Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[Sugar and Spice]

Newmama,

I've never posted to you before but I've lurked and FWIW I think you totally did the right thing going to meet his Stepdad and you are doing a WONDERFUL job at DBing and 180's. Keep up the good work.

S&S

[newmama]

Just wanted to post that nothing bad happened or anything...just have been busy with social activities and my 6 month old trying to get him to nap by himself! He is going through a separation phase or something. So my stolen moments to post have been few.

Minor updates--signed up for both classes; belly dancing starts tomorrow night. (BTW these are cheap classes done through my parks and rec department)

I haven't had any indications of anything changing with WH lately. He was over here yesterday and I was able to be gone all but an hour doing stuff. Saw Sherlock Holmes--it was fun and I just love RObert Downey Jr. despite all of his problems! Jude Law did a good job playing Dr. Watson.

Only cooking dinner once this week- tonight it's baked chicken nuggets(tossed in seasoned panko crumbs) and mashed potatoes with bacon and green onions.

My friend came over last night for dinner and we had a great time, then today is signing class and tomorrow is baby group. Friday my mom is coming to visit. So have plenty to do.
I have played with my wii but not much time so on Sat when WH has S all day I will do some more then.

I guess WH is still finding acts of service...he vacuumed yesterday and changes light bulbs, there isn't much else to do besides taking out the trash! So I think it's good I am trying to do most of it.

[newmama]

Oh and thanks Sugar and Spice for your encouragement! Believe me I get depressed every now and then but am just trying to be consistent with my plan to not be as present. It did take a couple of months after I started my other changes before he commented on them so it might take another couple of months for hm to notice I'm not around as much.
and in the meantime am still losing weight and looking better and better so by the time he notices that he misses me he might be noticing that I am also looking like my old sexy self!

[newmama]

Ok tonight's dinner was a success! Very yummy and low(er) calorie!

WH asked how our signing class went so I shared a little about it and the very natural organic teacher (nothing wrong with being organic--just describing). When I shared those details he said "Oh, kind of like the nurse from our labor class?" Had to bring up a connection from the past.

I stayed away and busy with working out and cooking, cleaning while he tended to S. At one point I ate dinner by myself while he put S to sleep, then he ate dinner while I was cleaning up. Hmmm...may need to repeat this schedule in the future!

But then he put S to sleep by 7:45, was done with dinner a little after 8 and then hung around until 8:30 to make sure S stayed asleep. He told me next Tuesday he would be working late but wanted to make sure I didn't have plans. He won't be coming over that night (so what if I did have plans--then he wouldn't be working late? WTH?). But this works out well because
Monday-no dinner; I will be in class
Tuesday-no dinner- he won't be coming over
Wed-no dinner- he stays during the day
Thurs-no dinner- I go out
It also means other than his day off on Wed, I won't be seeing much of him! And I plan to go see a movie again on Wednesday!

In fact, I had to remind him that he was taking S overnight next Friday because he said he would trade Tuesday with Friday...I would have thought he'd remember since it is a big deal.

Let's see....he said the mashed potatoes were really creamy and good, and the chicken was crispy and good.

I am wondering what he will be doing or saying about our tax return. He has been fair with money all of this time; we are filing jointly this year as planned ahead, but I do have a tax credit from my student loans. I don't want to bring up taxes because I think it could lead to talk about the future in some way. (A discussion of future and/or the relationship is a DB no-no) So I am willing to give up 50 bucks or whatever the credit will amount to. I am curious though to see if he will use all of the tax return for himself. I know I just got through saying he has been fair, but the man has a lot of expenses with his other lifestyle and he abhors debt!

When dinner was over for both of us, he joined me in the kitchen to help clean up--it was strange because we did the tandem clean up like we always did in the past (one loads dishwasher, other puts away food and cleans off counter).

Oh and NEVER watch 2.5 Men with your WS! Until you can get to the point of laughing about adultery...so maybe never....I swear it is in EVERY SINGLE EPISODE!

[newmama]

I forgot to say that previously in the week he said "in a couple of months we should be looking at daycares closer to the freeway." :-(

The one we both like is close to our house.

I just had said "Yeah." and then felt like crying but held back and left the house to go sign up for my classes!

As of that day, obviously he didn't have future plans to get back with me. BUT I will not be discouraged; a lot can happen between now and then.

Oh and I found some other threads on here from 2008 where couples who separated actually reconciled after 1-2 years! So it is possible.

[newmama]

for some reason I was thinking of the recommendation by sgotox about reading The Art of Seduction. So I looked it up on amazon to read reviews and was shocked to hear that it is very powerful and psychological manipulation. Well of course I was intrigued so I peeked inside the book (you know how they allow you to see some pages) and I am mesmerized! Whoa it has different types of approaches for seduction (I think only one is sexual) and different profiles for "the victims" of the seduction.

Now I must say that reading the different descriptions for seductive strategies actually brought to mind OW and man, was/is she a master manipulator!

So I think tonight, I will pick up a copy of the book, treat myself to a glass of wine at a local pub and read it! Well after my belly dancing class of course! Am so excited to go!!!

If you are curious about the book, check out the reviews on Amazon but watch out- it might offend you or trigger you.

[newmama]

oh and I will make sure it still aligns with me being distant and mysterious!

[Day by Day]

I forgot to say that previously in the week he said "in a couple of months we should be looking at daycares closer to the freeway." :-(

The one we both like is close to our house.

I just had said "Yeah." and then felt like crying but held back and left the house to go sign up for my classes!

Could be he's testing you.

[ravenly1974]

DBD, that is EXACTLY what I was thinking but didn't want to say aloud! I was curious how he looked/what he looked at while he said it for more clues but I know that is too over-analyzing! I am a perpetual fountain of hope on this particular sitch, however.

You are doing great, Newmama! Thanks for the book recommendation, I will check that out!

[mindfull]

Newmama - I'll meet you at the pub, and we can read that together!