Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[mindfull]

Women ruminate over stuff...it's what we do and don't worry I am just curious not scared/angry/hopeful/happy.

Newmama:

When I read your post about the almost "nervousness" re: StepDad and you seeing each other after their time together, my first thought was... What doesn't he want them to talk about?????

Must be a girl thing!

[newmama]

P& Cutter you are right...there was a 2-3 day break among a lot of us! I would like to think that happened because we were busy GALing...

Mindfull--thank you for validating my feelings! And you know what? As my therapist would say, it is just a feeling so acknowledge it and move on. Later, I might find something out that justifies it. (I could snoop and call his sister but I think I should just move on.)

[newmama]

Well WH just picked up S and said they would be coming back a little eary because his stepdad wants to see him one more time before he goes. He asked me if I wanted to join them but he understands if I would feel uncomfortable. First I thought he said he told them to meet me at our house which ticked me off because he didn't ask me first. But no he was saying it could be at various locations and our house was one option.

My gut said "yes, go!" But then my thinking started to kick in... wondering if it is sending a wrong message or wondering about creating distance and that not going would help to be distant.

Then I thought that it would be another situation where once again, the OW is not part of a family gathering and bonding, etc. etc.

So I checked with one of my friends who said "NO. It would be easing WH's guilt and he wants to show his stepdad you are ok with the situation."

Another friend said "You should go- the more interaction with his family the better and if it were me, I would (she also went through an A with her H)"

So THEN I decided to call my SIL and see what she thought and to ask about the other night. She said 1) Their stepdad KNOWS about the situation, doesn't agree with WH and also is confident that WH is a good man making a bad decision 2)Their stepdad really wants to meet me and 3)Not meeting him will not make WH stay longer in the A. But she added that she completely respected my decision and so would stepdad if I didn't go.

Oh and she said actually they really did have to leave that night to go to a banquet but they also did want WH and stepdad to be alone together.

So I am going to go...but at least I didn't say "SURE!" instantly when WH asked. I told him to check with me later and we would see.

[chatterbug]

Always choke out OW with H's family.... Always....

And when you meet stepdad.

GAL his ass off. Show him the woman you are and show him the beautiful baby you two have.

Let him decide his own thoughts on this.

[newmama]

Cutter, I am relieved to have your support on this! Phew! I mean I make my decisions but still care what you guys think.

The other thing about meeting his stepdad is that my initial feelings and thoughts were NOT about the A and more about 1) wanting to meet him and 2)not wanting to hurt the stepdad's feelings. It was when I was second guessing myself that it made me think of the message my actions may have on WH. So it wasn't originally about WH for once! Imagine that?

On a different note, I wasn't feeling depressed about WH taking S today. When WH came in he first just stood in the hall and said "Hi,S! How are you?" And S turned his head toward the voice and had a huge smile on his face and got excited! Then when WH came into the room, S practically jumped out of my arms to see him! It sure made me feel good to see S is crazy about his dad, even if his dad is being a complete stupid idiot right now. It makes me feel good because I see hope for the two of them to have a good relationship regardless of what happens to our marriage.
Also, I was looking forward to some time in the house to myself. Now when he takes him overnight, that may be a different story.

[newmama]

Okay so WH called and reminded me that if I was too uncomfortable he understood. I said "No, I would like to meet your stepdad!"

So he picked me up and I thought of some things to chat about (current events, the Jay Leno/Conan Obrien scandal, Avatar etc.)
We arrived and pulled up just as his stepdad and SIL's exexH (H) arrived with pizza and salads. I walked toward his stepdad with hand extended and he said, No! I do hugs! It's great to meet you!

Then the visit went pretty easy going; some references to the work on our house that WH did, but little talk about memories or past although there were plenty of opportunities to bring them up. That was hard to censor! I did find out more about WH's childhood and his stepdad was such a nice guy!

At one point an old familiar urge to go sit next to WH on the couch and cuddle came over me--just what we would do when gathering with family--and luckily I stopped myself! There was an opening right next to him on the couch! Phew--

His stepdad got out the video camera and filmed S a little to take back to his wife.

So then we finally left and his stepdad gave me a hug and said "it was great to finally meet you!" and I said "Same here!" Then we we got to the car WH said "that wasn't so bad!" and I just said "yeah!" The ride home had some silence but WH filled it with innocent talk, repeating himself about S.

When we got back, he fed S and then left. I wonder what he had told OW--that he was going to take S to see his sister? Surely he didn't say to see his stepdad because then she would have been hurt that he didn't invite her! But I know we can't read minds. It still makes me curious.

Oh and SIL's H had to leave for work. I noticed she had a different wedding ring-I will ask her about that some time, like what her opinion was about the old one and what she did with it.

Luckily S wasn't over at OW's from 9-3 more like 9-12!

And when we arrived at the house WH said "maybe moss will be taking over the yard and I won't have to plant grass"
(Like he is still going to be working on our yard? WTH)

[chatterbug]

u know. you could cut out the feeding of S.

When he is with you.

It is an act of service.

[newmama]

Sorry but WH is over here to see and tend to S and it relieves me of some of the work so I won't be interfering with dad duty!

[chatterbug]

yea ignore that one. I have no idea why i wrote it...

[newmama]

Ok today... WH came over and I planned my usual: work out then leave to go to the store. We were totally out of baby food. I said I would get some today and he said that he could always go and get some if I just wanted to chill out and not go anywhere. I said "thanks but I REALLY DO want to get out of the house!" I worked out, then he remembered that I needed to update the GPS he bought me last year (add some current maps) and got the cords and box down from the office. I honestly felt nervous about him being alone on my laptop because I have some affair stuff saved but I did delete the history of internet searches.. I don't want him to know my strategy!

So I started the work on the computer to update the maps but then had to go to the store. (I did move around the affair documents I saved to inconspicuous folder). When I returned there was 30 minutes before he had to leave. He was playing with S and saying how much fun he is these days. I hung out on the couch reading a cookbook while he had a football game on TV, sitting on the floor with S. It felt good- natural and I imagined what it could be like if we were back together...this could be a typical Sunday night!

Oh and here is something else-tomorrow, WH has the day off being MLK Jr's B-day (90% sure OW does also since they both work at the same place!)I knew this but originally on the visitation calendar he just wrote the usual time. So I figured he had plans with OW during the day or something. Well today he said he forgot that he had tomorrow off and if it was all right, he could come over during the day but he also completely understood if I had other plans.He also said that he knew I also appreciated help getting S down at night so he could also just come at night like usual. Well I told him that he could come after our music class any time so he is coming 2-6. It's not fantastic BUT it does mean he would not be taking the entire day to be with her! In fact, in November he had Veteran's Day off and chose to spend it with her instead of coming over here.

So that's it...I managed to be physically absent about 4/5 hours.