I am sure those who are "anti bo peep" stay far away from my thread! :-) Pretty sure Allen is one of them!
LRT in my case will result in Divorce. I am 99% sure. So that is why unless or until I want a divorce I just won't risk it!
But when there are barriers in a relationship that include one partner who hasn't divorced yet and is staying in contact with their spouse, as well as their child, that just can't make for a harmonious relationship! Maybe a lot of S&M in the bedroom, barf!
You are doing fine as you are! If I could do it, I would.
I tried for 6 months, but I would fall into despair and hurt as I watched H do his balancing act. Finally, he said he thought he could keep everyone happy by him living at home, and whoring in the afternoon! I think it is called cake-eating. I do not know what he wants now or hopes to accomplish by living in the sleazy motel with her AND wanting his marriage, life and family. He has resisted legal steps so far. Maybe when his attachment to me wears off???
The 50 million dollar ?. Do you maintain contact and risk cake-eating or go dark and hope to trigger attachment needs and risk detachment?
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
I would like to refer to it as "cupcake eating!" He gets to be in his house, see me. That is about it. I talk to him and see him way less than before. I mean he gets to see his baby but that isn't cake eating! :-)
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I would like to refer to it as "cupcake eating!" He gets to be in his house, see me. That is about it. I talk to him and see him way less than before. I mean he gets to see his baby but that isn't cake eating! :-)
I think you are doing great! Marriage Builders would call it a great Plan A, and Dr. Bob would call it a great job of Leaping your Partner. However, even with GALing, I am sitting in a hole waiting for the last shovel of dirt to bury me. Can't dig out until H makes a move. Your way is much more fun!
Question: As you withdraw, do you fear him thinking "she's ok now, doesn't need me, seems fine without me, so I can cut the final thread"?
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
CW, can you feel my frustration too sometimes? I KNOW I have the power to end this by ultimatum which will lead to D. But I kno this limbo won't last forever so I find my strengthm ask God for help, and perservere....arrrrrggggh!!!!@#$%&*(
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Question: As you withdraw, do you fear him thinking "she's ok now, doesn't need me, seems fine without me, so I can cut the final thread"?
YES!!!! So that's why I want to keep contact during his day off.
The withdrawal is just "something different" that I need to try sometimes, don't you think? Also I need it when I am feeling especially heartbroken and/or pissed off!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
So do you think sending a mixed message of need vs not is a good thing? A lot of the DBing just doesn't seem to fit when there is an OW/affair involved.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
NM-yes, you will be frustrated at times but I truly don't "feel" it in most of your posts!
WN
"So do you think sending a mixed message of need vs not is a good thing? A lot of the DBing just doesn't seem to fit when there is an OW/affair involved."
I have been wondering about that myself!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
"So do you think sending a mixed message of need vs not is a good thing? A lot of the DBing just doesn't seem to fit when there is an OW/affair involved."
I have been wondering about that myself!
And I don't mean need as in "needy, pleading, crying, looking for reassurance". It is more of a sense of missing their presence in daily life, household issues, parenting and dealing with kid problems. Don't they need to know they have left a hole in the family by skipping off and following their "feelings and impulses" for another? Or is that guilt-producing and a bad thing? I guess a WAS can justify/rationalize it either way, whichever suits their desire!
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
I found your thread and have read parts of it, but it is 68 pages! So I'll just jump on here and follow along. Good to see you are a fellow bellydancer. I have been taking class for about 3 years now. That is a special treat that I give to my H on occasion. I will do a seductive bellydance for him in just the coinbelt and a headdress. I never get past about 2 minutes of dancing for some reason. I think he has a short attention span (LOL).
And I like the idea of crockpot coq au vin, I will have to try that recipe! It sounds like you are doing the right things. You are not taking the hardline and forcing the divorce. The affair could peter out and your H could decide you are the better option. Stranger things have happened! Good for you for using the telephone coaching.
