It's always great to reconnect with a friend you haven't seen in a while. Have a wonderful evening and try to steer the convo away from the craziness in life and toward interesting,fun things you both have going on.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Better day today. Maintaining a focus on the positive things in my future, while keeping myself from looking at the past had helped tremendously.
We're in tandem, again! You recently posted (sorry, I forget where) exacty what I've been looking forward to/concentrating my thoughts on:
Originally Posted By: givingitmyall
I would add what I did, and it has worked for me. I made myself stop focusing on W and our past and why W refuses to work on the M. Instead, I have devoted my mental and emotional energy to the positive things that lie ahead for me: -being independent again -deciding where I want to live and what type of housing I want - condo? House? -realizing things I want to do but haven't -realizing there is a world of women out there who will be interested in me and, at some point, one of them will be the right one for me. -thinking of all the things (trips/activities) I will decide to do with my kids.
An exciting GAL/180 (for me, at least!).
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Thanks Gardener. And, I agree we seem to be in the same spot more and more. And, we will both be just fine and very happy with time.
Had a great dinner last night with a couple of friends (H and W). I used to play a lot of golf together. I spotted his M problems early on. And his drinking too much. The H is on his 3rd M.
Didn't know what to expect when I met them for dinner. But, miraculously, he proceeded to tell me how he had been on a remarkably similar path as me - severly curtailed his drinking, has renewed his relationship with God, and has recognized the problems in his M and he and his W were working on those. This is the last thing I expected to hear when I met them for dinner, but I am really proud of them and very happy for them. And a tinge jealous that his W didn't run from her problems, instead, choosing to fight for her M.
I am constantly amazed (and I shouldn't be) at how God works in peoples' lives. And examples like last night make me very happy and strengthen my faith in God and people.
This morning, as a treat (really for me), I decided to take the kids to school rather than having them ride the bus. They were excited, and we joked the entire trip to school. They are truly wonderful.
My PMA is good. Still focusing on the positive that lies ahead. My friends last night, mostly the H, reminded me to stay open to the possibility W could come back. I told him I was open to that, but she has to choose to walk through that door. I no longer stand at the threshold waiting for her. I am moving forward with my life while remaining open to working on the M. But, at this point, I have "done the work" on me and continue to do so. W, not so much. And only SHE can do that.
I couldn't agree w/ you more- it is sometimes painful and a thing of envy to see others cross into our domain- but pull out together.
Obv. I am very happy for all of them- but also a bit jealous. There's two ways of looking at it. 1- there is something we are supposed to learn, and have the terrible priveledge of learning this lesson under our circumstances.
2- the other way is not learning our lesson and faulting our WAS for the lack of committment- and for making us miserable
Most of us will have moments of both feelings- but the goal is to save ourselves and be better for our experience.
I'm in your boat and I'm here for you- we'll be OK
Still working through the D process. Remaining dark, very dark.
I only speak to W if it involves the kids or money. Otherwise, I simply ignore her.
Really trying to keep my focus on the positives in my future.
So, do I remain dark (as dark as you can while living under the same roof)? Seems unless and until she shows she may have doubt about proceeding with the D (and there are NONE of those), this is the best course of action.
Honestly GIMA, if staying dark feels good to you then do it. If it's making you uncomfortable then don't. It's all about you now. Her reactions mean nothing, right?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Honestly GIMA, if staying dark feels good to you then do it. If it's making you uncomfortable then don't. It's all about you now. Her reactions mean nothing, right?
Yes, you're right. I think I am slipping back into thinking I can DO something to bring her back. Just the emotions. Intellectually, I know better.
