Sorry you are having a bad day. Join the club. I agree with one of the posters above about the IC. It does help. Also get some AD's. Don't be like your W and blame someone else. Look in the mirror and say I am stressed! I need some AD's to help me get through this. I am on Lexapro and it does help. The psch. told me that I was having post traumatic stress syndrome. You think?
I have never taken AD's, but I am not against it if this becomes a pattern. Yesterday, I think the job issue was the trigger for a lot of bottled up emotions I just haven't been able to get out. I'm working on releasing those emotions, but the anxiety is gone. I simply have to give up worrying about something over which I have no control. That does not mean I just plod along in my job. It's time to step up with work, and I need that "distraction" from what is going on in my M.
The car thing is a relatively minor speed bump. That is easy to remedy. And, thank God my S and I weren't hurt in that accident. Like I told my S then, cars can be replaced. People can't.
Times like this is where faith comes in. It has to. I have to trust that God will not give me more than I can handle. I have to trust that no matter what, God will provide for me (with my hard work included of course). I have to trust that all of this happens for a reason and He knows what is better for me than I do.
I got up this morning and made waffles for the kids. O had them laughing throughout cooking. And it was music to my ears.
Going to stay busy today. S has asked to go to the bookstore "just us two." He has a basketball game today. I will either go for a run or hit the gym. And I will need to look at cars today. I was planning on moving into an SUV anyway (had a convertible) given that I will not have a "family" car to take the kids around in.
Thanks again guys. It is very comforting to know there are people out there who know what you are going through and are pulling for you. Thank you.
As someone who suffered (and now mostly conquered) anxiety attacks I can relate to how you are feeling and also echo everything SDFoundgirl posted.
The one thing I learned is there is no measure as to why we feel anxiety. There are not proper reasons to feel anxiety. If you are experiencing anxiety/panic attacks for *any* reason then the reason is significant.
I was scared to death when I started my medication. Honestly though, until the physical side of anxiety was relieved (and in many cases medication is necessary) I could not start dealing with the emotional side of anxiety. It simply (for me) was impossible to sit in my C's office and try and focus on what was being said when my anxiety was so high I could not breath, see straight and I felt like my heart was going to blow out of my chest. Maybe somebody else could but I could not. Then, I felt so worthless because I could not even function due to the physical side of anxiety I just spiraled further down.
When I was hospitalized I really thought I was having a heart attack. My anxiety and panic had reached a point of physically destroying my body and my lupus just pushed that along. And when you are so riddled with anxiety it physically impairs you medication can be a TERRIFIC tool to stabilize your body so you can get your mind "retrained". They are not "happy pills", they are tools to ease the physical symptoms of anxiety so your mind can do the work.
I sometimes thing.. GOSH, why did I suffer so long? The answer is I don't know. I do know when live in a state of constant anxiety you simply cannot think or process things with rational thought.
I have been reading you sich today, I am up to where you get served the D papers. My only comment is that you said that you were NC but you seem to be telling her everyday that she has to R or D. She picked D. If she is in MLC that seems like an obvious choice by her. You are causing her pain(so she thinks) so she has to get rid of the pain(you).
I will keep reading from there but that was only 11 days ago.
Keep busy with your kids, they are cute! Sorry for the 2x4.
Since the bomb in April, we have had 3-4 R talks. I am not having R talks with her other than those 3-4 that were spread out since the bomb. In fact, we had none of those talks from early May until Oct when things seemed better. From May-Oct, I db'd my butt off and acted like a detached and confident friend. It had NO affect, which seems consistent with MLC.
The only communication I have with her now is related to kids, $ or information to complete the disclosures in the D proceeding. Other than that, I do my own thing and hang out with the kids. She wants to be alone, so be it. As much as I can give her that and live under the same roof, I am giving that to her.
Fun! And with the car...think New Life. Think - everyone has a silver Suburban but I want a (fill in the blank with the kind of car you have always wanted). Then make it happen.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
I finished reading all this. Sandi2 has told you to go dark. You need to do that. NC means no contact. NONE!!!
This quote is from yesterday.
Don't tell her that you are going NC just do it!
NC is a form of communication. She will get the message.
I don't know about the D laws in your state but in NY when my W files for Sep/D then the clock starts. One year later we are D. Thats a lot of time for things to change but in MLC land its short. I read about a lot of D's where the spouse never shows up in court. Even if you get D because of the children you will never be done. Go dark now. It is the best thing, the MLC could go on for 10 years. Your W is young.
