not to quibble Bond, James Bond...but how about not sending or making any more NEGATIVE energy into the world and just GAL??
I mean, "oh the drama of it all"...I'd have laughed and said "stop projecting" and not gotten all mad and threatening to tell OM"s wife? What has she done to you?
Don't appoint yourself the "righter of wrongs" b/c you are NOT. You are not on earth to "Teach OM a lesson"....come on...
When you feel your anger grow,and the desire to punish rise up, realize that's what it is, even if you disguise it as something else.
When I (YES ME) was contemplating an A long ago, I worked it out myself. You could argue there was an EA but again, with God's help (had a good pastor) and a shrink, I got through it without actually getting physical and for ME, there was a huge chasm between an EA and a PA and I am grateful I did not cross it.
Had my h known of the EA, and then punished me with it, or tried to shame me, I can honestly say I think I'd have divorced him. To me, at the time, I had reasons for an A....yes, ALL WAS'S HAVE REASONS FOR WHAT THEY DO AND THE REASONS ARE NOT SO THEY CAN BE "SELFISH JERKS".... I was totally rationalizing (and in retrospect I can see that I had some good points, honestly. I mean in terms of me being ignored, h's being a workaholic, we were in the military and there was the first Gulf War, I was getting sent and h was not and I was in the Army b/c of HIM...etc ETC ET--I know --WAS's always rationalize and justify, I KNOW!!) Point is, so has your w!
So if you shove it in her face, "and show her thetruth/righteousness/God's wrath/how wrong she is/blah blah blah THEN 2 things happen; first, she feels totally justified b/c you have now "proved" you are vindictive....and Second, you have eliminated ANY AND ALL attraction she'd have for you IF your goal was to shame her into a reconciliation. NO one and I mean NO ONE, has ever had the loving restoration of their M, through shaming them...it is not loving...period.
This is NOT the same as me asking you to help cover up an A, so I don't want the other LBSers out here MISinterpreting my comments...there's a difference.
I lack the time to explain further if it's not clear....but otherwise,
YES I think this IS a pivotal time for you and If I could suggest something I have said before, it'd be to DETACH from this as much as possilbe.
It's time to truly truly, be the best man/father you can be and leave the results up to God. If your wife sees you in your best light (and YOU DO control hows she is most likely to see you ) Then all you can do is THAT...
If she can't see you as you wish to be seen, or it is not enough for her or if she's too sad or sick to "get it", then so be it. Accept with grace and faith that for now, you have your answer...
If she does see you in the best light and does not want you anyhow and she is well/healthy, then so be it as well, for again, you have your answer. Enough drama. It's wackier than high school and a lot more dangerous. The stakes are too high for this....
Hang in there, J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
