LIMBO NO MO!

[Gardener]

gima,

She's not sure this is what she wants. Keep doing what you are doing but let her know she has the option to stop this at anytime. Load up on the truth darts and use them surgically.

I agree she often seems ambivalent but thus far I've chalked it up to gima's having been so decent and accommodating throughout followed by, for lack of a better term, the "new" gima. That and, of course, her penchant for keeping up appearances.

So, no, don't close any doors completely (or at least don't lock them if you do). However, this:

I know I can't fix her or even persuade her, but it all seems so avaoidable. So, surmountable.... I want it to work, and know it can, but she doesn't.

is the LBH's never-ending dilemma and constant mindset: It always comes back down to/keeps coming back to this. I came right out and said -and emailed - as much to my ex not two weeks ago.

And kept thinking it in court yesterday.

gima, just keep following your heart. And please take my comments above with a very big grain of salt, coming as they do from someone who has just been so reluctantly - and needlessly - Divorced.

[givingitmyall]

What's the best way to let WAS know she has the option to stop this at anytime?

the best way IDK......

I said something like this, the best I remember.

"Since you filed for D, I now have a gun pointed at my head. So to protect myself I have hired a gun to protect myself. If you continue down this path I will fight it every step of the way to protect myself and keep my family intact. You can do whatever you want but I want to be clear that this is your decision to end our marriage and tear our family apart. Since you started the lawsuit then you have the ability to stop it at any time."

You have to say it with conviction and under control, then pull the hood up on the spew raincoat.

Coach, thanks for the input, as always.

I had this conversation with my W. Was the last conversation we have had since last night.

Part of the reason I asked about where she would live last night was to get her thinking about what it would be like. And to let her know I am not afraid of being D'd. I don't want to be D'd, but that's not MY decision. I will handle whatever comes my way.

One other thing I did that I did not put in my post was after I was done, I said to her, "I've asked you questions. Do you have ANYTHING you want to ask me." She said no, which is what I thought she'd say, but I wanted to let her know, yet again, that I have nothing to hide. If she has a concern or question, I want it said that she can ask me.

[Coach]

Part of the reason I asked about where she would live last night was to get her thinking about what it would be like. And to let her know I am not afraid of being D'd. I don't want to be D'd, but that's not MY decision. I will handle whatever comes my way.

One other thing I did that I did not put in my post was after I was done, I said to her, "I've asked you questions. Do you have ANYTHING you want to ask me." She said no, which is what I thought she'd say, but I wanted to let her know, yet again, that I have nothing to hide. If she has a concern or question, I want it said that she can ask me.

Now you are leading. She's watching you very closely right now.

[Gardener]

I said something like this, the best I remember.

"Since you filed for D, I now have a gun pointed at my head. So to protect myself I have hired a gun to protect myself. If you continue down this path I will fight it every step of the way to protect myself and keep my family intact. You can do whatever you want but I want to be clear that this is your decision to end our marriage and tear our family apart. Since you started the lawsuit then you have the ability to stop it at any time."

Very good. Admirably good. And, of course, most of all, successfully good.

And, btw, Coach, no glasses, mustache or flower yesterday!

[givingitmyall]

Part of the reason I asked about where she would live last night was to get her thinking about what it would be like. And to let her know I am not afraid of being D'd. I don't want to be D'd, but that's not MY decision. I will handle whatever comes my way.

One other thing I did that I did not put in my post was after I was done, I said to her, "I've asked you questions. Do you have ANYTHING you want to ask me." She said no, which is what I thought she'd say, but I wanted to let her know, yet again, that I have nothing to hide. If she has a concern or question, I want it said that she can ask me.

Now you are leading. She's watching you very closely right now.

Hope you're right friend. Feels good to lead, but she doesn't seem to have any desire to do anything other than D.

But, I will keep forging ahead.

[Gardener]

But, I will keep forging ahead.

I have no doubt. One of the many things I've admired about you these past months.

[Cadet]

Don't be so sure that her C is leading her down the D path. I felt my C was doing that and she did a lot of validating of my wife's desire to D but by your being strong and not fearing the D it may set in a new reality for your W. You are doing good! Lead the way gently. I am not so convinced that your W wants a D. She does want to get rid of the pain and you do represent the pain but she needs as much time and space as possible to come to that realization that YOU are not the real problem.

[Gardener]

Hijack:
Coach,
You still around?
Question:
Early on you told me you had set (page x) as your opening page whenever you opened DB.

How is that done? I want a certain page to come up when I click on/open DB.

Or maybe gima or anyone else might know?
Thanks.

[Cadet]

Go to that page copy the url and bookmark that url. When you go to that bookmark you get the page you want to come up.

[Gardener]

NEVER MIND: Figured it out. Thanks.
Coach,
You still around?
Question:Early on you told me you had set (page x) as your opening page whenever you opened DB.How is that done? I want a certain page to come up when I click on/open DB.Or maybe gima or anyone else might know?
Thanks.