Last entanglement in Paris

[job]

I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I hope everything works out for all of you!

[fisherman]

Wondering how you're doing.

I hope all is well.

[sleeper]

Hello all,

I'm doing well. I'm way over the emotional hump. The real estate deal is going better than I could have ever imagined:

I'm putting nothing down (have nothing to put down to get into any other house).

There is no real estate agent involved so no fees

X wants to leave a lot of the furniture and all of the appliances

Kids will stay in the same schools

My lease expires exactly when I will take posession of the house

I told my mother today this can't all be by coincidence.

[forward]

Sleeper, I am just happy for you so that you can have a nice place to live.

[sleeper]

Over the past month or so I've had some insights into the sitch with my X and whatever has been going on with her the past three years.

Several weeks ago in what little bit of negotiations we had over me buying the house back from her she verbalized a fear that she would "get screwed". She went on to mention several people in her life that have "screwed" her financially, sadly some were related to her, all are male. I asked her, "Have I ever screwed you?" to which she said, "no". The truth is that everyone who has commented on our D believes I was the one who was "screwed".

This explains her hard-nosed and aggressive additude as she felt that was the only way to protect herself. My Counselor alluded to this years ago as he said he believed I was catching the grief for every man in her life who had ever done her wrong, including nameless and faceless men who had not held the door for her at the grocery store.

In qualifying for the loan a rediculous financial burden was discovered in the official record that neither I, X or my lawyer knew had made it into the judgement. This had to be amended and signed by a judge before closing on the house. I informed X of the sitch and offered to have my lawyer draw up the necessary papers and take the necessary action. She agreed.

Today my L instructed me to learn X's new legal name since remarriage for the papers. I asked X and learned she has not changed her name but still has mine. When I took the papers by X's workplace to be signed (gopher is on of my many talents) I showed X where to sign (twice) and then proceeded to tell her what she had just signed. She said, "You don't have to explain, I trust you." You could have knocked me down with a feather.

I had to go by one additional time later in the afternoon (we've had lots of contact this week and postponed closing for one week due to complications). I called her by my last name (Ms. Sleeper). She smiled.

Many who knew us may have said I was foolish in the D settlement, others may have said I fell on my sword for her. My daughter, wise beyond her years, shocked me once by verbalizing her observation that mommy got the better vehicle, the house and the business. I now know in my heart I did the right thing. In that I find contentment with the choices I have made.

[forward]

Sleeper, I find it somewhat interesting that your X chose to keep her name, although many women want to have the same name as the kids.

"including nameless and faceless men who had not held the door for her at the grocery store." Well, get on it then, Sleeper!! =)

I'm glad that you feel a sense of peace with where things came out w/D.

As you mentioned, your X's new M is not likely to last. If she does not have some great skills, she may well be in a lot of trouble in her later years. Women have to consider different financial situation because we live longer and typically earn less. What I have seen is that some women stay because they cannot make it on their own very well.

[sleeper]

The big day has finally arrived.

We go to closing this afternoon. It hasn't been a totally smooth road as X is not getting as much cash as she had hoped (really adamantly required when we first discussd the deal). I recieved a small but fairly potent dose of spew Sunday am on the phone. It started with my failings as a father but moved on to my failures in the marriage, my wrongheadedness in the divorce/separation, and my failure to do enough to make this deal go through, not meeting her halfway. Conclusion; she was having a really bad morning and needing someone to vent upon as OMH was out of town.

Considering there is no down payment on my end, no realtor's fees on hers and the kids will get out of an apartment and stay in the house they have lived in for the past 5 years it's awesome for all!

One observation that has come from this is that X is a very goal-driven person. Once she decides to do something you are either with her or against her. I did not facilitate nor obstruct the D as I felt it was her choice. In retrospect this made any reconcilliation betwen us even less likely as she saw me as someone who was against her because I was not helping her achieve her goal. My lack of assistance was seen by her as obstruction.

My counselor made the observation and often commented that I was, "danged if I did and danged if I didn't." That has been true in almost every interaction with her.

"Got dang"?

[peacetoday]

sleeper
I am happy for you
Good luck today
peace

[Andabelle]

Sounds like a possible case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

You don't sound like you're really bothered by the spew anymore, which is great!

[forward]

Sleeper, I too am happy for you. And in a similar sort of situation with a similar sort of entanglement and similar sort of response! As we have been most of our respective journeys.

At this point, there are many folks whose stories I want to continue to follow, and yours is one. Please do continue to post.