True Love or True Fog? Changing Forums

[pearlharbr]

I looked at your new shoes! Excellent decision to buy them. Now, will you be wearing them with a new dress? Or not?

Of course! It's goldenrod, embroidered silk with 3/4 sleeves and a low scoop back. And I got a sequined clutch to go with, it has pops of the same blue. Everyone in the boutique asked where I was going to wear it and I finally remembered that I'm going to a couple weddings in June. So now I have a justification!

[Silver Fox]

Met with a contractor today my L recommended. Nice, easy going guy that spent an hour looking around. He says clean the place up and put it on the market by March 1. Don't spend anything on the foundation, unfinished bathrooms. You never know, someone might buy it as is.

So, he can send some of his workers over to haul off junk, clean the vinyl siding, etc. for about $1,000+. In other words, everything H and I should have been doing for the past 3 years. But oh yeah, H was spending all his time and energy putting himself up the OW's butt.

I sent H an email to let him know about the appt. He writes - "Great, let me know how I can facilitate".

Facilitate? Oh, that's special. Just how is he going to facilitate from 200 miles away?

I was trying to explain the sitch to the contractor. He knows it's a D case. I was skirting around saying my H has "issues" and blah, blah, blah.

Contractor interrupts with "It's a mid-life crisis!"

[KarenMarieS]

Contractor interrupts with "It's a mid-life crisis!"

Isnt it funny how so many people who hear our ex ( stbx) symptoms say that?? I got it all the time
and recognize it in others now, including close friends

Hope all goes well with selling your house, I'll be doing the same soon-

Have a good rest of your week SF!

[Silver Fox]

My Horoscope today:

Scorpio (10/23-11/21)

It's time for you to admit something: Your values have changed. What used to be important no longer matters. That means it's time to make some corresponding outward changes -- some big ones. Fortunately, you're more than ready, even if it means saying good-bye to people, things or ways of life that were once primary to you. Don't worry about it. You'll get through this the same way you get through everything: Bravely.

This Friday, Feb. 5, we're supposed to have a hearing and it could be the D day.

In the last 2 weeks I've met with a contractor, real estate agent, emailed my L almost daily, and sent one very firm, somewhat pissy, email to H thanking him for saddling me with the clean up and sale of the house after he sent another woe is me email stating that he has "limited time now and teaches five days a week".

I replied "I TEACH FIVE DAYS A WEEK TOO". Oh well, he was due. What's the point of DBing now anyway?

He wrote back that he would come during his 3 day spring break (it's 5 days, I checked the school's schedule) and he would "move the rest of my stuff and do what I can in the little time that I have".

Ah, how nice of him. And that's the first time that he's EVER acknowledged that he still has stuff here.

I have a response planned but haven't sent yet - "Your spring break is too late. I'm putting the house on the market by March 1. Please choose either the weekend of Feb. 12, 19, or 26 and let me know as soon as possible. You might want to rent a small U-Haul truck. Not only do you need to take your clothes and books but all of your grandmother's Xmas decorations, all of the boxes of seahells, and your chest of drawers/bedside table. Also, the garage has to be cleaned out as well as the boat. Please make arrangements to have it hauled off".

But there's still no agreement. The Ls are supposed to be working on it - I've yet to see a draft even. I'm contemplating asking for a postponement but not if it's going to be rescheduled another 6 months away.

How come I'M DOING ALL THE WORK BUT IT'S H THAT WANTS THE D?!

[iluvme55]

Sorry you are having to do all the work.......they want us out of their lives but we are left to clean up the mess......:(

[pearlharbr]

Ack, sounds true to form for H.

Life's not fair. It seems to dump on people who can handle it. Refer back to that horoscope, it's so true.

If you don't hear back from H before the meeting on Friday I would make the arrangements to have his crap hauled away and add the associated costs to the settlement. I know he doesn't really have much money but it's the principle, damn it!

Try to focus on how much fun you'll have once you get rid of that hunk o' junk house and move to a fun condo in the city!

[KarenMarieS]

SF
Its so true to form for the MLC to want out yet let you do the work , amazing isnt it?

Personally DBing or not DBing I like that you " let him have it" he deserved it, you were just stating the truth!
and good on giving him the dates he can chose from, wth are they thinking? they should be catered to all the times? plleasseee

Your doing exceptional in my opinon
Your getting there, hold on!

[Silver Fox]

Well, it looks like I'll be D tomorrow at 9:30 a.m. H finally responded in agreement to everything I asked for. I'm kind of numb right now. He left almost three years ago but it seems so sudden now. Everything was so last minute this week. I must have talked with and emailed my L 10 times today - all in between teaching my classes. Fun times.

[pearlharbr]

(((Silver)))

The finality is different than the ongoing saga so I would expect you to have some kind of reaction. I hope this will allow you to move forward knowing that you did whatever you could to save the marriage. H has shown himself to be so unworthy of a woman like you. Get that ramshackle house fixed up and sold so you can get to the next chapter. It will be so much better!

Sending good thoughts your way. And I'll have a glass of wine for you if it will help.

[Silver Fox]

The D was final two weeks ago - Feb 5. H, excuse me, xh got his precious D. I must admit that I'm taking it much, much harder than I thought I would. I've had a similar reaction as the bomb days - loss of appetite, sleeping very late on weekends, and just a draggy, listless feeling. Mostly grief and some disbelief.

The D day was interesting to say the least. The judge asked xh to stand first and asked him how long we had been married - xh studdered and finally said 21 years. Then the judge asked "have you made an honest and sincere effort to reconcile this marriage?" Yes sir H says. SAY WHAT???? I looked hard over at him but he didn't flinch. Then judge asked "is there anything the court can do to help reconcile this marriage?" No sir.

Great, now the judge is going to ask me the same thing. I was ready. I said - "Your honor, this is my H's divorce. I have no choice but to let him go." I guess he accepted that answer because he went on to the 2nd question - I looked over at H again and his L, dramatic pause, then said no sir.

I mean really, anything the court can do??? I wanted to say like what for instance - knock H in the head, lock OW up in a trunk and throw it in the ocean? Why did he ask me that and WHY DIDN'T MY L TELL ME HE WAS GOING TO ASK ME THAT? If I had said, well MC would be a start seeing as I had no idea anything was wrong until H walked out, would that have delayed the D?

I'm now in the process of putting all xh's stuff in one room. I emailed first and told him to plan on coming March 6 to get it all. I nixed the other dates as I need more time to sort it all out. Sort out 21 years of M - his, mine, his, mine. What fun. He emailed back "I was going to email you tonight too". Yeah, right.

I suppose I'll move to Surviving the D forum now. MLC forum wasn't much help anyway. I hope those of you who have supported me will check in on me there too?!