It's not fence sitting if you are busy working on yourself. I think you are just trying to find a magic formula that will fix the R. You have been give the formula that works......but there isn't any magic in it and it doesn't happen in the blink of an eye.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Today is much better. I am still being distant and detached when she text or calls. She had a old friend down who does not agree with her last night. Friend told her that she was being foolish and they talked a while.
This morning at about 4:30 I checked W's facebook profile and saw that she removed ONS and OM as her friends on facebook.
At 9 this morning she text me good morning and wants to get together tomorrow.
I wonder if she is starting NC with OM as I laid out as a requirement for R.
I will find out tomorrow, but I am hopeful.
I have not let her know that I have seen her profile yet.
Me 33 WAW 32 S12 S4 S2 M12 T14 Not wanting to ever give up.
I am still being distant and detached when she text or calls.
No......you're not. In fact, you seem to know what she was doing and what was said to her by whom.....yada, yada. Let it go and stop looking at her, stop listening at her, and stop talking to her. Focus on yourself.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I noticed Saturday she no longer had OM as a FB friend (turns out that was S12 but did not know that at the time)
Sunday I went to house and spent time with W. She had not seen OM in over a week. We watched movies and I played with the boys from 12pm until 8pm. Had a good day. She asked me back to the room to finish watching movie. Stripped down and cuddled. I was rubbing her back a little and she was responding well. She went from nothing to ready to go in under 5 min. I gave in. We ML and she was very nice and loving during it.
I left after lovemaking session and went back "home".
At 11pm she called me and asked if I could come help with S2. He has bad ear infection. She had him asleep beside her so I climbed into bed.
I was tired because as my GAL I went out with friends Fri and Sat and stayed out until 4am each night. She had 3 old friends down and had bs session all weekend.
I fell asleep. S2 woke up and W started yelling at me about how I never help and I should know what she wants. I told her I was not a mind reader and if she wanted me to take S2 to the other room all she had to do was ask.
She said that I should just know what she wants and she should not have to tell me and called a few names. I responded that maybe white knight trailer trash retarded non-career having OM could help her and read her mind.
She screamed that this had nothing to do with him (badname) and then hit me in the face and clawed me.
I had had enough. I picked her up and put her down on her back on the bed with her arms held over her head and told her to never hit me again. She tried to bite me and kicked until she threw both of us on the floor. I held on. I told her that I respected myself too much to ever let her hit me again and that if she did I would dial 911.
She screamed at me about being worthless, both her and I, and asked me to kill myself 3 times. I said F U.
Went to other room and she was wanting to talk. I let her know that I was keeping a copy of every text message she ever sent me and that some of them she admits cheating and if we divorce I will be answering all questions anyone asks in full detail as I will not lie for her. She said that I would ruin her reputation and she hit me again.
I got up told her she messed up and went for the phone. She immediately started crying and screaming and told me she was so sorry trying to put herself in my arms. Me calling would lose her her job. Said I don't care.
I called 911. Wife tried to swallow a bunch of pills that I took away from her. Officer showed up and I sent him away with a story about a shed fire. I told W that this is her one and only pass as I need her insurance to pay for our MC and her IC.
We have MC today and she starts IC Feb 3rd.
I did find that W thinks of herself as below me and as worthless. She said several times over the last week that she did not know why any man let alone me would ever want her. She said she is dirty, used, ugly, stupid, bad mom, bad wife, etc.
I told her earlier on Sun that I like some of the things that she has become. She talks with friends more and laughs and jokes more with her friends. She will stand up for herself more and not let me disrespect her. I told her these traits I like and I respect that part of her more today and want to be a part of it.
I told her that the A is the biggest problem left and that it needs to end posthaste. She agreed that A is problem but said that she feels addicted to external validation.
After we had officer leave I told her that the broken shell of a woman that would think it is ok to hit me and say such hateful things is not attractive at all and no one would ever want that woman. I told her that I want the loving woman I saw earlier in the day.
She said she hates herself for becoming an abuser and having an A.
Anyone who has read this sitch, knows that she was beat her whole life by her father and other boyfriends before me. She was also sodomized by her dad's drug buddies on two occasions when she was 14 and raped by a classmate at 16. Never any C for any of this.
Her actions seem to be stuck at self pity, self despair, and self anger through the eyes of that hurt teenager.
I will speak to MC for a few min alone today and ask if we should put MC on hold for a bit until she has had a little time in IC.
Again W is excited to start IC an knows she has anger issues and does not want them to come to light with boys. She has already acted badly at times with S12 and I have intervened.
I still have hope but she needs to have some personal work done before we can continue towards R.
Me 33 WAW 32 S12 S4 S2 M12 T14 Not wanting to ever give up.
And I know that I should not have went to bed with her, but I love her so much that when she is acting loving towards me, I cannot resist her. I am weak in that regard I know. My main love language is touch and I still crave touch from her in anyway that I can get it. I am not using her for sex but she may be using me.
To me ML to her is the ultimate completion of intimacy and I go out of my way to ensure she is pleased. It pleases me to please her. I like feeling her heartbeat and breathing her breath.
No other woman has had this effect on me. I have never been capable of having just sex with my W.
She knows this and sometimes is a loving and good partner and at others is mechanical.
I need her in IC to work through her issues before we can go forward.
Me 33 WAW 32 S12 S4 S2 M12 T14 Not wanting to ever give up.
And I know that I should not have went to bed with her, but I love her so much that when she is acting loving towards me, I cannot resist her. I am weak in that regard I know. My main love language is touch and I still crave touch from her in anyway that I can get it. I am not using her for sex but she may be using me.
Gee, ya THINK?? Congratulations -- you've been "tagged."
Until you learn to STOP doing what you KNOW is the wrong thing to do, you will get nowhere. DBing isn't complicated, but it DOES take an incredible amount of self-discipline.
