Sorry I haven't been around much this week. It's been busy.
This am, I sent W an email to let her know what I decided to do as far as buying a new car is concerned (old one wrecked). Before you guys tell me I shouldn't have told her, there IS a reason that has to do with the D case that I'm not going into here. I will take a short flight out of town (b/c it's cheaper than renting a car one way), pick up the car, then drive back.
The new car has more room (b/c I need something larger than old car to take the kids around in once the D is final). It is two years newer and much lower miles than old one. Net effect is my car payment will go up $40 a month, and will STILL be below my W's.
So, tonight, I receive an email from W telling me what she "advises" me to do on the car situation, how she would "feel more comfortable" if my monthly payment were closer to my old one (did I say my payment ONLY increased by $40?!) and that she would "just hate it" if I flew to pick up the car and didn't like it. She says this is based on our "current financial situation." (Well, let's see, I am the only one working and YOU decided to file for D, an action not known to INCREASE a person's wealth).
After reading it, I honestly didn't know what to say. Did the email come from her L (certainly possible)? I thought SHE left ME. Yet, somehow she thinks she should still have the right to tell me what to do?!!
I am not buying a house or an expensive car. I got a great deal on a car that I actually like. So how in the world does she think she has a right to tell me what to do about buying a car that is lower priced than my last one, is a better value, and the payment is only $40/month more and LESS THAN HERS?!
Is there any need to document what is technically making this a good deal for you (for legal reasons i.e., she can't accuse you of wilfully squandering financial resources etc)?
Otherwise, maybe just let it be. Although the urge to respond is almost unbearable I would guess.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
Actually, I'm ok with not responding. My W has "control" issues, as in if she isn't in control, she has issues.
I know what I researched in the way of vehicles, I know I got a great interest rate, and that I got a great deal on the car. We are talking about a used $14,000 SUV, not a $50,000 luxury. Had to go to a SUV b/c...why was that again? Oh yeah, SHE wants a D, so I won't have access to a "family" car (her's) for trips with the kids.
I have to have a car to be able to get to work, at a minimum. I didn't asked to get rear ended four days before she filed for D. And I didn't ask to have my car totalled. I have to replace the vehicle, and I am doing my best to stay as close to my old payment, without driving something I would be concerned about taking clients around in.
GIMA, unbelievable for sure. She doesn't work and had the nerve to bring up her comfort level at your spending? She is filing for D which is costly in itself and will decrease both of your income levels, and yet has the nerve to balk at $4o? She needs to understand your financial choices are YOURS ALONE now. I would not say anything, just stay dark about it. But another part of me wants you to firmly tell he to back way off and she has no right to comment ever again on your personal life, including finances. She gave up that right when she filed for D.
I still feel my "nice guy" tendencies when she tries to make me feel guilty. My mother did it when I was growing up, and I HATED it.
Had a great night with my S. His school had a night at our local pro basketball team's game. We went, and were in the nosebleed section. No problem, I was with my S, and that's all that mattered.
About 15 minutes later, a guy from the team's office approaches me and asked if I was with my S. I said yes. He said, well, I have some tickets for you and your S down on the floor, and I always like to find a father-son to give them to. We went down on the floor and the seats were incredible. My S was so excited.
And I was thinking that obviously someone was looking out for us tonight. We had a great time. Something I won't soon forget.
I pick up my car tomorrow. On the way out tonight to the game, I told my W I would be flying to the other town to pick it up and then would drive back home. The look on her face was something between absolute confusion and barely controlled rage. Sorry hon, but you quit the game, so you can't tell anyone still in it how to play.
Wow! That is a great story about the basketball game.
Thanks C-Bart. I sent the guy (kid really) who gave us the tickets an email thanking him and telling him why it meant so much to me. I just wanted him to know what an impression it made on me. What great timing.
