I know exactly what you mean. It sucks. It just plain sucks. Period. We can do whatever we need to do to get through, think whatever we need to do to get through it, and say whatever we need to do to get through it...but the bottom line is...it sucks! You're right though...it's not in our best interests to become so bitter that we poison ourselves and those around us. I think it's about compassion, especially compassion for ourselves!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Good job on getting through work yesterday! Excellent.
It all comes down to choices with the divorce. I listened to folks who talked so negatively about their divorces and was surprised to learn that it had happened years, decades ago. They still talked about their former spouses. I figured divorce stories are like labor stories. All you can do is talk about it initially and then you move on to what's in your life.
I made a conscious decision. I was a good person before the divorce and I was going to be a good person after the divorce. I was going to avoid name calling, unnecessary gossip and be a positive role model for me.. and my kids.
I didn't want bitterness and anger to plague me, so I sent blessings to my former spouse whenever I felt angry or fearful. Doing so relieved my angst and let me move forward in a positive manner.
I was unhealthy in mind, body and spirit in my marriage. My spirit was crushed. I went to counseling. Went in with no ego, made a conscious decision to trust the phenomenal counselor. And the excellent psychiatrist. I did not fight having the medication increased. The goal: To be in a good place to make good decisions. Did the homework. I asked for help from friends, family, this online community. The worst anyone could say was no.
Being a good person was not enough. I needed structure for making decisions. These were my foundation.
Be in a good place to make good decisions.
If it's right, the answer is yes. If it's wrong, don't do it. If you can't decide or waffle, the answer is no.
Be Impeccable With Your Word Don't Take Anything Personally Don't Make Assumptions Always Do Your Best
You have a lot on your plate.. your son, your job, your tendon, your divorce, your children, your husband. Take one piece at a time, one day at a time.
Go to the CODA meetings. Check in with a CODA person every day.. whether it's your sponsor or someone you admire. Keep reading The Language of Letting Go, Co Dependent No More.
Make a plan.. just a little list.
Just try your best everyday. Some days it's great, other days not so good.
It's a journey of growth, happiness and stability.
You're worth it.
*hugs*
You will have the good stuff in life which is intangible. Take care of you. Face your fears.
I liked your realization yesterday about your son and his father. You son will create his own relationship with his dad. You can only control yours and be there for your son.
Off work again, another week until I have MRI and results read. Strong possibility that it's not tendonitis, but instead a torn Achilles tendon. Would explain all the pain. At this point, I'm not real optimistic about my job. But, I won't fire myself today...instead, I'll ice it down, and wait for the MRI people to call. Surf the web. Play with Hazel, the old woman in the wonder-cat body. I should really write a book. No one would believe what I've been through in the last three years. Movie of the week? I think I'd like Gwenyth Paltrow to play Goldey. And the Big Bad Wolf? Hmmm....How about that huge guy from the James Bond movies (Goldfinger perhaps) that didn't talk much but scared the cr!p out of everyone? I'm rambling... S16 refused my phone call last night. Reports are that he had a bad day.
You know...staying home all day with nothing to do has it's perks. No TV, no distractions. Lotsa time to think, read, sleep. Eat chocolate. Paint toes. Car is in the shop, which is fine, since I can't drive anyway. The mechanic just called, gave me an update on the Honda, and offered to bring me something from Starbucks. I hope he is kidding.
