Well, no clue what her issue is and why she won't help him complete his homework assignment. Guess it's up to you to be the responsible adult again lol. What else is new?
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I have come to believe that I will have to intervene whenever my x does something jerkish with regards to the kids, myself.
Recent example: S14 forgot his sneakers at his father's house, so he called him and asked if he could drop them off on the way to work. His father balked; had to leave for work early, was going a different way, etc. (he can drive right by our house). S told him he could even throw them out of the moving car rather than stopping - S would collect them from the driveway. He needed his sneakers in the morning so he could participate in PE. X still said no - "Why is it always me that has to do it? Why can't your mother come and pick them up?" It was 9 at night, and X is 15 min drive from my house, so it would take me 1/2 hour, as I am trying to get them settled for bed... S just looked at me.
I finally said, "S, just say goodnight and don't worry about it. We will get up early tomorrow and I will drive you to the other house for your shoes, then bring you to school, then bring D10 to school, then get to work. D10 will just have to get ready early with us and come along. You need the shoes."
Stupid. But I don't want my kids in the middle of him being an a$$hole. And believe me, S realized that his father was being an a$$hole. I don't even try to figure out why he does some of the things he does - I just do the best I can for my kids. Maybe it is a twisted way to try to "instill responsibility" in the kids to remember their stuff? Well, it isn't their fault that they have to bounce between two houses - it's not normal! So, things are going to happen and be forgotten sometimes, and the adults have to behave like adults and take care of things.
Going back and forth between my house and my BFs I forget stuff sometimes. Which means I have to run home in the am before work. And I'm a pretty responsible adult.
Hell, saw my old college roommate a few months ago, crashed at her place overnight, drove to the airport the next morn, was almost home and realized my jacket was still on the back of her chair. Since she's about a 11 hr drive away, she mailed it to me.
But unhappy people take out their misery on those around them.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I finally said, "S, just say goodnight and don't worry about it. We will get up early tomorrow and I will drive you to the other house for your shoes, then bring you to school, then bring D10 to school, then get to work. D10 will just have to get ready early with us and come along. You need the shoes."
FL, you know how she is at this point. What you should have done was listen to your son in the first place. He asked you - he told you that it needed done and in these circumstances we have to do these things. Lessons learned. We have to learn that our X's are out on their own planet. If there is anything you can do to make your son's life easier, then you have to do it. That way you take her out of the drama. And you make your son's life easier.
At this point, you have to know that any disgression of yours is a point she can make her own. If you take that away, your son's life is better. That's the key. Just make your son's life better. Sons remember these garbage days. (I have 3 sons FL - I know) Give yours as little as possible. Make him remember how you made things better.
I haven't been around much lately. I'm in Florida for several weeks. Getting on with my new life. Lovin' it!
First off - congrats on your promotion. That is a real honour and you have every right to feel very proud. And also congrats that things continue to go well with Gym Woman.
I have one of the nuttier exes too (you know that). When I finally stopped communicating with him about garbage (like what he wanted all the time despite court orders etc) I took myself out of the drama. Yes her behaviour is nuts. So is my ex's. But finally I decided to say "yes - he IS nuts. yes - he is not the guy I married. Yes this all sucks that I'm paying the price for his idiocy. yes it sucks that I single parent with no help" but this is the way it is. And I choose to stay out of the drama and deal with what is in front of me.
Try to keep it in perspective. Go sign the paper. Put your son out of his drama. Be the bigger person. It always works. Ignore her. Pretend her assinine behaviour has no effect on you. And think of it as in my situation. Mine involved medical drama. Often. Ambulances. Seizures. E.R. visits. Hospitalization. No what? he doesn't even know most of the time. Because he would just add to the drama. And should I have to do this all by myself? NO! Should he help? YES! But all he concerns himself with is "why can't I see Ryan next week when I had a late meeting on visitation night this week?" Ok - frankly - I don't give a damn that he had a meeting.
Ok - just illustrating that you CAN take yourself out of the drama. And you don't need to keep saying - "she's nutty, isn't she" Yep - she's nutty. But I think she thrives on the drama. So stop adding fuel to her fire. She will fizzle. Mine did. Now its just little flickers once in a while but so minor I just stomp them out. And you can do that too. Takes time. Takes patience. But you can do it.
Your XH sounds really overwhelmed with life. You know how things get when even the smallest thing seems like an overwhelming undoable burden? Sounds like that's where he is for whatever reason. Or, he's just an A$$.
Hey, congratulations, Colonel! Should we just call you "C" now?
Like others have suggested, take care of the kids' needs in the moment, especially those little things that come back to bite you in the patookie. And your divorcing spouse sounds like she's on the defensive, like she's had similar lapses.
