Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[goldeylox]

Well said.
I can't control what my STBX-Hus does. I can control how I respond. I choose to keep contact very brief, and to the point. It's all business now. Dissolving a partnership.
And if he gets angry, I hang up on him.
He's starting to figure out that I'm not kidding.
And that he can't hurt me anymore.
My last words to him, yesterday, "See you in court, babe".

[iwantittowork]

Perfect Goldey!

I like it!

We can keep our side of the house clean, and that's it.

STBX may shovel mud and sh*t against the siding, and block the door, and occasionally break a window, steal some mail, and take some of the paychecks home, but if I keep cleaning up because we like MY house clean, and fix the window because I don't want a broken window on MY house.

Those are things I can fix and react to for what I want. I could retaliate, but then it will just escalate into all out war. I trust that in the end, when I do for my d9 and me what is right, that all will work out, and I will be happy and healthy.

I know the metaphor's are different across postings and people, but it all comes down to the same answers for most everyone. The road to those answers are different, and sometimes take longer for some to reach, but the end point is the same.....

[antlers]

antlers,

Just got back from a 61 mile bicycle ride. Nothing like a fresh batch of endorphins to marinate my gray matter in!

While I am by no means sedentary (hiking, 10 mile walks, etc.), whenever I read things like this I say to myself, "Sixty-One MILES? You people are crazy!
Only kidding

It troubles me that she has become as vindictive as she has now that the divorce is in full swing. Using the kids as weapons is another thing that she swore that she'd never do!

That's tough. I've lost count of the things she's done that she swore she'd never do; as well as the things I'd have gone to my grave believing she would never do/was incapable of doing.

I know that everone is fighting their own battles, but this situation is a bastard coated bastard with bastard filling!

With bastard sauce and a bastard garnish!

Oh, well. At least for me it ends the day after tomorrow.

Endure.

Good luck to you today Gardener. Stay strong.

[antlers]

I know that everone is fighting their own battles, but this situation is a bastard coated bastard with bastard filling!

I am thinking I may like bastard filling these days. Call me crazy ..

Whatever the stbx serves up, Ant is going to eat with a smile, as he knows it won't kill him, it'll just make him stronger for it, and will be able to handle the next helping of even worse bastard pie.

I don't know about the "with a smile" part...but this is painful stuff. Maybe we need to learn to burn that pain as fuel for the journey that we're on.

[antlers]

It's all business now. Dissolving a partnership.

Feels like it's more than just that though.

[Bridgestone]

yep it is business & just like with business one can approach it with a variety of perspectives, which brings about their own unique feelings & thoughts.

One that is common in divorce is:

"I'm taking all I can and getting out attitude & screw who ever thinks I should take less than exactly what is owed to me emotionally and financially."

or

"I understand both sides have positions that have arisen from both emotional fears & needs. As one of the negotiators in the process of dissovling the partnership, I can either feed the need & starve the fear or starve the need & feed the fear. To negotiate compassionately & fairly, with honor & respect, I need to understand the "why" of the other side in order to be able to adjust what I feed & starve.

acting in accordance to my core values determines which of the above I choose. It is difficult not to reciprocate, when the other side chooses to feed our fears & starve our needs.

One thing I used that helped to keep things in perspective for me was: how will "this" (whatever the contentious point was) affect my life (& my kids lives) in the next 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 years?

It's only when it started affecting things in the 5 year mark did I start pushing back by trying to understand his "why" & insisting that he at least try to understand mine.

Otherwise a lot of things got pushed to the side in light of the big picture.

I can sleep at my night given my settlement.
I wish the same for you.

[goldeylox]

Well said, Bridge. You are a class act.

[antlers]

Thanks Bridge. I'm dealing with an angry and vindictive woman right now.

[Gardener]

If D is a business deal, mine broke down/melted down today and I cyber-stormed out. Eff 'em.

[antlers]

Sorry man. I'm not there yot. But the fight is definately on. One has to do (under these circumstances) what is best for their children and themselves.