My Story

[nsw1222]

Ok, maybe I do sound needy. yes right now I am. yes I do need to stop this roller coaster ride that I am going through the past couple days.
The above is my dilemma. Where to draw the line and stand firm. Money doesn't mean a damn thing to me. Money is easy and can be made by working. Ive dug ditches, Ive slung hamburgers. I'm not afraid of work.
What I am afraid of is being alone. I am also afraid of that woman being in another city, alone and desperate thinking she now has no one to turn to as her husband has cut her off completely.
Yes I need to learn to love myself and to take care of myself I can see that. But to not be able to show compassion to another human being who has been with you through some hard times and good times. What kind of world would I have going through life being that type of person?
She is already gone. I know this. But I cannot see abandoning her like a dog on the corner.

I'm not trying to pick fights, please don't take me wrong. I am just hearing so many things right now on what to do and my heart/little boy inside is telling me something else.Just trying to cut through the fog.

I feel the same way Wired...and I'm scared that no matter what I do it will be the wrog thing. And so far, everything I've done has been the wrong thing.

You think "if I treat her like this...why would she ever want to come back?"

But then if she is indeed looking for someone who will stand up to her, you think "maybe it will work".

You go back and forth between these two ideas...but what's common among both of them is that you consider either decision while thinking about how she will react...and the only outcome you want from either decision, no matter which one you make...is that you want your W back...you want your family back.

I dont envy you...as I'm in a similar predicament...and for me each new days beings the same insecurity and confusion. So I hope you will be able to be one up on me and shake off the confusion.

[Wired]

I just read your stitch nsw, seems we both have alot of growing up to do before everyone here gets tired of us and kicks us out.
But we have to get stronger for ourselves starting now.

She asked me to drive her to her doctors appt. in the morning due to she hates to drive in incliment weather. Ive already spent 3 vacation days over this and dont know how many I will need to spend for the rest of this and Im letting projects backup here at work.
I told her I will check conditions in the morning and if they are tolarable she can drive herself.
No more cake eating for her. She left me, not I her.

[Wired]

Feeling alot better today. Medicine the doctor prescribed has me sleeping through the night now. And my head seems to be clearing up to where I can focus on one thought at a time and concentrate on the outcome of that thought instead of thinking of multiple outcomes.
I can breath again. Now to move forward.

[jasper67]

I agree w/ both of you that there is a line that we walk- remember that the problem is doing or not doing something out of fear.
We have to lose the fear of losing our W's and M's. Only then will we be free and can become whole again.
I toyed w/ all the angles- and w called them just that- angles. I looked at them more as reasons or factors- love, history, property, debt, family, jobs, etc etc etc.
I worked all of them- and it was all perceived to be what they were- pursuit, pressure, and neediness.

Then you read the one post or two maybe about the WAW who says I wanted you to fight for me. We read that and think AH HAH! That's what she wants.

The best way to go is to follow what the vets say- distance, detach, dont pursue, no R talk, and focus on you.

We all have a lot of growing up to do...and believe me- we all deserve a second chance but only some of us may get it.

We need to play the odds and be prepared if this is end game...become the WAS and regain your power

[Wired]

Never thought a couple little pills would help clear ones mind so much that they only hear one voice giving them direction.
I cant wait to see my therapist for the first time next week and see what they have to say. I have a feeling it wont be much as I for the first time in 18 years I feel I am thinking clearly.

I went to the bank yesterday and pulled out a large sum of money we had due to some major overtime I had and started my own account.(No I am not leaving her broke) When our income tax check comes in I will be pulling half of it out also. When she asks why I will simple say that you are the one walking out on me and I need to get on with my life.

I really wanted to save my marriage, but I was ready to destroy myself in the process. I cannot do this. I will continue to provide for my children the best I can. But she is going to have to realize I am moving on until she is willing to meet me halfway and talk about this together.
I guess I have broken all the rules of DR, but I have to save myself before I can do anything else.
Thank You all for the kind words and support as I first boarded the roller coaster.

[sandi2]

I am so glad to hear you are feeling better. That has to be the beginning place for you. Now you see how much better you will be able to function. Just don't do like so many men tend to do about medicine.....and stop taking it when you begin to feel better. It doesn't mean you don't still need it, it means the medicine is "working"......and that is great. You are lucky that you didn't have to try several before finding the right one. Continue to follow your doctor's advice and no matter how long you need to stay on the presciption...it will be worth it, right?

[Wired]

LoL Sandi,
Heck Im afraid he will take me off the medicine! I can sleep for the first time in weeks and actually find myself coming into work earlier and earlier.(flex time)
God she pissed me off Friday and I almost backslid 100 miles.
When I told her that I was taking half of the tax return to pay for my own attorney she goes into this long rant in front of the kids about how daddy is being a jerk now and wont pay for her to get a divorce and she doesnt know what to do now.
I just smiled and said I will talk to you about this later and went into the bedroom to watch a movie.
Dunno if she is come down from that yet or not as I havent talked to her in 2 days.

[sandi2]

I think as long as your doctor knows it is helping you, he/she will probably continue to prescribe it.

Has your W always talked so disrespectful to you in front of the children? That is very bad b/c it teaches the kids not to respect you and it also sets a standard form them whenever they M.

You handled youself better than flying off the handle at her, but what can you say or do to draw a boundary & consequence whenver showing lack of respect in front of the kids? I know that must really bother you!

[Awoken]

Wired,

I'm so glad that you are doing better. I've still been watching your thread; just had a busy week. Besides, you've got the best here helping you out.

Hang in there, friend.

[sandi2]

Good morning Wired. I just read a post you sent to a newcomer encouraging him to hang on. You told him how bad it got for you a couple of weeks ago. It scared me, Wired. Please tell us or talk to somebody whenever you hit the darkest place like that again, okay? It is very important that you take care of "you" first, b/c you can't handle this stress or take care of your family if you are completely broken physically & emotionally. I know you know that.....but I just had to stop reading and come by your thread and see about you. Are you still feeling better after getting on your meds? As I told you, I have had to take AD's for years. There were some that would work at first and then it was as if it would stop and some just didn't do anything. I have finally be given a prescription that is doing more than anything I've ever been on. So....if you reach a place that you feel that it isn't doing what it needs to, please, please contact your doctor at once.