My Story

[Wired]

Think of her like a teenager. She's making demands, throwing a tantrum and running away from home. You stand strong yet be flexible enough to avoid her tantrums.

I like this! Thank You!!

[sandi2]

Other symptoms are often masked as "laziness". Depression is often seen as being lazy, but that's not true. When you feel good, then you aren't usually lazy. Learn to be disciplined but also learn to be your own best friend, b/c your W is not going to be it! Glad you got your eyes opened before you handed everything over on a silver platter.

I have been reading in these forums has shown me that this same weakness that I am now displaying is the same weakness that has put me in this situation.

Okay, well that's good. So set your goals and stay focused about setting out to do what needs to be done. When you are use to putting things off......it's hard to change, but not impossible. If you want to change badly enough, you can do it!

May I suggest that you don't try to stop smoking until you get the depression handled? You may be facing a D and you don't need to try to stop doing all your addictions (like smoking) at the same time you're drepressed and having M trouble! A lot of good men have tried and learned it was too much to handle all at one time.

I know you feel that your world has come to an end, but many people are here who can talk to you and know exactly how you're feeling. Remember that this woman you see today is not who you M. You need to grieve over the death of that R and decide that you'll seek to become a new man....and some day have a new R (maybe with this lady, or maybe not) but at any rate, you will be fine.

We've all made mistakes and we all learn from each other. You are not alone in this, okay?

[Wired]

Thank you Sandi,
Will be spending some time at the bookstore this evening and seeing what is out there. I have one of Micheles books picked out and will have to order the one that gman mentioned.

I guess I need to come to the realization that this is not going to be an instant gratification phase of my life and one of the hardest struggles I have ever had.

I do appreciate all that our helping in this thread, and I hope that you guys will continue to follow along with this as right now this is my life line. Will keep updating as things progress and try to minimize the simple questions.
-And no this PC does not have a spell checker so please forgive my typos

[Wired]

One last question for the day:
She wants a divorce, I dont. Do I fight it or go along with the plan? (Lawyer appointments, helping her pack, selling things, etc. etc.)
Or is that something I will learn as I read some of the books here?

[flowmom]

Sorry you're going through this Wired.

I was ready to give up on everything and Ill be honest even have had suicidal thoughts just to end the pain.

Your first GAL step is to deal with these thoughts. It's great that you are seeing a C. Don't beat around the bush: discuss these thoughts with your C right away. Talk to your doctor about depression and your suicidal thoughts. You're in for a rough ride in the next little while, and while feeling in pain is normal, suicidal thoughts mean that you need help with managing your moods and thinking. Something you can do yourself is challenging the cognitive distortions that add fuel to the suicidal thoughts.

I would recommend getting the Divorce Remedy book (Divorce Busting is an earlier edition).

[Puppy Dog Tails]

One last question for the day:
She wants a divorce, I dont. Do I fight it or go along with the plan? (Lawyer appointments, helping her pack, selling things, etc. etc.)
Or is that something I will learn as I read some of the books here?

You drag your feet. Don't be a horse's ass, but you don't have to help it along, either.

Puppy

[flowmom]

One last question for the day:
She wants a divorce, I dont. Do I fight it or go along with the plan? (Lawyer appointments, helping her pack, selling things, etc. etc.)

At this stage, never initiate conversations about D or separation. If you don't want a D, do absolutely nothing to move it forward -- make her do all the work. Whether on not you help her with moving out, etc. depends on the specifics of the situation and you will learn more about that from the DR book. Tell your W that you've decided that you are not ready to make any legal or financial decisions right now.

[SmileysPerson]

Her divorce is Not Your Job.

You're a busy man. You've got things to do. Garages to clean. Shoes to polish. Tackle boxes to reorganize. You wish you could, you know, help a bruvva out 'n' sh*t, but unfortunately your dance card is full.

[MrBond]

"She wants a divorce, I dont. Do I fight it or go along with the plan? (Lawyer appointments, helping her pack, selling things, etc. etc.)"

What do you want? Do you want a D? If not, then you come up with an action plan. Read DR to find out how. Start getting on friendly terms with your W and do things for yourself as if you were single again.

Live life for you. Not for her. I know in the beginning you're going to want everything wrapped up as quickly as possible, but it's not going to happen overnight.

You need prayer and a heck of alot of patience. Take things one day at a time and you'll start to get rid of that fear that you have building in the pit of your stomach.

[sandi2]

I agree, Wired. Talk to your doctor and realize that this is a very difficult time that you are going through. It does not make you less of a man to know when you need medication to sleep or to handle depression.

Make it a priority to take care of your own well being, b/c you can't take care of anything else if you don't.