Yay!!!!!!!! Gosh, sounds...intense. I'm so glad he didnt cave as you feared..but wow he realy tried to stubbonly hang onto his position but the C didnt allow it, gently. Good luck tonight then and into tommorow morning, remember to let go of ego ! xxx
Breathe and step back from him. You know it, and your C knows it....he has serious issues that he has to fix for himself. If he is not willing to work on himself, he can't be expected to work on your M right? He really has some serious demons. I'm sorry.
I'm hoping you have a calm, quiet night tonight without too much disruption.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Thanks Gno and Al! H went to watch TV. He sat by the bed for while, asked a couple of questions about the kids and I was polite but distant.
When we came out of the MC, I told him this isnt working. He said its a pity to divorce because of lack of patience. I said, it is what it is. I said I wont like sitting tonight in bed, you come in, pretending nothing happened, but that is what you will do. That is what he did.
Anyway,the exercise was the following: close your eyes, imagine Maria's eyes, lips, face expression, every detail you can remember. Start a convo with her, take your time, tell her what comes to mind... Then, take off her face, as a mask, who's under it?
He didnt answer, started crying, tears coming down his cheeks. I was standing up, away. I went close to him, kissed him, hugged him. He was in agonizing pain. he couldnt talk. There was silence. She then started talking. I excused myself and left the room. She asked him while I was absent who he was really seeing thru me, what did he tell that person. I dont know the answer. I know she told me he is in pain. She said you are not acting out of selfishness, you resist more the ones you hold dear, you are in pain and fear. You have a choice, unless you deal with it, your M has no future. She said Maria has her issues, she is far from perfect, but she is a step ahead of you. She is not running from herself. You are.
I imagine it was his mom. I think he may have deeper issues than I thought. And he is choosing, once more to avoid them.
I m taking my time, need to. A lot more was discussed. A LOT more. A power struggle. Funny, it was all described in PM. We hit a critical mass. I am differentiating. Out of love for myself. He is resisting change. Two possible outcomes, he grows, we divorce. He is not willing to grow. He is scared.
He said he feels hurt cause I once said (NYear's eve) he is my biggest mistake. He sounded really hurt. As if his A and the year before are both erased. At various moments of the discussion he was talking "about the woman he is with every time". I was dying inside hearing how I am not the woman in his life. I used to be. His wife. I am now his "opponent", the source of pain, hurt, he is my wound. Things change...
Yes Al, he is stubborn. I think he is afraid of what he will discover. But, he is panicking. Me too. K
Hi mish!!! It's all pretty simple you know? Dodging it makes it harder not easier. I hate to leave him while he is down. He will probably find someone soon enough though...
Just reading along. Your MC kicks ass! Your H is a mess right now. Not sure if a leopard can change its spots to stripes. You sound great and are a quite the catch for a man. I am sure your H is aware of that, but something is tormenting him inside.
Other than that, how are the kids and yourself doing?
Your last few posts have been so very intense and insightful. When I read about what happened at your MC session it affected me deeply because I am living your pain. I can picture the same thing happening in my sitch - my H becoming defensive, resisting, a similar outcome. I've had similar talks with my H as you had a couple of nights ago and, like your H, he's taken little action to address my needs, has become defensive, dismissive, "feels controlled", and behaves as if nothing has happened. Be strong and don't forget to soothe yourself throughout all of this.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I'm sorry.