Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

Oh, he noticed the cleavage! ;-)

I kinda think the don't speak unless spoken to thing is childish...like when my dad used to give my mom the silent treatment!

of course I could be saying that because it's soooo hard for me to do!

So far I haven't felt any relief from it though, you know for myself.

[chatterbug]

Oh, he noticed the cleavage! ;-)

Who does not notice cleavage...

[newmama]

I ate 6-7 of my chocolates and put the rest in the freezer! yikes! they arrived when WH was here. I said "yay! chocolates!" and ate some in front. He cleared his throat but didn't say a word!

Didn't end up going to a movie, but went shopping instead! Bought 2 flattering, sexy tops and some toys for S.

Today WH
-unloaded the dishwasher
-did some laundry
-took out garbage
-offered to make me breakfast
-stocked some sandwich bags
-took care of some recycling stuff

I know, probably guilt related. It is more acts of service though!
Before he left, I told him to have a safe flight and he said "yeah, the company plane is a lot better than commercial so it shouldn't be too bad!"

liar liar pants on fire!

[SusanA]

Hey Newmama,
I don't know if others have commented on your slapdash approach to the legal stuff,but I'd like to weigh in on it. Why do you have to give up your baby every second day? And why are you doing the legal stuff the cheap way? Penny wise is pound foolish -- sorry to come down hard on you, but I took myself off to a lawyer, and discovered that I am in much better shape financially and with respect to my childen than anticipated. Plus, it's a big, huge fat surprise to my h. I doubt very much that the courts would award split custody of a baby.

[newmama]

Susan, I am not concerned in the least about getting enough money! I am smart, contrary to what it might look like, LOL!

According to the laws in my state, 50% custody is legal starting at 1 year of age. Turns out that dads are actually important and valuable--so the courts do not automatically award kids to mom 80% TIME, KWIM?

Every other day is one option or split week in half or do every other week.

And am doing the best for my S--I want to keep him daily but that is not fair to him. Every child needs 2 parents (whether adpoted or step or birth)

But it ain't over til it's over! Thanks for your concern, though!

[mindfull]

Newmama!!!!

Hey! Just a thought, you could allow him to continue all of these Acts Of Service, and become your minion!

Great job, girl!

You aren't just smart. You are BRILLIANT!

[newmama]

Ok so I came back from my overnight visit with S at my friend's house. We had a good time! Then went to the pediatrician who confirmed S is recovering nicely and we are doing the right things to care for him at home.

Just talked to my SIL who will babysit S for me when I have an appt and I offered to babsit her boys on V day night so she and her H can go out! I told her that I have a wii so the boys can bring their games and play over here. She said she'd get back to me.

She asked how I was doing and said it was smart to stay in the present and encouraged me to pull back as much as I can but not to be a biatch about it (she knows her brother). She said that from her knowledge that she gained about As from her experience , counseling, reading, the 1 year point in an A is a "pivotal" time so it is probably a good sign that he has not filed for D yet but also thinks I am doing the right thing for hoping for best yet preparing for worst.

[newmama]

Haha Mindfull,
maybe I will be able to get him to vacuum and mop, dust, go grocery shopping, and clean my car, too!

Well the house is a complete wreck at the moment but it will be clean and garbage will be taken out to the curb by Sunday so he won't have anything to do in terms of Acts of Service! I am sure he could find something....

[SusanA]

Hey newmama, sorry for coming off so harsh. I do believe that you are smart, and capable. So am I. But if you read up on the stats, women post D experience a huge drop in income, while men's income goes way up. It's not about gouging, it's about survival and making sure you take care of your needs and the baby's.
And I also didn't mean to imply that dad's aren't important -- they are critical to the child's welfare and maturing process. But from what I've seen -- here, and in friends lives, and in research -- dad's involvement tends to peter out after a while, especially when there's another woman in the picture.

[newmama]

Ok Susan, thank you for clarifying! I apologize for responding so defensively about fathers. Rest assured, if WH started flaking out, I would be fighting for full custody (if we D). But luckily I just don't see him doing that.

And you are right about income- he makes 2.5 times what I do but we already looked up child support calculator info(last March) and he would be paying me quite a bit, even with 50% custody. We hashed out other expenses as well that he voluntarily offered to pay. Wrote it all up...just hope to God we won't need to go there.