Dusk at Dawn.

[newmama]

Cutter, whoa..WTF? She totally didn't do anything according to your plan! But good for you for keeping your cool and looking directly at her!

I think avoiding eye contact could have shown 1 or more of the following:
1)doesn't want you to see how she really feels (avoiding eyes is a form of lying)

2)doesn't want to cry

3)feels guilt and/or shame about what she's done to your marriage

4)feels regret/ uncertainty/doubt about what she is doing

Now I know you aren't into mind reading, but how about body language reading?

OK her comments about you being petty and taking too long to reply to her...my immediate response when reading that was "she was hurt!" meaning it hurt her feelings that you ignored her.
Hurt=cares about you still.

( Each time she said inconsiderate she would mention that it pales in comparison or something else )

Please explain what you meant here...did she literraly say "it pales in comparison" to what she did???

Now about this proposed email:

"Are you sure you want to continue down this path that you have chosen. Because there is another option available. I am will to look towards reconsilation. Even though I know it will be a long and difficult journey to undertake.... But with both of us working towards this it can be done."

I say clean it up a bit...the tone sounds a little too "high and mighty." You want to come across as desirable, not weak and needy but not arrogant and martyr like either. Maybe something like:

"Ladybug, when we last talked, you said that you thought I was being petty when I didn't communicate with you.Please understand that I was avoiding you not to be hurtful but to build a life for myself and was coming to terms with the fact that you want to legally separate. I am still undecided about whether to separate and would be open to talking about reconciliation.I can meet Friday at 5 at (a place you both used to go to???). Take care, Cutter"

It's a rough draft ....

[newmama]

p.s. get the opinion of those who have pieced their marriages back together!!!

[Gnosis]

Just to clarify...

Now about this proposed email:

"Are you sure you want to continue down this path that you have chosen. Because there is another option available. I am will to look towards reconsilation. Even though I know it will be a long and difficult journey to undertake.... But with both of us working towards this it can be done."

NM, that is NOT to be sent via email. This message is TOO important to be delegated to the written word. It is meant to be communicated face-to-face when they are sitting there about to sign the separation papers.

So far Ladybug is under the impression that Cutter has moved on with his life and wants nothing to do with her at all. These are what his actions have led her to believe. Those words will be communicated with Cutter's own tone of voice, body language and style. It is meant to be a final olive branch to her that there is another option available if she chooses it.

And um.. those words are mine, maybe I don't Gno what I'm doing... LOL... I'm more aggressive than Cutter is. But its a good place to start. And this is something that Cutter still needs to decide on and if he wants to do it.

[P17]

So far Ladybug is under the impression that Cutter has moved on with his life and wants nothing to do with her at all.

Gnosis / Cutter,

As you guys know I'm also in NC and therefore my sitch is slightly similar to Cutters. I am very interested to know WHY you think Ladybug is under that impression - did she say or show so or is this guesswork?

I want to apply the info to my own sitch, hence my asking.

Cutter, I've said to you in the past and recently - give her an out. Let her know that she has a choice. The worst that can happen is that you stay in the same square you are in just now.

I am also VERY curious to know why she yet again didn't take her wedding dress?

Gnosis, it's good to see you over here. I wish more of the vets would come by every now and then and post on our threads. It's pretty lonely over here sometimes!

[Gnosis]

[quote=Gnosis]As you guys know I'm also in NC and therefore my sitch is slightly similar to Cutters.

No P17, your sitch is a heck of a lot more difficult than Cutters. Bare in mind that LadyBug has not seen or heard from Cutter in an extremely long time. All the information she has received about him is 3rd hand and is what C chooses to share to her "informants" therefore it is unverified -- and has communicated that he has moved on.

In your sitch you're practically living across the street and you're in a small town where gossip is rife. Your WAW has her confidential informants who can communicate more accurate information on your true status.

I am very interested to know WHY you think Ladybug is under that impression - did she say or show so or is this guesswork?

It is based on guesswork and her actions today as well as when Cutter and I spoke on the phone today.

Gnosis, it's good to see you over here. I wish more of the vets would come by every now and then and post on our threads. It's pretty lonely over here sometimes!

P17, I don't consider myself a vet in any way, means or form... I'm simply another guy with an opinion and who has a bit of an insight in girl-fu... who is also a pig-headed, stubborn, male-chauvinist SOB. Oops... did I say that?

[chatterbug]

P I think the solituede of this section is better for us. For it allows us to actually formulate our own plans. When we do post for advice or offer advice it is not lost in the noise of so many opinions of those who have not taken the time out to learn about us.

This is a blessing. For we get to make our own choices. Within our time frame. As we know now that the seconds and minutes are really weeks and months.

And everyonce in a while. We get a fellow db'er dropping in to shake things up for us. They offer an opinion or a different point of view.

And we are strong enough to stand on our feet. Read the opinion. And make our own decision based on our thoughts , experiences and suggestions.

And as Gucci said to me back in the day

As you get stronger. (and you are doing GREAT) you need to get to the point where you don't have to ask us what you should do, but you just do it because you know you are secure.


I am at this place. But I offer that I still listen to suggestions. And opinions from those who have walked this path. For failure to utilize this experience would be short sited on my behalf.

Anyways I am off to hockey now. So I am going to enjoy what remains of an interesting sunday.

Take Care.

Cutter.

[Lotus]

I'm simply another guy with an opinion and who has a bit of an insight in girl-fu... who is also a pig-headed, stubborn, male-chauvinist SOB. Oops... did I say that?

I'm glad you said it. I've been thinking about pointing it out. Thanks!

[avermont]

Cutterbug, I was so glad to hear from you.

You handled it just beautifully. You haven't seen each other since September, and you kept your cool.

I'll try to wrap my brain around where you have gotten:
LB has no control over you. YOU have control over you.

I know the paper signing meeting will be tough. But you are operating from such a great place. Not fear, but what is good for you, and your heart.

I hope you scored a lot of goals on the ice!

[Gnosis]

I'm simply another guy with an opinion and who has a bit of an insight in girl-fu... who is also a pig-headed, stubborn, male-chauvinist SOB. Oops... did I say that?

I'm glad you said it. I've been thinking about pointing it out. Thanks!

You're welcome. I prefer to keep my personal opinions about other posters to myself.

[newmama]

OH, I did not realize Cutter was going to be saying that in person! And did not realize that one of his mentors advised him- sorry Gnosis, I respectfully withdraw my criticism.

Cutter score a goal in hockey! Then check back with us.