All in all, a pretty decent day. Although I overdid it yesterday, and won't be doing that again. Visit w/ S16 went well. Not great, but good enough. I'm headed to bed. G'night.
Goals for Goldey: February 5 hours: Eat, Breathe, Hydrate, Pray, Ask for help 5 days: Take care of my body, relax, keep fear and anger in check 5 weeks: Take care of my body and appear in court w/ L 5 months: Get De-Married, sell house, gain sole custody of S16, and possibly D13 5 years: To forgive my chicken sh!t STBX-Hus for the years of abuse and neglect. And help the next girl find her Superboots.
Goals are good. Making plans helps ease uncertainty, if not eliminating it altogether. Take it day-by-day, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute.
It's like being a small cog in a huge gear mechanism -- you focus on your own slow cycles, revolving tooth by tooth until you make 360 degrees. Then you do it again, and again. Pretty soon you can assess your overall situation and see that indeed the whole mechanism of your life has slowly advanced forward. If/when those times come when it all seems insurmountable and daunting, just stay focused on your one small cog and continue to ratchet one tooth at a time until you make another revolution -- and then do it again. Keep your scope to what you can handle at any given time.
While I understand the feeling like a failure because of the past, it's not productive or healthy for today. You did your best to make it work, you are still working and loving on yourself. You didn't control your STBXH. This quote is from Coach John Wooden:
Quote:
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming."
Enjoy the journey.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thank you Coach, I see the thinking error. I will surely go insane if I try to keep S16 from seeing his dad. What I can control is whether or not I have this man in MY life. This is a funny little 'coaster we ride, huh?
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
I had checked out for several months on the newcomers area. I still don't know where to be really, but I guess this is the right place.
Unfortunately I have lost touch with many great mentors here. Puppy, 25yrmarc, but stuck808 checked in with me. If you could somehow let then know I am here and could use any and all support I would greatly appreciate it.
Now as for you my new friend. I am happy for you that you are here. Now that may sound messed up, ....... well I guess your right it does. But, I mean that in the best way possible, you know way better than I do what an incredible thing this site is.
I must admit, it is still odd for me to think about it though. I was born two weeks after Woodstock, I watched a black and white tv until I was about 10, and phones where in our homes or on a street corner for a dime. But now we meet and talk with people in a "community" online. I think your about my age so you know what I mean, It's still just weird, Laugh Out Loud..... again another weird statement.
ANYWAYS
I will make the time to read about you and your life.
I wish you peace, unconditional love and know you will have my compassion.
Good morning, especially to those who lurk... Although I've been at this a while, I don't think there can be a simple Divorce. Not with kids, and history, and hurt. I can preach getting 'De-Married' all I want, and attempt to maintain distance by referring to it as 'dissolving a business' but who am I kidding? We were married. We had a family. A messed-up family, but a family none the less. I would like to complete this task (the D) without becoming so bitter that I poison myself and those around me. It doesn't have to be complicated. Today, I think I'm feeling a little nostalgic. I'm just gonna sit with that for a while.
