Just wrapped up meetings for my office retreat. Back in my room. Feeling a bit lonely. I will get over it.
Highlight of the evening is when I called home and spoke to the kids. And maybe what I feel is loneliness is really just me missing them and realizing I will not be with them every day at the end of this process.
Just checking in on you tonight gima. Yes you will get over it. I worry about seeing my kids everyday too. But as I mentioned in a previous post, you'll gain in quality what you may lost in day to day time.
(((gima)))
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Just checking in on you tonight gima. Yes you will get over it. I worry about seeing my kids everyday too. But as I mentioned in a previous post, you'll gain in quality what you may lost in day to day time.
I just posted a reply to you over in my thread, but I thought I would copy it here as well. It seems relevant to both discussions:
Originally Posted By: Awoken in his own thread
Today, while my daughter dazzled me with her thoughts about everything, and her openness to tell me her deepest thoughts, I thought briefly about you(GIMA) and your worries about time with your kids post D. You know we both share the same worries.
It occurred to me that this one lunch with my daughter, and our bonding over it, is something we will both never forget. Regardless of what happens in the future, D17 and I will have many more moments like this to treasure. Somehow, I a little less concerned about losing my day to day contact with D17 and S13.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
I just posted a reply to you over in my thread, but I thought I would copy it here as well. It seems relevant to both discussions:
Originally Posted By: Awoken in his own thread
Today, while my daughter dazzled me with her thoughts about everything, and her openness to tell me her deepest thoughts, I thought briefly about you(GIMA) and your worries about time with your kids post D. You know we both share the same worries.
It occurred to me that this one lunch with my daughter, and our bonding over it, is something we will both never forget. Regardless of what happens in the future, D17 and I will have many more moments like this to treasure. Somehow, I a little less concerned about losing my day to day contact with D17 and S13.
Thanks Awoken. I dreaded the drive back home b/c she was here and I was excited about the drive back home b/c the kids are here. This dichotomy seems to be the existence many of us here live.
I have just about forgotten what a "normal" existence is anymore. Not losing it. Just feeling reflective right now.
About to take S10 to baseball practice - and that will be the highlight of my day so far.
And here is the head scratcher for the day - anyone feel free to chime in: W sent me an email to explain that the kids slept in my bed last night (they usually do when I'm not here), that she made the bed up and put things back like she found them to the best of her knowledge. But if things were out of place, this was why. WHY WOULD I CARE? WHY?
W then sent me an email to say she did not know what time I owuld be home or where the retreat was. I reminded her I emailed here a few weeks ago to tell her where the retreat was and how long I'd be gone. "Oh, I didn't remember that."
My puzzer is puzzed. Not wasting time on it. Just odd. Or, "normal" these days.
Just if it interests you on my new thread is a post from HeartBlessing with a discussion about MLC and hormones. I find it kind of interesting and I am still not convinced of the final outcome of your sich even if you are. However keep your expectations at zero just the way you have been doing.
I am leaving that door open for her but have NO hope she will walk back through it. No one knows the future, but it seems pretty clear to me. Of course, it is impossible for me to be be objective.
Maybe having a little communication is a good thing. At least it allows me to see just how little respect she has for me.
Brief recap from a couple of weeks ago. I spoke to W to suggest she have her L send my L a settlement proposal - b/c I literally have NO IDEA what she wants/expects. This would save us several thousands of dollars if we could resolve pre-mediation. She says she would talk to her L.
A week goes by and nothing. Then, on day 8, her L calls mine and asks for mediation dates!!! So, W doesn't have th guts to tell me this in hte same manner I went to her to suggest we try to resolve our issues.
So, tonight, I went to the doorway of her bedroom, where she lives these days and said I guess I should assume you have no interest in trying to resolve our D short of mediation. She responds with "Nothing has changed since we spoke last." Did I say she is the master of "Nothing has changed?" Anyway, I pointed out that her response was not an answer to my qiestion and asked her if she was comfortable not simply telling me herself that she would not discuss settlement pre-mediation. She said she did feel comfortable having her L tell mine.
I knew she was a quitter, but never thought, until now, that she was a coward as well.
I told her we would be dropping another $8,000-$10,000 in mediation. Her response was "I didn't think I would spend that much." That's the problem sweetie, you aren't THINKING. She literally has asked her L to tell her "what is customary in these situations." As if our M is a car wreck case or something!!!
So, my W, who has always projected a strong, independent image, cannot make a simple decision and would not think of making that decision. Instead, she has her L do that for her.
And, yes, I am venting some here.
All the while W is telling me how comfortable she was in the way she isn't communicating with me directly (sweetie, when we exchange the kids post-D, you gonna have your L drop them off with me or do you think you will have the stones to do that?!), she shows utter disrespect for me. Anger, contempt and disdain. And I NEEDED to see that.
