You're moving forward, and that is ALL that matters, Viki.
It's not a cliche when you actually feel what you're saying.
And the times of backslide will grow farther and farther apart until you totally heal of the pain you endured.
I'm rooting for you 100 percent; This too, shall pass.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
Yeah, you could say that. I'm trying to put my thoughts together to figure out how to tell what I've got to tell before I post my story under a new thread. I've been gone a long time;(since 2002 or 2003) and I'm at a place not too many people reach. I walked my journey through his AND mine, learning all I was supposed to learn and use for the rest of my life, plus whatever other tools I pick up along the way. I'm still married, things on the outside seem to be fine and I'm actually settled enough that I know that no matter what happens to me, I will be fine.
My life has been a busy one for the past 8 years; I did go on and become a full time truck driver; (I'm on road now, that's why I'm jumping on and off like a grasshopper)..I suffered through a 6 year Mid Life Transition that ended two years ago; that thank God didn't become a crisis.
Our son is grown now, and although still living at home, plus not being married as of yet(No girlfriend on the horizon) has a full-time career and is no trouble to anyone.
Yet, somewhere along the way, my husband seems to have gone back into another crisis or aspect or phase of some sort; the ending stages seem to be coming back around again; one child that seems to have been missed in the first round has come back; that hit me in the face a few weeks back, and I don't know how I could have missed that....and I'm trying to figure out how to post a short enough story without a whole lot of detail that will lose people before they can understand what I'm looking for in the way of answers.
Yet, I know if I don't post enough detail, the situation cannot be read into clearly by anyone who wants to help; I've read confusing posts before, and I don't wish to waste people's time reading something that doesn't make sense. I'm also thinking deeply on the whole thing because my memories are not that good anymore. So far, I'm handling this differently than I did before; to the point I've cast the marriage to the wayside for now. I do not wish it to end, and he's given no indication that he wants it to end, either.
This is what's very odd: I've NOT been bombed again, nor has a divorce been asked for. There's no OW this time, just a confusing pattern of behavior, irresponsibility, a time of not wanting to do anything but blow money..and fighting me when I come down hard on him for his share of the household bills.
It's puzzling to me. Strange, but I'm not really upset or bottomed out; and maybe I should be?
There are many things I'm wondering about; and theories I'm also thinking of, like, did the fact that I went into the tunnel myself from late 2002 to 2008 have something to do with this; or when I had gall-bladder surgery in 2007 and nearly died, did that affect him and drive him back into another round of this? Many things have been running through my head for quite awhile. Or was it just like Jim Conway spoke of in his book..they can come out, but if they don't deal with all of their issues they will have reoccurring episodes for the rest of their lives? I'm going to have to go back and read that book again when I make it home..but not before I post my stuff here to be looked at; as alone, I cannot make much sense of the whole thing.
I know I have no responsibility for what he does or doesn't do, and I'm aware I'm not to blame for whatever goes on that's to do with him.
The answer Snodderly gave me to the question I'd asked earlier helped quite a bit, also. There's more but I need to think some more before I try and post it all in order so as not to confuse anyone.
I promise I'm not trying to be cryptic, but I kind of wish my memories would come through crystal for once, so I can figure out where to pick up the next thread of the story from the time I left until now.
My timeframes aren't clear like they were once before; and I'm trying hard to remember, but all I see are fragments that won't come together. It may be because I was in the Change when some or most of this was happening. When I came out, my memories were dimmed and clouded again.
If I think hard enough, some things come back, but others don't, and it's all out of sync.
As you can read, I'm kind of all over the map with this right now.
And I need to put things in proper order and into their respective time frames, and I will do that and soon.
I promise, I'm not suffering from brain damage..just lack of memory.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
I was in the Change when some or most of this was happening. When I came out, my memories were dimmed and clouded again.
I am going to try to ask you some things and if you feel that it is inappropriate, please let me know.
You are in about the same age group as myself and my wife, I am guessing again. I know that the change does different things to women and actually the same to men. For men it just normally takes a much longer time. I am curious how you think this relates to many of the situations on this board, (I know you are not familiar with the present ones but this is a general question not specific to any one sich). Many of my friends (in real life) are going through life changing events, and of course everyone reacts differently, but their is a certain amount of science in all of this.
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I promise, I'm not suffering from brain damage..just lack of memory.
Again this is more science and age than anything else. I can very much relate to what you are going through.
I do find it interesting that most members of this board are at least a decade or 2 younger than I am. Again that is a generalization. I know that there are some people around my age. Some of this might be a factor of the more computer oriented generation. Although that really belongs to my children's generation who are another decade younger than the average age here.
Anyway if I haven't totally confused you, maybe you can share some of your thoughts on this subject.
HB, its good to see you here again! and yes you have helped many people...including myself!
i pray everyday for the inner strength to make it through this and to be as fortunate as you that my h will want his family back! we miss him terribly!
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
Your posts and insights i.e the Stages of MLC have become the some of the MLC Archive Backbones.
Your timeline...however. ; )
I find my wife also not completely done with her MLC, but I see her stronger every day. No OM or any of the outlandish MLC BS actions, just occasional cycles of bad day.
For me, I want to thank you for the MLC Stages, without them I woul dnot have ever posted here or read DB. So from the bottom of my heart, Thank you.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Will be back as soon as I am able; my husband fell in an icy parking lot yesterday; broke his left leg in three places.
Please pray for us; my mind is not here at the moment.
Much love, HB
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
