Cutter, I have an idea as to why you might have felt guilty. You have been married to ladybug for the last 10 years. You have been legally separated for a few weeks. It's like the phantom leg when your leg has been amputated...
okay does that make any sense?
The guilt is not rational but it is hard to not "feel married" KWIM???
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Tonight I will be showing civil , nice and grace while at that concert. If she decides to pull any OM in my face crap. I am hoping she does not. But she may still feel that my life is a game and I have no idea what Saturday did to her. But I will be on guard. If they come over.
I am just going to politely say " Ladybug, Please show some respect for our 14 year relationship and 10 year marriage and go stand somewhere else with OM. I wish to enjoy the show with my friend here and not feel uncomfortable. Thankyou"
Well something like that.
Its funny how life is throwing each of us in front of each others paths. The house across the street sold as well. So now the emails are coming in about the house selling and how we need to meet up to finalize everything. I think I liked being in the dark better.
It all leads up to that May 2nd wedding... Jack and Jills , selling of the house. My end date ( which I think I passed.. I always said April but now I feel it was that night we signed the papers). The symphony is beginning to build now.
So my friends I may need to do some leaning over the next few weeks.
Take care.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Enjoy the concert. You're right, the expiration date was the night you signed the papers. All that's left is sour milk, pour it down the drain and go to the grocery store. I hear skimmed milk is good.
Do as much leaning as you need to, just don't fall over.
EDIT: And while we're on the milk analogy... make sure it's pasteurized (past your eyes)
Last edited by Gnosis; 02/16/1004:39 PM.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Cutter, your emotions make so much sense to me. Your vows were sacred to you and you lived those values out for ten years. As things get more and more final, you will be going through different stages of the grieving process. Lean away my friend! We all do that for each other and we all need it. Take care!
I am now divorced but still feel guilty even looking at other women.
I hate being single with a married man's concience. It feels foreign to me. Not sure what to do.
Got on one of the dating sites and posted there that I was recently divorced. Then realized that this would turn the girls away so had to re-think my strategy.
I just realized that its now been five months since...nevermind. Could somebody please finish amputating my phantom leg?
Kudos on your date. Hope to be there soon with you.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
Cutter, This is PROGRESS!!!! Everyday you work through things in an empowering way is progress. Just being able to label your emotions is a big deal. You are an amazing man!! I think the "guilt" speaks to your high moral standards. Its an attribute.
Just remember - 10 years of making sure you handled yourself with honor around other women is a long habit to break. Cut yourself some slack and don't feel bad about the "guilty" feelings.
T
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
You are moving thru this process really well. Acknowledging, owning, and tolerating these feelings--yes, that's the growth part!
May I ask more about this concert? something you have planned a date for, and LB let you know she was going, too? Gearing myself up for the inevitable event-in-common.
I think you are handling the separation and new dating with great grace. You are having nice day dates, nothing too wild and heavy--nice for you and nice for the women you are seeing. Not too much pressure or expectations on anyone.
Again, good on ya!
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
