Do you have a financial agreement? These things should be covered. I am appalled when parents don't pay for their kids. I provide Ashley with a car (ok she is paying me back for some of it) and a home, groceries etc and pay 2/3 of tuition. And I recently took early retirement. But he still squawks about his 1/3.
Ryan has an insurance settlement which pays for most of his nursing care and some other expenses so I do not ask for or expect help from his dad. But still - when you love someone - you should want to help out. In my opinion. His not helping with Ryan is more about hurting me - not about not helping if you can understand that.
I'm enjoying the Olympics as well. Nice that they are in my beautiful country. (OK I am patriotic!)
I've talked to Ashley several times and told her she is not to be a messenger for her dad and he should not be putting her in this position. She told me that last night she just rolled her eyes at him and changed the subject. I told her that next time she might remind him that she does not want to be part of that discussion and end it.
I think she is handling things maturely. She was not asked to give me a message - she told me as a "heads up". He, of course, intended to shake everyone up. Such a joy!
I'm with you. I always found it difficult that we go by different names on the board then have to figure out who is who on FB or in real life. It is even more confusing when the board name is a "Name" which is not the real name. I know Mary who is really Millie, Rayanne who is really Paula and Laurin who is really Rick. And many more. I'm glad I used my real name on the board (guess I never cared if ex read it) - everyone can figure out which one I am. Karen aka Megan! LOL!
In Virginia you cannot force either spouse to pay for anything after the child turns 18, so the onloy way you can get college tuition covered is if you both agree to it and include it in your settlement. My X refused. said he would not commit to somethng like that when he didn't know what his financial circumstances might be. He knew damn well he would be living in a 2 income home, because that plan was already in motion. I was willing to committ to it even though I make less than half what he does. He is an A$$!!! I pay for car insurance, cell phone, any medical expenses, such as new glasses, contact lenses, etc. He has done things like buy a battery for her car, and then he looks like the hero. I am fortunate that my two older girls were good soccer players and got scholarships. D19's first year in college (when the financial aid was based on my income and there were 2 in college) all she owed was about $350 per semester. I paid it. Last year it was a little over $1000, and I didn't have it so she had to take a loan...after asking me numerous times if I could pay it. I finally got pissed and asked her if she asked him....nope. She wouldn't even ask him....She actually said to me, well dad gives you all that support money (he has drilled that one onto their heads). So I will not talk money with them anymore. I pay the monthly expenses, don't ask me for more, I am not the one buying a freaking 2nd house!! And he has bad mouthed me to them for the past few years, he even told our 11 year old daughter that he gives me so much money and I spend it on myself. Luckily the 11 year old came ot me and we talked about it and she didn't buy it. She is actually the most clear headed when it comes to him. She sees right through his crap. I think it is because she got out from under his control at a fairly young age. He has messed the older two girls heads up quite a bit!
Okay, sorry for the rant....guess I needed to get that out! LOL
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Suzy - Were we married to the same guy?? Chuck goes on about how little he has and how much he has given. At my highest level of CS ever he gave me $321 per month. Ashley was a world class baton twirler - that didn't even cover her baton expenses yet our agreement stated he needed to share her baton costs.
Our agreement covers her in 4 years of post secondary education but getting the $ out of him is a struggle. Then he becomes very self righteous about it and wants more. Last week he gave Ash his 1/3 of this quarter's tuition - hence his "acting out" and needing more.
Grrrr....
This morning I'm up very early (for me) to begin a long day of work at a baton twirling event. My sister posts on FB after I had a vague rant about this and preaches to me. She does not have an ex. Her husband and children are models. Stepford even. Every single thing they do revolves around their church. The D21 (same age as mine) has never even gone on a date! Yet she drones on and on to me on FB and preaches. Like she has a clue.
Sorry to vent that here - some people might take it the wrong way. I am a Christian and try to live my life right but hate to be criticized by people with a holier than thou attitude who have not walked a mile in my shoes. She does this to my children on FB too. In fact - at my Christmas party - no one wants to go near them for fear of being preached to constantly.
Anyway - shouldn't have put that here but it ticked me off this morning.
Oooohhhh, I hate preachy, holier-than-thou Christians! When my oldest, who was 19 at the time confronted OW (now Mrs. X) regardign the fct that her presence in X's life was causing her younger siblings pain so why was she having a married man in her home nightly til after 10 pm, new Mrs. X had the balls to say she was just trying to be a "good Christian friend" to X because he was so troubled. She also said she didn't know she wsa causing pain to our family and she would remove herself from the situation. Shortly after that X stopped coming home before midnight. Wow, what a good Christian friend she was!!! LOL I have a really hard time with anyone who has to preach their religion or make conversations all about God. Actions speak louder than words! Oftentimes the people whose values and lifestyles I respect are those whose religion I don't even know. They are just good people who live good lives! They don't have to lecture to others, they teach through example!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I know she si family, but you could always un-friend her. Who needs that when all you wanted was to let off some steam. I really don't vent to a lot of my friends in the real world because they haven't been here. I also don't have many of them on FB.
My supposed best friend...she always wants the dirt in my life. I suppose to make her feel better. She isn't my friend on FB. Don't want my life spread all over! lol
Chin up Barb. Jerks get theirs. I just wish I was there to see it.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Oh I hate holier than thou people...I would like to smack them...
clearly they haven't read the Bible because it clearly states that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones (or something more biblical like "he who is without sin may cast the first stone") and to love one another as I have loved you.
raspberries on them
and
My ex...Jeremy Alexander for all those reading out there...owes me so much in back support that they took away his license (so he drives illegally) hmmmmmmmmm
and
he works under the table for cash so no tax returns or wage garnishing
what a dead beat $60,000 and counting sure would help a lot!!!!
(not counting AJ...that's Alan Schweitzer) who owes me money and counting too maybe 12,000 or so...$400 a month plus around 4000 in more bills...)
I should total all that up again...I could buy a house and set up college funds for reals!!!!
no more hiding there sad sack names it is no longer my shame in making a mistake and being with them...I didn't know better... it is now THEIR shame for not honoring their end of the bargain
LOL BND, I know its crazy isnt it? I love keeping up with people from the board, most of us from 7 yrs back have moved on to other lives but you cant just forget those days and who helped you thru the darkest of them ( besides family of course) Its a great community here!
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
