There were really similar dynamics when H and I were in counselling, ending in May/09. The C really put the focus on H shifting, and they did a couple of IC sessions together. Unfortunately, he just wouldn't deal with his stuff. The counsellor kept saying we were "at an impasse" and we eventually stopped going. It sounds like your MC is more skillful though, and your H made a breakthrough that my H never did (when I was present anyway). It sounds like your H is making himself pretty vulnerable in C, and that's also promising.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
The weekend passed and we didnt talk about anything. Just as anticipated. Which means I still have no asnwers to what I asked for. Which means, I either let it slide or insist. Of course I will not let it slide. Sometimes I feel like I am pushing too hard, feel sorry for him. He looks pushed into a corner. He looks as if his mask of "not reacting will make it go away" is finally dropping. He reminds me of the possums in Ice Age 3 that play dead everytime danger comes close. Only this time, "danger" is not going away. He may still choose to do that, but he will be well aware what it is he is doing and he is informed well in advance of the consequences.
Last night, late, I told him I need to ask him again what he has decided. He said he has decided he wants us to continue trying. He doenst want to give up. I told him what I need/want hasnt change and it wont. So, if we are so far apart, it is only good for our kids to be honest with each other and do what needs to be done. He didnt comment/answer or anything...
I will not book a session this week. If he wants to go, he needs to ask me to arrange it or set it up himself. I will also arrange to go away for a couple of days.
I am looking forward to the show for Friday. The opening night was reported as MAGICAL. It's been some time that I enjoyed a concert... K
I just sat here (taking a studying break) and was reading back on your sitch. There are allot of similarities in our sitch and we have actually been going at it for about the same time. My W never "physically" left and the MC was long ago and we did go to separate C's but wow I think I am where you are...
I told him since my choice is to be monogamous cause I like it, it's what fits me and my romantic ideas, cheating and getting things from "other sources" outside my M, is not an option for me. My only option is to try to create what I want with him, or if that aunt possible, with someone else if I am lucky. I told him I am very afraid of what is going to happen and know that this is taking a huge step hopefully forward but I feel good and happy with my decisionI have finally found some peace. I am USING my right to CHOOSE how I want my life to be and honestly I ONLY want him to do the same. I think the timing is right for both of us. I wish you were my MC…
Let me ask you this...Did reading PM get you to this point? Did it really help? You see for me… When I read it I liked what I read but it seems to me that unless both W and I learned something from the book it was only helping me… not both of us. Yes it helped our marriage ˝ ways but the other half was up to her...Do you understand what I am trying to say?
Maybe I should read it again Right now we are both preparing for job interviews so the stress level it pretty high so it will have to wait but soon…. Very soon
Doc
Last edited by Dr LOve; 02/01/1003:49 PM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I don't know if the question is really can he change, he'll have to. He's gotta jump one way or the other, and if he doesn't jump out of C, he's gotta change. I think you fear that he will find someone else rather than grow because that's what he did before. But I don't know he'd do it again now that he realizes it's not the easy way out, now that he knows he'd lose you and his family forever.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I do believe also that men have a hard time picking up the reins after their wives have done things for so long. My ex would just wait for me to do it, knowing that I would get fed up of asking.
Perhaps it is simplistic to say "H I will not be making the joint appointments anymore. You will need to do so. I do think the C is necessary but it is now your task to arrange."
Keep up the positive thoughts.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Gno, (and mish) the first night was amazing, at least that's what I heard. Haroula is at her best, mature and her voice is even more oslid than before. It's a 2 hours show at a theater and she will be perfoming only for 15 nights. K
Mishka, search Haroula on Wikipedia and it will bring up a biography. It's not her born name, but more of a nickname/stage name. I can't look up any of her stuff on YouTube from work, but she sounds amazing.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
