I am leaving in less than 2 hours for the MC. I feel I am getting stressed but I plan to calm myslef down during my break and on my way there.
I may not do the homework she asked us to. Until we are both on the same page, there is no reason to ask for "little positive gestures on a daily basis". And now that I think about it, it is a HUGE 180 for me, really HUGE to not do something FOR our R that will get the message across : I am not playing anymore, I mean business.
I will post my update later, while I will be with my D at her gymnastics. I dont know what to wish for... K
GOOD LUCK !!! Today IS the right day for this, also see realastrologers.com:
After the intensity of the past two eclipses, the Full Moon at 10°14′ Leo on January 29 will be much easier to live with (January 30 in the Eastern Hemisphere).
The chart for this lunation has three main conversations – one between the Moon conjunct Mars in Leo opposing the Sun conjunct Venus in Aquarius, Jupiter in Pisces sextile Pluto in Capricorn, and Saturn in Libra exactly squaring Pluto. Mercury in Capricorn, Neptune in Aquarius, and Uranus in Pisces form only minor aspects and are content to mutter quietly in the background.
I find it amusing the way Venus and Mars are aligned with the Sun and Moon. Ultimately, they balance each other out nicely. Traditionally, Venus and the Moon have more in common, as both are more receptive in nature, while Mars and the Sun are both more assertive and outgoing.
On one hand, pairing Venus with the Sun in cool, cerebral Aquarius tones down the exuberance of Sol, ruler of Leo, and gives Venus a decidedly independent streak. On the other, Mars in Leo is still retrograde, reducing his normal force and bluster to a whisper for now, making it much easier for him to find common ground with the Moon, whose normal fluidity is firmed up in fixed, fiery Leo.
What this gives us is better-than-normal opportunities to sit down with partners of all types and work out any issues creating problems. Our differences will be easier to define under the brilliant light of the Full Moon, and since the atmosphere is less divisive than usual, we stand a better chance of finding points of compromise.
Be warned, though, it is essential to be as honest and equitable as possible, because the second of three squares between Saturn in Libra and Pluto in Capricorn is exact on Sunday, January 31. I know I sound like a broken record on the subject, but right now unscrupulous behavior will bring us to grief in the end. Pluto does not take prisoners ever, and Saturn in Libra is backing him up on this. Consider what has and is happening to Capricorn Tiger Woods and his Capricorn wife, Elin, if you will.
xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
We had our MC session. And when he came in he was...buttoned up as we say. Closed up, in defense mode. She started talking about our childhood, I went with it and then when we were asked to describe which attitude of our parents do we see repeating he mentioned "he hates difficult, drama filled, emotions filled situations and he cant express himself" She asked for an example from me. I said today he was supposed to share with me his views and he is delaying, ignoring my request because he knows it wont be easy. She asked for details, I gave her the details.
She turned to me and said "you sound clear and very determined, that is good and your right". She asked him how he felt "he said he is not going to allow me to control him, he said I want a man I can make as I wish and he wont be that man.
A little background : D. Schnarch says that when one partner creates a crisis, by identifying himself and boundaries what happens most of the times is, the other partner, tries to turn it around, make it sound like control, resists and fights back. That's exactly what happened. He got upset, said I try to make him as I wish, stated he cant be that kind of a man etc etc
Being prepared for that, I stated again in front of the C I am only talking about what I need and because we are still married I want to be informed about where he stands. I don't dictate behavior, I don't request changes, I don't set ultimatums. I told him that being in the position I am, he would be a fool to think I would want to MAKE someone to want me, I will love someone that wants me, that's my decision. He insisted, angry, I wont get that from him and that I am trying to control him.
I had a 5 mins explosion (not angry or dramatic but VERY expressive). I said what I am asking are basics, basics that I was asking 4 years go, his GF/OW asked in 2 years, his first GF 15 years ago, asked also. It's an issue that has been pinpointed by 2 other Cs, something he agrees isn't positive for his life and that watching him standing there saying he wont change it, just wont do it, to me seems as a very tragic act of selfishness AND stupidity since it will cost him the woman he says he loves, his family and will cost our kids their family.
I told him that his avoidance of any kind of self examining with the intention to change is immature and a very short live break he grants himself. Only taking energy, love, tenderness, sex and not giving back to his Rs is something proven to be disastrous. As long as the woman in his life gives gives gives, is happy, sees him as God, has the strength to do the work for 2, the relationship works. When she asks back simple things, he runs and exchanges her for a newer model. He did that with me and he did that to me and again left the OW when she started asking for more. He couldn't handle it.
She turns to me and said "so, that obviously takes the pressure off you Maria, it wasn't you, it wasn't Christina, he is running when he feels inadequate'...
She said, we have both the right to choose what we want. She said "if you are both determined, then you will divorce, no judging, that is how it will play out".
Somehow she turned the discussion to him. She started by saying why do you think Maria wants to change you, what is it that she wants, that you are not? He said it crosses his mind that I am asking for things I know he cant give so that we divorce. She insisted what is that and he went on saying nothing particular, something like he cant express himself...
What happened next was an hour of IC. She pushed him very hard, calm and sweet talking. he told her 'enough, it's too much'. Her answer was 'why? What do you feel?' She wouldn't let him off. He did an exercise, imagining my face with closed eyes, talking to me and really thinking who he was talking to. He ended up crying. She said he was in pain. He needs to figure it out. Result: I held on to what I want. He is having second thoughts about his approach. And he just came in. Cant post much more... It doesn't look good. I am scared sh!tless, this is a critical time for me, I am confident this is what I should do. We'll see. K
