So FLTC, it sounds like everything in your life is pretty much the same as usual! Here's a joke you might appreciate, I got it from a Pastor: It's Sunday morning and everybody is sitting in their seats when suddenly at the front of the church Satan appears. Everyone rushes from the church in fright except one elderly man who remains in his seat at the very front of the church. Satan says to him "aren't you afraid of me" and the elderly man replies "No way, I've been married to your sister for 45 years" See any similarities to your sitch?
As usual, your STBX is a loon. Although it does seem to me that it was a bit late too, she's just exercising her control freak muscles to spew random threats.
Just remove yourself from the drama. Let her spin her wheels. Take care of you and the kids. Let her figure it out for herself.
Congrats on the tax thing! That's great!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Well, the looniness continues. I re-wrote the "parenting plan" because STBX had the kids with me every school vacation for a week; December, February, April. I love my kids, but I was doing custodial care so that she could just go to work, and I actually had them more than her. That's OK, but then give me the house and make me the custodial parent.
When I re-wrote the plan, making it equitable (I take one vacation, she takes the next, not rocket science) she agreed because (my guess is) her attorney looked at the old plan and told her "He's got the kids more than you do, so you need to accept his proposal"
Well, she has the kids for this vacation, and makes plans to take them skiing. OK, that's good. D17 tells her boss she can't work for the next three days, and he told her if that happens start looking for a new job. (He's a great young guy who owns a deli and has a business to run, so I get that. MY D19 also works for him when she's home and in the summer)
I was at the gym last night and come out to see that I had missed 22 calls from D17!(a little OCD?) She is in tears, and asks me if she can stay with me for three days. I told her of course. She then asks STBX if she can use the infamous "Jeep" that her Smarmy Paramour Boss bought for my daughter when I was in Iraq, to get to work from my house.
STBX,in the background of the phone says, filled with vitriol says "NO! You'll have to make other arrangements!" (Translation: Your father will have to drive you, because he was angry when the boss that I was having an affair with wanted to buy you the Jeep and I'll never allow you to use it if it benefits him!)
D17 is now frantic. I just told her: "Relax, I'll take you to work and pick you up"
STBX seems to be unravelling more and more, She's out "where the buses don't run!"
I was going to make plans to reconnect with a couple of good friends from Iraq, but that will have to wait. It's all good!
Gym Woman took me to a resort-spa for Valentines Day. It was two great days. That's going great, and I may offer that this may be why STBX is loonier than ever.
She once asked me: "Don't you want to find someone who knocks your socks off?" I guess when I did, she wanted a "do over".
I hate the toll this takes on your kids. I do think you handled the D17 thing well and the rewriting of the vacation schedule. Just one question, though -
Why does your wife know what goes on with you and your girlfriend?
Might be time for a boundaries conversation, either with yourself about how much you tell the kids, or with the kids about boundaries with their mom.
Are they volunteering, or is STBXW asking? If their volunteering, might be time to suggest that maybe it's none of her business. If she's asking, definitely time to say it's none of her business, even if that means not talking to the kids as much about it.
Glad you had a nice V-day. Definitely sounded like fun.
Good response about the car. I'll be so glad to get rid of my retail job soon so I don't have to worry about not being able to go out of town because of work. I definitely sympathize with your D.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Here's how it happens. For instance last Saturday, S11 was with me. Gym Woman and I went to his hockey game and then Gym Woman offered to take us to dinner in New York along with her D19 who goes to college in NYC. We drove about an hour to Manhatten, went to a nice restaurant and went home. S11 had a great time, as did the rest of us. I'm sure he went home and told STBX all the details. Whatever.
I am So Proud of You! You did exactly the right thing. You calmed your daughter and took the crazy STBX out of the picture. Once we get over them, we usually find ourselves in a place where we don't want to fight. Once we do that, and know that our kids' lives get much easier. A car is so important to a teen. It's their freedom. So taking it away is her way of taking freedom. It hurts them, not her. Makes no sense to me. Why would she want to do that?
The car is hers. She essentially told your daughter that. She wields the power. But you also have some power. Do I think it's stupid of her to make your daughter's life miserable so she can show how powerful she is? YES. Does your daughter? Probably. Your power is being able to diffuse the situation by telling your daughter that you'll take her and pick her up. Problem solved. I'll bet your STBX is fuming. I say that only because I can't imagine a parent of a teen doing what she did. It's really, really stupid.
FL, one day your daughter will buy her own car and her mother will not be able to tell her what she can and cannot do with it. Plus your daughter will always remember now. She will remember how your reacted and how her mother did.
My oldest son sometimes wants to talk to me about things his father once did. I always listen but never talk badly about him. The X never cared really for the son he should have protected and cared for- he only cared about his own anger. He ended up having a son that does not wish to see, not want to talk to, his father. That is sad, but that is what people who are hateful get.
FL, I get a phone call at least once a week from my CG son in Hawaii. Every time, he says "Hey Mama - How ya doing?" On his way to work to go out on the boat at 5 am he thinks about me. He puts in 18 hour days at least 6 days a week and I get those calls faithfully. That is justice. That tells me that I did the right things and it tells me how important it is to just love them and let them know that we do.
D17 was very thankful she could stay with me. We had a good time. I took her to breakfast one day and lunch yesterday. It was all good.
Today is Gym Woman's birthday. I have a lot of good stuff planned. At least for today, it's all good. I'm with a woman who is crazy about me and I about her, I'm healthy, I'm writing to you guys drinking great coffee and I'm currently not in Afghanistan. It's a "Half to 3/4 Full" day!
Hi FLTC. What a treat to read your last post and know that you are happy at least for one day! That is such a good approach....one day at a time! Your kids are lucky they have their new and improved, calm, caring dad to balance things out.
