"Just sick of waiting around for her games to end."
You know you keep answering your own problems but you're not listening.
Stop waiting. Get off your @$$ and do something positive. And not positive for one hour, 2 hours, one day, one week. Do something positive that is long lasting.
I can't believe I'm actually saying this again, but you've been putting band aids all over you (your GAL) for a temporary fix (you don't think they're temporary, but you always end up in the same spot you are now. Angry and bitter). Do something that will be long lasting and can stay with you for the good times and bad.
Your W is extremely positive about life and she gets what she gives. If you keep returning back to your pissed off, bitter mood, that's the kind of stuff you're going to get back.
Again...be your W and GAL. Be the one who can do the bragging for a change.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I sense you are getting tired of the situation with your W not considering you as part of her future.
I want to pass on something I did that other posters strongly disagreed with when I was in newcomers. However, my wife told me that it was huge and very sentimental for her. She said that she looked at it often (maybe she still does) and I believe that it was a big influence over time as to her asking for a second chance. There were other factors that possibly contributed to her wanting to try again. For her it was missing family time together, missing me, pressure from the kids and wanting to save face in front of her friends and family. Actions that I did that contributed were standing up for my dignity, gaining emotional strength, happiness through GAL, continuing to be a good father who did many activities with the kids, filing for the D, getting a girlfriend, dropping the rope/not caring about our marriage anymore.
The non-DB thing I did was to spend a good amount of time with Digital Image Pro to create a beautiful photo collage album of pictures of the two of us together. There were some pictures also of us as a family mixed in. Every picture was a cherished memory of our marriage together. And in the middle of each page, I put in a line from a song. The first song was "Love" by John Lennon and the second song was "Just the Way You Are" by Billy Joel. I also created a music CD for her that contained "our songs" that we enjoyed together during our marriage.
I remember that I was told to not give it to her by posters on here as it was just another form of pressure and guilt. I showed it to my boss and it brought him to tears and he told me to give it to her. I never printed one for myself, but I still have it on my computer. Currently, I dont want to look at it as I dont desire to dredge up the past. Maybe 5 or more years from now I may reminisce about our marriage, but now is not the time.
I dont know if it is worth you trying something like this as I had done it early on in my situation. If you do, and your W does not have a change of heart later on, you still could consider it a gift that your W could look back on occasionally as she moves forward in life.
You really dont have much else to lose considering that you suck at detaching and applying the basic divorce busting principles.
"Just sick of waiting around for her games to end."
You know you keep answering your own problems but you're not listening.
Stop waiting. Get off your @$$ and do something positive. And not positive for one hour, 2 hours, one day, one week. Do something positive that is long lasting.
I can't believe I'm actually saying this again, but you've been putting band aids all over you (your GAL) for a temporary fix (you don't think they're temporary, but you always end up in the same spot you are now. Angry and bitter). Do something that will be long lasting and can stay with you for the good times and bad.
I cannot believe K4 said "I'm so tired of waiting" AGAIN, and yet sees nothing self inflicted in that comment. It's almost ALL self inflicted. And it comes right after pondering what was going through her mind and if she was thinking of you....NO, k4, as I said, she's NOT. She wants out. And you keep waiting and waiting and not changing, and not changing, but waiting and waiting and praying, but not changing ---just "waiting"...
Your W is extremely positive about life and she gets what she gives. If you keep returning back to your pissed off, bitter mood, that's the kind of stuff you're going to get back.
Again...be your W and GAL. Be the one who can do the bragging for a change.
GAL...stop needing. Change. Change. Change. Change YOU. Change your life. Stop waiting. IT's not working. It has been over a year. K4, do you Like your life now? Then keep at it. Keep WAITING....oh what's that? You Don't like it? Then CHANGE IT. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Kevin I really hope that sometime soon you will see that your W is showing nothing but her backside to you. The niceness you see is her just trying to be civil. Please don't do what I have done for a few years now and wait and hope! I would be so much farther along by now if I just stood up, dusted off, and moved on. I just don't want to you look back and see you have wasted some good years of your life on this.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Stuck, the only life I can get right now is trying to get another job.
KerryK, that is a good idea. W has all of our pictures, so I would need to ask to borrow them and figure out this digital pro thing. But I like that idea.
25, no. I have not been thrilled with life and the whole waiting process.
Drew, apparently she doesn't have any issues with splitting accounts.
SO2, the only thing I am wasting is my happiness right now which I need to turn around and be happy regardless of circumstances.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
This morning I went to D8's awards assembly. She made the all A and B honoroll. I am proud of her. I am proud of both of my girls.
So I was there waiting for it to begin and W showed up and sat next to me. We talked briefly about job prospects, etc. D8 and her class came in and D8 saw us and smiled. Not many parents were there. I guess a lot of them had to work.
After the ceremony was over I went over and spoke to D8's teacher. Apparently D8 has not been totally attentive in math class so I just wanted further clarification. The funny this is, her math grade came up 5 points and she moved into an A from a B. So I am thinking, well, it seems to be working with her not being completely attentive. lol. I didn't say this to the teacher though. So we talked briefly and I will address it with D8.
As me and W are walking out together she tells me she wants to reward the kids tomorrow by taking them to see the tooth fairy movie. I said I was thinking the same things. W said she wanted to know if I wanted to be part of that. I said yes and I was going to ask her the same thing.
So we will do that for the girls tomorrow.
Last night I was feeling like I just didn't know what to do next or what direction to go or what is going to happen job wise or M wise or anything. I started praying about it and then at the end of praying a voice/thought came into my head that said "Trust in the Lord". It was immediately at the end and I actually heard it in my head. I know God was talking to me. So I wrote it down on a sticky and put it on my monitor to remind me about that.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Kevin, I'm just as bad off as you are. I'm standing but getting no where. I wish there was a button we could push to turn the sadness to happiness. Are you still standing? If you get a chance can you hop over to my thread?
I am still standing Goodfight. I am still wearing my ring. This morning while me and W were sitting together I wondered if she notices that I still wear my ring. Then I wondered if she does, what does she think about it. I have no idea. Was just thoughts that popped into my head.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
