My Story

[gman]

Wired,
One thing that could really help with the sleep is the exercise I mentioned. Wear yourself out, go outside and run till you can't anymore.

been watcing your situation as well as dealing with my own - i have been running almost everyu day/night for 3-4 weeks now. My mind still wanders as i fall asleep, but by body takes over and wants and needs it's rest.

it is a good way to GAL too, not to mention i am down 15 pounds and feel much better physically than i have in years.

Do it for you.

[Wired]

Thanks Gucci,
Twice I have been given the wake up slap today. I needed that.

[MrBond]

wired,

Have you thought about getting some professional help? I think you need someone in front of you that you can unload on. Do you have any close guy friends?

Gucci's right about you sounding really needy. I understand the loneliness, pain of rejection and all that. We all do. The thing is that you need to pull it all together. Think of yourself like Rocky. You're down but not out. You've got to live for yourself. If you want a goal, then fight for your kids. They are YOUR kids too after all.

You listed all of her goals and what she wants to do. Well what do YOU want to do? Aside from saving your M, if you had not married, what did you always want to do?

You need to do something that will light the fire under your ass and get your mind off the R. Listen to a song that's inspiring or something that gets you off your feet and into action. Watch a guy flick or something. Anything to get your mind off the sitch.

It's hard to do but once you get started, it gets easier each day.

[Wired]

Stuck, I did have my first Dr. appt. today. He has put me on some medication to take the edge of the depression and anxiety. He also gave me the card to a therapist here that is free through a program my work has set up.
Had a good long talk with a friend today who also pounded in the "wake up" and start taking action. So that makes 3 slaps to the head.
Honestly, I really have no ideal what I want to do right now. But will post back as soon as I get my plan layed out.
I need to pull away from this board for a couple days as I look back and see that I have been using it as a crutch waiting for the magic words to come through that would make everything alright. Not realizing they have been here all along.

[MrBond]

Good for you. Did you actually read DR though? It will help you come up with an "action oriented" plan. That will help you get your focus back once you have a goal set in mind.

[robx]

Here is my conflict.
I read some things on this board that says I need to be her friend and do everything she needs to get restarted(I could be emotionally seeing the message wrong)
I also see that I need to take care of my self but I feel like if I fight her every step of the way and force her out that what kind of a person does that make me?

I know I have to take care of myself, but finding that line between taking care of myself and treating her with respect and dignity and doing what is right by the children is the grey line that I am having trouble seeing.

"...I read some things on this board that says I need to be her friend [b]and do everything she needs to get restarted"

Can I ask who told you that?
Probably someone who wants you to live in sadness & limbo for the rest of your life.

Honestly, someone on this site told you to do everything she needs to get started?!

Who?!

You need to take care of yourself and put your needs at the forefront because you can sure that she doesn't have your best interests as part of her plan on leaving you.

Take care of you.

[Wired]

Trying to find it now Robx, it was the "man up" thread.
But as I said I have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster the past few days and I may have taken the point entirely wrong. Trying to find the post now.
And this place is like a darn magnet.
I am about halfway through DR, but need to go back to the start here shortly once I get my head clear of all the other thoughts.

[Wired]

Ok there must be a timer on the edit limit as I cannot edit the post above.
This is what I am talking about in the "Man Up Thread"

"everyone (mostly her family and friends) told me to let her choke on her own space that she was asking for, to let her fall flat on her face in the task of moving a household including our children. Effectively going dark." -I am getting the same advice.

"Why would I do that to my best friend...the person I chose to marry and have children with. My W received virtually no help from any of her friends/family. If I did the same, I would just be one of them and would have justified her choice."
-She has no one. Her father is a drunk, her mom doesn't speak to her, the friend she is getting advice from is divorced from a guy who beat her and has tried to separate us from day one. The woman has no one but our kids.

Ok, maybe I do sound needy. yes right now I am. yes I do need to stop this roller coaster ride that I am going through the past couple days.
The above is my dilemma. Where to draw the line and stand firm. Money doesn't mean a damn thing to me. Money is easy and can be made by working. Ive dug ditches, Ive slung hamburgers. I'm not afraid of work.
What I am afraid of is being alone. I am also afraid of that woman being in another city, alone and desperate thinking she now has no one to turn to as her husband has cut her off completely.
Yes I need to learn to love myself and to take care of myself I can see that. But to not be able to show compassion to another human being who has been with you through some hard times and good times. What kind of world would I have going through life being that type of person?
She is already gone. I know this. But I cannot see abandoning her like a dog on the corner.

I'm not trying to pick fights, please don't take me wrong. I am just hearing so many things right now on what to do and my heart/little boy inside is telling me something else.
Just trying to cut through the fog.

[MrBond]

"But to not be able to show compassion to another human being who has been with you through some hard times and good times. What kind of world would I have going through life being that type of person?"

Showing compassion is not a bad thing. However your W doesn't want your compassion. That's the difference. You give it to those who need it and deserve it. Right now your W wants distance away from you. So give it to her. Don't give her attention she doesn't want.

Being a man means being able to take care of yourself and being secure in your ability to take of conflicts when they come up. If you're not secure in your own skin, you are not going to be secure fixing somebody else.

Get your foundation set in stone. Establish your boundaries as to what is or is not acceptable to YOU. Not anyone else.

[Wired]

Ok right or wrong. You are the 4th person to say this to me today. I will go through with it as I planned. Seeing attorney Friday. My attorney that is. She can see hers on her own.