Dusk at Dawn.

[chatterbug]

ah shucks ladies I am blushing from all the happy thoughts.

Had a great conversation with DbD last night about inukshuks.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inukshuk

http://www.inukshukgallery.com/inukshuk.html

Perhaps we should all build one. A group GAL. Plus if you have some young ones they could join in as well.

[newmama]

Tonight is ladies night at Cutter's place! Woo hoo- have fun and share lots of details!!!!

[chatterbug]

Opps... Was out looking at houses and ended up eating out at a Thai place. So no movie night.

[chatterbug]

Tonights song.

Which I just realized is about adultry. Yea I knew the story... But now I know the story... Damn. I love this song... Now I see it differently. Still love it though.

I cannot remember who I was talking too. But I see it everywhere now.... Damn curse...

The reference is to Tristan and Isolde. One of the oldest affair stories on record.
Wraith Pinned To The Mist & Other Games-Of Montreal
Wraith Pinned To The Mist & Other Games-Of Montreal
Let's have bizarre celebrations
Let's forget who forget what forget where
We'll have bizarre celebrations
I'll play the satyr in Cyprus
You the bride being stripped bare

Let's pretend we don't exist
Let's pretend we're in Antarctica
Let's pretend we don't exist
Let's pretend we're in Antarctica

Let's have bizarre celebrations
Let's forget when forget what forget how
We'll have bizarre celebrations
We''l play Tristan and Isolde
But make sure I see white sails, sails

Let's pretend we don't exist
Let's pretend we're in Antarctica
Let's pretend we don't exist
Let's pretend we're in Antarctica

Maybe I'll never die
I'll just keep growing younger with you
And you'll grow younger too
Now it seems too lovely to be true
But I know the best things always do

Let's pretend we don't exist
Let's pretend we're in Antarctica
Let's pretend we don't exist
Let's pretend we're in Antarctica
Let's pretend we don't exist
Let's pretend we're in Antarctica
Let's pretend we don't exist
Let's pretend we're in Antarctica
Let's pretend we don't exist
Let's pretend we're in Antarctica
Let's pretend we don't exist
Let's pretend we're in Antarctica
Let's pretend we don't exist
Let's pretend we're in Antarctica
Let's pretend we don't exist
Let's pretend we're in Antarctica

[newmama]

I don't understand--I thought your plans with the 2 ladies was for tonight?

[chatterbug]

Taking a break. Have good weekends everyone.

[newmama]

Cutter, I will be sending you strength for Sunday. (((hugs to you)))

[avermont]

Cutterbug--I will be thinking of you on Sunday!

You will look, feel, and be fantastic.

You will have fun.


You will come back and post how well you handled the sitch.

Hugs hugs

[chatterbug]

well that did not go according to plan what so ever.

Phone call on Thursday night about coming over on sunday at 9am.
I emailed back on Saturday morning that she should come over at 11am

Went out for my run and when i got back at 11am. She was here with her dad, mom , brother and brother inlaw. All her furnature and some stuff packed up. ( except for the wedding dress , xmas decorations and stuff in the garage ) I looked at her and said nothing then walked past BIL's and said hi.

So I went into the house. And made some coffee and had a nice glass of water.

She came in and then I said hello.

Seeing her for the first time in months. I could not believe that I was married to her. She would not look me in the eyes. Kept looking around.

Conversation was about if she took something that she should not have to let me know. Where was I. Why did I not call and let her know I was not into 11.
I was calm and cool and stated I replied back in email. 11am.
She asked for tax stuff and then went at me about how I am doing petty things today , like leaving the car parked in the middle of the drive way, not being there, taking too long to reply to her when I freely tell everyone else what I am doing. I told her I was not being petty and that I am not going to argue. That I replied back in a timely manor in email. I asked if we were going to sign the papers today which she replied that she has no time now to do and that she waited 30 minutes for me. I looked her in the face the whole time. She just would not look at me. Maybe once in awhile for a second. But she would look down or just away. I just stayed calm. So I asked when could we sign them. And she said. You tell me. Let me know when your free. So I said how about one day this week , Busy. Ok how about one day on the weekend or next week. To which she replied how about a neutral place. Friday. So I said I would have to check my schedule for Friday night. Then she went at me again about being inconsiderate. ( Each time she said inconsiderate she would mention that it pales in comparison or something else )
No swagger there anymore in ladybug. I think we are at two different levels now. She left as the cake eating queen and I a broken man. Now I am no longer not so broken. And she is... well I cannot put my finger on it. Gnu my friend feels it is shame. I an not 100% sure I agree with him but perhaps. I may never know. I am at peace with that.

So I said I would get intouch one day this week with a time.

And I plesently said Take Care Ladybug.

And she just left.

And I watched her text away in the car for 5 minutes and then she was gone.

All that build up this week for that.

Wippy doo da...

I cannot believe that she was the woman of my life for all those years.

Mind you I did that a few times to look into those beautiful eyes of hers when I had the chance. Just looked and smiled. And thought yep. They are as beautiful as I remember.

I did not get my goals done today. No signing of the papers, No dress gone.

I am disappointed in my self. That way. But very proud of myself that I can stand in the same room as her and just be myself. No fear. No anger. In control. Not being controlled. Ladybug no longer has any power over me.

Is there still love there. Yes.
Have I remained faithful. Yes.

Next steps.

Find out a day when we can meet up and get these papers signed. Perhaps Friday night.
Then I am going to think about my conversation with Gnu about the following paragraph.

"Are you sure you want to continue down this path that you have chosen. Because there is another option available. I am will to look towards reconsilation. Even though I know it will be a long and difficult journey to undertake.... But with both of us working towards this it can be done."

As we also said. It is very different doing this out of logical thinking and not out of fear and I need you. Doing this out of a decision to work on it.

So I will look at my goals this week and work towards them.

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts.

[P17]

Cutter, I'm sorry. Don't know what else to say.

I'm glad you handled it well though. I knew you would.

"Are you sure you want to continue down this path that you have chosen. Because there is another option available. I am will to look towards reconsilation. Even though I know it will be a long and difficult journey to undertake.... But with both of us working towards this it can be done."

What have you got to lose?