LIMBO NO MO!

[Energizer Bunny]

I can't stand the "buddy" relationship either.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, why would I want to be "buddies" with someone who would treat me like that?!?!?!?

By the way, GIMA. It can get better once she is out of the house.

[givingitmyall]

I can't stand the "buddy" relationship either.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, why would I want to be "buddies" with someone who would treat me like that?!?!?!?

By the way, GIMA. It can get better once she is out of the house.

Thanks EB. I do think when we are under different roofs, it will be both hard at first then easier on me not being around her all the time.

At this point, there is NOTHING I find attractive about my W.

[givingitmyall]

A little long post, but I have some stuff I need to get off my chest.

Well, I made it through S's birthday dinner last night. We went out to a restaurant my S picked. My STBX in-laws were there. While my MIL acts her age, my FIL does not. Has never and at 75, I don't see that changing.

On the way to the restaurant, we took two cars. Not really oddly, but STBXW and STBX FIL in one car, and me, STBX MIL and the kids in mine. STBX MIL breaks part of one of my seatbelts!!! OK, no problem, I tell STBX MIL. I will just have that fixed.

We get to the restaurant. At one point, FIL, who was angry b/c W, who planned the dinner to this place, did not bother to get a reservation on a Saturday night. Too much on her mind? S had told me earlier in the week he wanted me to cook something for him, so I did not make a reservation anywhere. So, FIL is ticked we can't, as a party of 6, be seated immediately, on a Saturday night. He wants to speak to a manager, is outwardly vocal in his displeasure (many could hear) and caps off his childish behavior by slamming down his menu on the table, which makes a loud noise b/c the menus were hard backed.

Making it through dinner was tougher than I thought it would be. I was seated directly across from STBXW, who I simply don't even want to look at. At the same table are my STBX in-laws, who so kindly "loaned" STBXW a LOT of $$$$ for her L's retainer to help her break apart MY family. Tough pill to swallow. Very bitter medicine.

There was one bright spot for me. When we were forced to wait a whole 20 minutes (did I say it was Saturday night and we were a party of 6?!), and after FIL complains that he can't understand why we can't be seated immediately when others (who, BTW, HAVE reservations) are being seated, I calmly respond by saying it's Saturday night, we are a party of 6, we don't have a reservation (hmm, who was supposed to make that reservation again?!) and that it's not reasonable to expect we will be seated as soon as we arrive. That temporarily shut him up, but not for long. Suffice it to say, I will NOT miss FIL's childish, rude outbursts and his sense of entitlement to special treatment wherever he goes. I will have to make sure my kids do not develop those qualities. They are some of my most unfavorite traits/flaws.

So, we finished up dinner eventually. STBX in-laws went from the restaurant to their hotel, and STBXW, kids and I drove home. Not a word b/w W and I on the drive. I did speak to kids.

STBXW went straight to bed, while I stayed up with the kids for about an hour to watch TV, and just cuddle with D6. I LOVE that.

So, today, I have some work to do. I will stay busy with that, then S has baseball try-outs this afternoon late.

Yesterday, I processed a lot of anger, resentment towards W. I did not allow that to control me, and I am managing that well. But, I have NO desire to speak to STBXW about anything.

I am strong, but this has been a tough week guys. I feel pretty strongly about not talking to STBXW. That may not be the most mature thing, but I find it impossible to have a "friend"ly discussion with the woman who so seemingly with ease and not a thought is so determined to tear apart our family. Little bit of a vent there, but that's how I'm feeling. And that's where the anger is coming from.

[iwantittowork]

GIMA,

It HAS been a tough week for you, so acknowledge and accept that. You made it through it, and now move forward.

You are in a tough spot right now, so don't imagine your going to be happy, or indifferent. That's just too much pressure on yourself to feel good about a situation that sucks. Just know that things will get better, even if they are not right now, and take every day and minute as you can.

I feel pretty strongly about not talking to STBXW. That may not be the most mature thing, but I find it impossible to have a "friend"ly discussion with the woman who so seemingly

This is my opinion, and others may slam me for it, but I don't care. You don't have to be 'friendly' to your stbxw. Why would you?

You however, CAN, be cordial and civil. That is different than being friendly.

