Hey M.. yep, follow your intuition hey, thats what Pisceans do best If you feel you are on the 'right' path, thats good enough for me.
BTW, I had a little look at your husbands chart after the things you said about his father and the model of R he learnt from him (or his parents). I don’t know if I have the correct time/place of birth for him (11am, Athens?) but if I have, or near, then he has his Venus exactly conjunct Saturn. I could say a lot about this! Symbollically he has Saturn literally sat on his Venus... I find this quite interesting (wow, a literal textbook of someone being ‘blocked’ in expressing their love). Saturn represents the father in our chart too.
You know how we were discussing whether or not people can really change, or if they do? The good news is.. with Saturn, we ‘learn our lessons’ as we age and mature, that’s the whole point of the planet in fact.. it’s the planet of wisdom and maturity and well, hard lessons! Wherever Saturn is, is where we have our “cross to bare” – and his is attached to Venus meaning his life lesson, or challenge is connected to his lovelife/woman in his life/relating to woman in his life.
I feel more hopeful that he can learn from his mistakes and change.. but the other thing about Saturn is, its not a quick fix planet like Jupiter.. we’re talking SL-O-O-W and it also doesn’t come about easily or effortlessly, or through luck like it might with Venus. Rewards given to us through Saturn only ever come about through our own hard work and applying oneself to the task to achieve success...
A good example is, the Saturn Return at 28-30 is often a time when people leave behind their 20's and just 'working' to actually applying themselves to a career ladder, or get promoted. For woman its a time when they often marry/have kids and also, for both, a time when people can lose a parent (therefore literally making them mature by losing a generation above them and them no longer being the child). Saturn issues go in cycles of 7 years - akin to the "seven ages of man". xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Hi boys and girls, I am outside my D's gymnastics class and have my netbook with me-it is PINK btw!!!
I took the day off today, called in sick. Took the kids to school and returned home. H didnt ask why or anything, we had not talked about me going. It was a decision I made this morning. We went, he is fine or so it seems and then he dropped me off in a rainy morning at a cafe I asked him to, and...left. He could take the morning off, I didnt ask, he left. I walked 5 kms by the sea, in a very cloudy cold morning and enjoyed myself a lot. Then I bought my D boots and a pair of pants for me, HUGE sales here at the moment!
I felt like I was used today. He said thanks and that's all. But then, I decided that I did what I wanted, and that is fine by me. It goes without saying to support when someone you care about is worried, concerned, upset, stressed. He was scraed as he confessed. I almost told him "if you can have sex 3-4 times a day, then your heart is definitely OK". BUT, I didnt. I am a good girl.
I told him I want us to talk tonight. We have the apt tomorrow and I want to remind him I am expecting some feed back on the questions that were asked last Friday.
Both people need to recognise what needs to be changed and follow through. Ali, I dont know how much slower he can change if he changes. In 2000 we got married, in 2007 he moved out, in 2014? Who knows? I am not holding my breath... K
I can remember back to the days when I would think out actions and do things based on how it would affect STBXW. No more.
I agree above. Do things now because you CHOOSE to do them...you DESIRE to do them or PREFER to do them.
Of all the cliche things you see here, one is really true. H should be a desire or preference to be with...not a need.
I agree with the statement above that this hasn't been a marriage for quite some time. This is going on now for....how many years?
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
FIB, no matter what we all say when we first come here, the truth is, those of us who do get a chance to reconcile, face a very hard reality: when we wished for our WASs back, we wished for the ones we loved, for the people we shared an intimate, monogamous R with. And just as they -watch what you are wishing for- if/when they do come back, we get a newer version, one that has all the faults, the weaknesses, the fears, that have surfaced and brought to light. No make up anymore. It is all out there. No matter how hard we try or at least I am try, the facts are there staring at me.
He is not my beloved, wonderful husband in the sense he was before, he is a man that has hurt me deeply and I have to overcome all sorts of obstacles to let him in again. In one hand, I dont want to, because I am worried/scared he will abuse my heart again, on the other heart, now more of all times, I want that kind of relationship that is solid, strong and intimate, characteristics that cant be "achieved" unless I risk, put myself out there.
And it would be for me, the first time I would risk with him, because now I know, what he is capable of, I have seen him at his worst, I cant plead ignorance anymore and I have to remember him at his best.
His role is big, mine is much much bigger. Not fair but true. K
"He is not my beloved, wonderful husband in the sense he was before, he is a man that has hurt me deeply and I have to overcome all sorts of obstacles to let him in again."
You are about to learn more about your spouse than you ever thought possible. This is a walk of you.. and who you want to be.
The "obstacle" is you.. and your thoughts. The "why's". You can walk away.. no one is telling you that you can't. Just by walking this path you are "choosing" to stay. In "choosing" that path you are still giving.. or leading. I have always said.. someone has to lead. You can't lead half ass.. and you can't lead if your heart is not in it. You still have not made the choice to throw caution to the wind. How bad do you still want "this"?
"In one hand, I dont want to, because I am worried/scared he will abuse my heart again"
He will.. he is. You seem to still want it.
"I want that kind of relationship that is solid, strong and intimate, characteristics that cant be "achieved" unless I risk, put myself out there."
So.. what you are saying is that.. you know you need to step out of the comfort zone.. but you are scared of the risk?
To take from things that have happened "here".. what if he was "gone" this morning? What thoughts would you have then? What would you have changed? What would you regret?
"His role is big, mine is much much bigger. Not fair but true."
If you know you have to lead.. why don't you? Sometimes you have to yell and scream at people to make them follow. Sometimes you have to just do things and hope people get it. Sometimes you have to explain it/write it down for people to get it right. A leader always knows.. exactly which one of those things to do.
From what I know about you.. you can yell and scream. You can "Do Work". Your post count imply's that you can write it down. Now you just need to use the right "tool" at the right time. Sounds simple to me.
Make choices.. for you and "yours"
Listen to that Little Voice.
Any way you you look at this.. you win. The people that follow.. win to.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
That's the horoscope I found in my mail at work today. It's yesterday's horoscope. Guess what I did last? Exactly that! Will post in a few...
Your horoscope for January 27, 2010 Grab the bull by the horns and take charge of your life. Initiate action and feel free to instigate major change in an important area of your life. There are some large trends being activated today, alerting you to the fact that there is a great opportunity at your disposal. Take note of any sudden outcroppings of energy and of unexpected events. Chaos and confusion may be the initial result, but realize that change is a key ingredient for future growth. K
Ohh intriguing. I saw a medium last night (never done that before).. freaked me RIGHT OUT. She told me how things were going to pan out over years and I knew she was right, deep down. It was scary, honest stuff. It made me think of you. It made me think we know, we all already know the answers...but we have to go through all this anyway, right? Even if that takes years, or has taken years, or many years to come. OR.. we could change direction, take the harder road. Because we all get a choice right.
So anyway, I am intrigued.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
If you feel you are on the 'right' path, thats good enough for me.