping and dinenr with S18 - D18 was away for the day. WAW told me that she is going to mvoe to a 2 bedroom apt starting April 1st, which extends any possible reconciliation date by 4 months.
Yet...when she came over yesterday I was having a nap. She came into my bedroom (used to be ours)which is my only private space in the house. I guess she felt that was ok, since I was at her apartment last week. She lied down beside me when I invited and that led to a little play. No sex - but some play.
Again, yesterday she said she wants to go away together in spring. I'm not sure that is a smart idea financially or in other way. Things are certainly going well between us, but at some point I should force her to make a choice.
But....she's the kind of person that when pushed will choose to the opposite of what she knows I want.
Yeesh!!!!!!
you say you want to force her to make a choice, you don't get it, this is your choice, not hers. When you're ready to move on, move on and if that means leaving her behind, so be it, that will be your choice, you are a man, you don't wait for someone else to act to make your move, you make your move when YOU want to do it.
You can't force someone to do anything and even if you could, they would resent you for it.
Plus you answered your own question, she would do the opposite of what you want her to do.
She wants to go on a trip with you, do it, if you can. If you have a ton of cash burning a hole in your pocket, go for it especially if it's really just the two of you and she wants to spend time with you without the kids.
If you're strapped for cash, find out what the cost of the trip is and ask her if this is something she wants to chip in for or if this is something she wants you to pay for.
Mind you, is this trip a for sure thing?
Or is it just talk right now?
If it's just talk, don't read too much into it, when she brings up the discussion, tell her a few places you would like to go to (seriously, places you would like to go to) and then ask her where she would like to go.
Do you know why she needs a 2 bedroom apartment? Why the extra bedroom? Is she planning on getting a roommate? Ask her, you have nothing to lose.
Rob - nice to hear from you. Please read and respond.
She absolutely wants to go on vacation together. While I hardly have cash burning a hole in my pocket, it won't do any real harm financially. I think we would likely split the cost with each of us paying our own way. Regardless of the outcome of our situation, it will cost each of us half in the long run anyway.
I am confused why you would say we should go. You were totally against us going with the kids at Christmas. Isn't going away with her, accepting her invite to her apartment, etc letting her "cake eat" big time? Isn't she getting all the good parts of me, without having to commit to out marriage? Please explain.
Her current apartment, while in a beautiful building is very small. She simply wants more space. She would also like a second bedroom, so the kids could stay overnight if they want. She said it was ok at first, but actually living in it is claustrophobic. By most people's standards her current place would be great, but she is used to living in our 2500 square foot home. She is so much better off than most people who are separated, but would never see it that way. She could have plans for a roommate that she does not want to tell me about, but i highly doubt it. She really loves her privacy and I can\t see her ever living with another person.
A friend of mine said I have the perfect arrangement right now - my own privacy, freedom, in my house with my kids and I have a "mistress" with a nice apartment who invites me over for sex and on Sundays comes to my house with groceries and makes me a great dinner.
Is that the case or do I have a cake eating WAW? Or is it really both???
All other feedback appreciated as well in addition to Rob.
Isn't she getting all the good parts of me, without having to commit to out marriage? Please explain.
You're separated, do you want her back or not? You don't have to be an a$$hole to be a real man.
You make it sound like getting all the good parts of you is something alien to your relationship.
In the end, marriage or divorce, it's just a piece of paper, a document, a certificate.
YOU are working on your relationship. YOU are making you better, you can't control what she does, obviously (and maybe not so "obvious" to alot of people on these forums).
All you can do is work on you but the catch is, you can't work on you to get her back. You work on you because you want to be better, you realized that the life you were living wasn't great, you weren't do great things, integrity wasn't part of your package, etc.
Another thing that probably wasn't part of the package before was FUN.
How about having FUN? Novel idea.
Go on the trip, you have nothing to lose. Your wife wants to go on a vacation with just you without the kids, I'm sure sex will be part of the equation too, enjoy yourself without the pressures of relationship issues, commitment, marriage, divorce - act as if you starting to see her for the first time all over again - you guys didn't worry about relationship issues back then before you got married. You just went out and had fun, so many people lose sight of that, marriage can make people really boring.
Yes go on the trip, have fun, and do it for you, not because you're trying to impress her or win her back, just do it for you, have fun with her, be young again.
You don't have a guaranteed life span, we can all go at any time, make sure you spend your time wisely.
And never mind this business about "getting all the good parts of you", you have mentioned repeatedly that she still comes over to cook dinner for you and the kids, she's giving you what she can right now.
Let go of pressuring her to be something she can't be, people change, including you.
Isn't she getting all the good parts of me, without having to commit to out marriage? Please explain.
You're separated, do you want her back or not? You don't have to be an a$$hole to be a real man.
You make it sound like getting all the good parts of you is something alien to your relationship.
In the end, marriage or divorce, it's just a piece of paper, a document, a certificate.
YOU are working on your relationship. YOU are making you better, you can't control what she does, obviously (and maybe not so "obvious" to alot of people on these forums).
All you can do is work on you but the catch is, you can't work on you to get her back. You work on you because you want to be better, you realized that the life you were living wasn't great, you weren't do great things, integrity wasn't part of your package, etc.
Another thing that probably wasn't part of the package before was FUN.
How about having FUN? Novel idea.
Go on the trip, you have nothing to lose. Your wife wants to go on a vacation with just you without the kids, I'm sure sex will be part of the equation too, enjoy yourself without the pressures of relationship issues, commitment, marriage, divorce - act as if you starting to see her for the first time all over again - you guys didn't worry about relationship issues back then before you got married. You just went out and had fun, so many people lose sight of that, marriage can make people really boring.
Yes go on the trip, have fun, and do it for you, not because you're trying to impress her or win her back, just do it for you, have fun with her, be young again.
You don't have a guaranteed life span, we can all go at any time, make sure you spend your time wisely.
And never mind this business about "getting all the good parts of you", you have mentioned repeatedly that she still comes over to cook dinner for you and the kids, she's giving you what she can right now.
Let go of pressuring her to be something she can't be, people change, including you.
Pursue or be pursued that is the question. Now what do you think?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