I made this decision in my sitch: Why would I want to be friends with someone who destroyed my family, is currently crushing me financially, etc? Would I be friends with someone like that from outside my life? Sorry, but no.

Your stbxw has decided what she wants, and that is out. So be it, she can have that, but you don't have to agree with it, you just have to live with it, as it is her choice.

Now, focusing your thoughts in the above manner may help you return to what is important right now. Your kids and yourself. That's it. She owns herself, and her stuff now, not you. Don't spend you time trying to figure out what she wants, how she feels, why she is doing this, why she is cold, happy, sad, etc.

Right now, that is difficult to do when at home with her, I know..

What GAL stuff are you doing lately?

BTW, my opinion of you stbxFIL's behavior, is this is what happens when 'Nice Guys' don't work on repairing that bahavior. He was unhappy, as things were not 'his way' and rather than just owning it, he has to make everyone else aware of this.

I see this, and I hate to admit this, in my own father's behavior.

You know what though? Again, it's not our problem. If you waste time feeling bad, or being embarrassed from someone else behavior, it's akin to 'owning' that behavior yourself, and another 'nice guy' trait. You can't control it, only how you react to it, and what you will or will not accept in your personal life.

As far as I am concerned, if you had walked out during that, as a 'boundary' violation, that you won't be around people that behave that way toward you and your family, that would have been fine.

Kind of ranting here a bit myself, but hopefully you get some positives from my post...

Peace brother, and you will be fine and can handle this.

[givingitmyall]

Thanks IWITW. I DID get some good points from your post.

I am definitely civil and polite to STBXW as I would be to a work associate I don't necessarily like, but have to deal with. That does not mean I act like her friend, or want to open up to her - I DON'T. But, it also doesn't mean I act like a jacka$$ - such as my STBX FIL did last night (and has MANY, MANY times before).

Funny thing is it's the first time I said something to him, and in front of everyone. Not in an angry tone, but more in a calm, yet firm and direct manner that he was simply out of line. And he was. And, I said it b/c I don't care what he, or anyone else there (except my kids) think of me. I was simply using my relatively new spine I found after the bomb.

Funny thing is, no one in the "family" ever really stands up to STBX FIL. But my kids were there, and I did not want them to think his behavior was acceptable. I would have said something even if the kids weren't there to be honest.

I don't spend time wondering why my W made her decision, and I agree with you that is a waste of time and energy.

[Cadet]

Gima for what it is worth I think you are exactly on the right track w STBX. You have time later to have a R with her if necessary, for right this minute though I think NC is the best idea. If she doesn't like it she can pursue you! LOL

[givingitmyall]

OP,

The last part of your post made me chuckle.

Thanks for the confirmation. It does help. I think this is the best way to handle my sitch right now. If what she has done are the actions of a "friend," I sure as he!! Don't need any friends! People who don't like me are better to me than she has been.

[Gardener]

Isn't it weird how WAW's think that a LBH would want to continue to be buddies?

Like I've said before

Let's see...in my group of true friends - some lifelong - how many have abandoned me? Proven that their word, promise, commitment (let alone vow) was meaningless? Worthless? Accused me of vile things? Attempted to turn loved ones against me? Systematically broken dozens of agreements? Screwed me financially?
That would be ...none!
"Let's be friends"?
Give me a friggin' break!

[luvless]

AMEN!

[Gardener]

gima,

So, we finished up dinner eventually. STBX in-laws went from the restaurant to their hotel, and STBXW, kids and I drove home. Not a word b/w W and I on the drive. I did speak to kids.

STBXW went straight to bed, while I stayed up with the kids for about an hour to watch TV, and just cuddle with D6. I LOVE that...Yesterday, I processed a lot of anger, resentment towards W. I did not allow that to control me, and I am managing that well. But, I have NO desire to speak to STBXW about anything.

Well, someone had to be the adult in that restaurant/party of six scene. That job fell rightly to you and you handled it admirably.

I am strong, but this has been a tough week guys. I feel pretty strongly about not talking to STBXW. That may not be the most mature thing, but I find it impossible to have a "friend"ly discussion with the woman who so seemingly with ease and not a thought is so determined to tear apart our family. Little bit of a vent there, but that's how I'm feeling. And that's where the anger is coming from.

Who could blame you?