Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[mindfull]

Newmama -

OK, so, I went to three different grocery stores... no bread bowls! Where did you get them? I want to make chili this weekend, and your dinner sounded devine!!!

Your H is a good Daddy. I can see you're proud of that.

Now if he could be a good H! Wash that skank right outta your life!!!

Which PJ's did you get? I just got some cute pink/purple boxer shorts (Kalni's idea) that had been backordered for a month!!

[chatterbug]

buy a round loaf of bread and cut it out...

[newmama]

Yes, Cutter is right! I should have said they were round sourdough bread loaves! But I got them in my bakery at my local grocery store.

My PJs actually have tons of red "squished" V like hearts with drawstring bottoms and a button up long sleeved collared top!

I also got to wear my new lingerie....vava VOOM!

So last night's belly dancing went really well! The teacher even complimented me on a move I did! (HUGE because as I've said before, I am NOT coordinated)

My baby boy is still very sick with his terrible congested cold :-( so we just stayed home yesterday and will today too.
But yesterday I planted my herbs and made a HUGE pot of "turkey" veggie soup using the turkey carcass from Thanksgiving that I stuck in the freezer.

So today I need to find another project...I really am loving these projects! Maybe putting the rest of the photos in albums or in mini frames? Cleaning out some junk drawers?

Can't wait for my belly dancing DVD to arrive!

Now before I left last night, I was a little worried (of course) about S. But WH just assured me that he would be okay and to have a good time. SO I stayed out but not as late as normal because I was anxious to be home and care for him!

And tonight WH takes him overnight again, but this time I have plans to stay the night at my friend's house (married with kids). I used to do this before I was married--would just drive down in horrendous traffic and then spend the night and we would
just stay in and play games and drink beer! So it will be strange to do it again. But good at the same time....thank God for my friends!

[Day by Day]

Have fun tonight newmama! Reconnecting with your friends and doing the things you used to do is great. Get in touch with who you used to be before M. Just be you without the identity of being M. It's saved me. Thank God for my friends too.

Can't wait to hear about your weekend.

[newmama]

well S wasn't getting better. So on Saturday a.m., WH texts me to say he had a rough night with S and had him sleeping upright so he could breathe. He wasn't drinking formula but was drinking pedialyte. "He's ok" he said. ?!? I don't think so!

So I texted back that I would be staying home from the superbowl party and could he visit him 9-2 like original plan? He said let's see how he is tomorrow a.m. but I think he'll be fine (to take him 1-6!)

Well I decided that with or without WH's blessing, I was taking him to urgent care. When WH arrived with him, I told him. He asked why and I told him S wasn't getting better after 5 days, and I was worried he had an ear infection. He laughed and said "he DOESN'T" have an ear infection. Well I couldn't help it, I glared at him. Then he said "of course I might have to eat my words..."

Well WH said he would follow us to Urgent Care and leave from there. When we arrived there was a 90 minute wait! So all 3 of us walked around a nearby crafts store for a little bit, then I said S and I would be fine if he needed to go.

So he left, BUT I forgot ny cell phone! I assured him I would call him when we got home or use the clinic's phone.

[newmama]

When we were finally seen, sure enough he had an ear infection and bronchiolitis, probably due to RSV. She gave him breathing treatment and antibiotics. I used the phone to call WH and got his voicemail.

When we FINALLY got home, it was at 4:30; 3.5 hours later! I quickly started to feed S and saw WH's texts. One said that he got my message and that he guesses it was good we went in-never second guess mother's intuition. The other one was at 4 and said "please call me when you get home to tell me how it went"

So I called him and filled him in and assured him that we just got home so I didn't get a chance to call sooner. S was screaming in he background. I was trying to get off the phone but WH kept asking more q's and was feeling soooo guilty for not knowing S needed to go in as well as not being there, I think!He agreed to just come over in the a.m.

All night S tossed and turned. When WH arrived, he brought some things I had asked for as well as other stuff for S. He told me to go and sleep! So I tried and stayed upstairs for 3.5 hours. I came down after getting ready and got on my laptop in another part of the house. Man, WH just kept talking to me!

[P17]

So he left

WHAT? HE LEFT? Where did he go?

Man, WH just kept talking to me!

You know what that is newmama, don't you?

[newmama]

At one point, WH said "when you go back to work, I will still keep S on my insurance so he is double covered."

Also "If you need, I can see if I can get home early from work so you can have a break"

Then"I can take him Tuesday night so you--" I interrupted and said "No!" He tried to explain that he wants to help take care of S because he sees how hard I am working and he wants me to get some sleep, too.
Gee, I have the perfect idea for how to arrange that!!
But I assured him that since I am at home and not working, I could handle being sleepy during the day. I also assured him that I know he would take really good care of him, but I just want to be near him. He said he understood.

Well then he leftas I was rocking S to sleep.
GUILT GUILT GUILT

Today I am tired of DBing!!!! I want to take a break! There is no end in sight! But like I said, this month,he will be here but I will be gone so I get a break from seeing him and from DBing.

In fact, I could even not cook dinner this week at all! WH would not think I was doing it on purpose.

[newmama]

Originally Posted By: newmama

So he left


WHAT? HE LEFT? Where did he go?


Quote:

Man, WH just kept talking to me!



You know what that is newmama, don't you?

I don't know where he went...probably to OW! I was surprised that he left since he is so attached to S!

And I am guessing that he was talking to me because of guilt for S? Is that right?

[P17]

I don't know where he went...probably to OW! I was surprised that he left since he is so attached to S!

You are surely winding me up? He didn't go to work, a fire, or something just as important? He went back to OW? You are effing kidding me?

So, his son is ill. Ill enough to have to be taken to hospital? Yeah? And he ... errr ... decides that it's not that serious, as of course he is a Doctor and leaves?

I'm sorry Newmama. If my daughter was ill. Even if it was a minor 'ear infection' (which is what you thought it was at the time) I'd have stayed to make sure he was okay.

I remember one time that D's mum called me and told me D was in hospital and I went up the wall as she left it until after everything had been done. I was all set for driving 300 miles to make sure I could be with her when she woke up (she had split her head falling on a plant pot). THAT'S what a dad does. F me.

And I am guessing that he was talking to me because of guilt for S? Is that right?

LOL ... Yeah. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. As you said.

I actually did have a lot of time for you WH. I thought maybe he was just confused but I've suddenly realised, he is slightly more than that and needs a kick up the backside.

Really. Kids come first First. First. End of story. When he grows up and stops playing Call Of Duty with OW and realises that then maybe he can be a good dad and influential person in S's life.

Truly sickened newmama. Truly.