Just got back from a 61 mile bicycle ride. Nothing like a fresh batch of endorphins to marinate my gray matter in!
It troubles me that she has become as vindictive as she has now that the divorce is in full swing. Using the kids as weapons is another thing that she swore that she'd never do!
I know that everone is fighting their own battles, but this situation is a bastard coated bastard with bastard filling!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Antlers, Did you try mediation, and it broke down. Tell me more, i am in full swing right now of mediation. You said to avoid it like the plaque, could you provide some of your personal insight?
It wasn't me. We haven't had any mediation, and I don't know if we will or not at this point. I'm in full swing right now of divorce. I didn't make the statement you're referring to.
I hope you're doin' good and stayin' strong.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
oops, that was Gardener that made the statement. You stay strong too, it is so hard I know. Just when you think you are doing better, you get an emotional whack that hits you in the gut.
Just got back from a 61 mile bicycle ride. Nothing like a fresh batch of endorphins to marinate my gray matter in!
While I am by no means sedentary (hiking, 10 mile walks, etc.), whenever I read things like this I say to myself, "Sixty-One MILES? You people are crazy! Only kidding
Originally Posted By: antlers
It troubles me that she has become as vindictive as she has now that the divorce is in full swing. Using the kids as weapons is another thing that she swore that she'd never do!
That's tough. I've lost count of the things she's done that she swore she'd never do; as well as the things I'd have gone to my grave believing she would never do/was incapable of doing.
Originally Posted By: antlers
I know that everone is fighting their own battles, but this situation is a bastard coated bastard with bastard filling!
With bastard sauce and a bastard garnish!
Oh, well. At least for me it ends the day after tomorrow.
Endure.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Gladly. But, of course, my experience with my spouse and one particular mediator: no sweeping judgements, here.
I had been warned by someone who went through mediation:
1) Mediators sometimes seem to side with/favor the spouse who originally contacted and contracted with them. I think this was true -at times- in my case: Wife and mediator conducted a flurry of emails and phone calls. I needed to email mediator only once - and received a reply eight days later.
2) Mediators seem to side with the same-gender party. Ditto, here, too.
Admittedly, 1) and 2) may be a case of my seeing what I was looking for, but I don't think so.
3) In mediation (as I just told Bridgestone), you and spouse are in the same room, face-to-face, side-by-side and the same old dynamics and emotions that got you to this point in the first place hang over the proceedings and interject themselves quite often - it can get snippy and petty on the part of the more bitter spouse.
For that reason (#3) and because I was/am a Mr. Nice Guy and wound up compromising way too much, I put a stop to the whole thing in December. Told them both that everything thus far was null and void and we re-start the whole process anew. I also told mediator that she'll really have to mediate from this point onward since she will have to relay everything back and forth between spouse and I because I will no longer negotiate in my wife's presence. And I do believe the Mediator seemed fairer and more impartial from that point on.
4)The mediator "mediated" far less than I would have expected. In other words, she often just sat there or said , "what do you guys think?" whenever we hit an impasse. I would then turn to her and say, "Your thoughts? Opinion? Mediate, please!"
That being said, I do think that overall, Mediation was smoother, quicker, cheaper and less "war-like" than traditional lawyer vs. lawyer divorce.
And D is - finally - the day after tomorrow.
Hope that helps, Dane.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I know that everone is fighting their own battles, but this situation is a bastard coated bastard with bastard filling!
I am thinking I may like bastard filling these days. Call me crazy ..
Whatever the stbx serves up, Ant is going to eat with a smile, as he knows it won't kill him, it'll just make him stronger for it, and will be able to handle the next helping of even worse bastard pie.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
