Please tell me you didn't really send this.. Please...
Quote:
"You are hot, so very very hot, smart, have a great sense of humor, a great lover (best I have ever had), great cook, good mom, good friend, and someone that I am honored to have spent 14 years of my life with. With any luck I may be able to spend more.
I realize that I did not tell you these things enough before we separated, but that was not because I did not feel them. It was because I took it for granted that you knew how I felt. I took you for granted. If you cannot tell I do not plan on doing that anymore.
I have always been there to take care of you with physical needs and financial needs and for a time the emotional needs. I pushed the emotional needs to the back burner for a long time. Never again will I do that. I am here for you. I want you back. I will not hold any of this against you in the future. I want to hold you in my arms again and comfort you like in the beginning. I want you to hold me again when I am upset. We were good together once and have three wonderful children to prove it.
I want to be good together again.
It is rare in life when you meet the love of your life. I met her in you.
You make me want to be a better man. You are perfect in every way for me. You have always been the wife I wanted. You are beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, loving, strong, independent, well liked, motherly, and alway take care of your family.
You and the children will always come first from now until the end of time.
I know that you feel confused at the moment and I am sorry for that. I wish I could help you with that. I am here for you to lean on when you need me. I am here to listen with a kind ear if you need me to. I am not a perfect man so I cannot expect you to be a perfect woman. I will love you unconditionally and I will love you truely for the rest of our lives if you allow it.
I would appreciate a response of some sort when you get this. Even if it is just to say you got it.
Please think very hard about us, because I do want you and you are the only woman for me. I have failed to show that to you. I will prove it to you if you let me.
I am not afraid of failure if I can learn from it. I have learned that my priorities were not right for a long time and now they are. You are the number one priority, the kids number 2, and work number 3.
I have arms to hold you and they are empty at the moment, I have ears to hear you and the hear nothing at the moment, I have eyes to see you but they see no one right now.
Lets spend some time together so that we can begin to heal our marriage and make it the one we always wanted.
No one else can make us happy. Each person must make themselves happy. I am happier now that I have identified the areas of my life where I have screwed up. I want to share that happiness with you. I want to show you that I am dedicated to you and that you are the earth, sun, and moon to me. You are the center of my universe Jennifer. It is not out of panic that I say this, it comes from many hard hours of thinking, journalling, crying, and talking that I have come to this realization.
I understand that I have been pressuring you to give me your all right now. That was wrong. It took me a while to begin to make myself happy and discover what I truely want. It will take you a while. We will not be healed all at once. It will take baby steps. Lets start to take those steps again.
Steps:
1. Talk nicely to each other 2. Touch each other in kind but non-sexual ways 3. Spend time together 4. Limit relationship talks (this will come naturally in time) 5. No threats or ultimatums from either of us. 6. Being intimate if we can (massages, baths, cuddleing, sex if it feels right) 7. Call or text each other nightly to wish each other a good night or the next day to wish each other a good day 8. Find something to compliment the other about each time we see each other. 9. Find time to dedicate to the boys with both mom and dad together."
So, all your wife has to do to get you to treat her right is to tell you she doesn't love you, find 2 or 3 men to chat with and have affairs with, reject you more and be a cake eater. If she does all of that, then she FINALLY gets you to treat her right and tell her all the right things...
Wow.... Imagine how much better you would treat her if she divorced you and brought in another two or three guys huh. Mayber she would get a love letter a day....
Many of us here have been at this for a long time. Some of us are not so easy to fake. By you telling us that you are doing a 180 isn't going to fly as a reason or excuse to write emails and letter like you did. I think you know you went completely overboard with that letter. It is very unattractive to a woman to get a letter like that when she is acting like she may want out of the relationship. Especially to a woman that has always been attracted to men who DO NOT do those things.
AND to top it off.. You end the day by saying you were busy to creat mystery???? After that love letter you think that you created some mystery?????
You are sadly mistaken if you think for one second this is how to get a woman back... Carry on if you must, but you are heading down the wrong path...
YOU are in PANIC mode. Panic mode never works. She can sense it. You are acting like a two year old here.
I need to correct my path gucci. I did send that. She said in her journal that she wanted me because I was there for her physical needs (sickness, operations, etc.), was a good father, and was always a good provider. She said that I took care of her much like you would a child.
She said she wants OM because he gives her a shoulder to cry on, tells her she is smart and pretty, and does not judge her when she is not so perfect.
That letter was my attempt to fill the EN's that the OM was filling.
She called me last night to wish me good night. We laughed and joked for about 20 minutes about different things. She said she enjoyed the call.
On a downside she said she is going to see OM tonight. She says that she may cancel and want to see me instead (I am not holding my breath). She said she went to see him last weekend because we were fighting and she is going tonight because she planned it last weekend. While she said this I acted as if it made no difference to me. I acted as if her decisions affected my life in no way whatsoever. Think she was trying to test me to see if I would get angry so she could justify her trip to see him.
She still wants to go out on Saturday and see me Sunday as well since I missed last night.
I need a course correction gucci. I want to win this fight, but really do not know how. I am trying to 180 what I was doing before the bomb. This letter was an attempt as I was controlling and angry before and never treated her as I should have.
I also let her know that I would not be able to help her with more than one third of her traffic ticket cost and she would have to pick up the rest of the tab. This should wipe out her savings account.
Me 33 WAW 32 S12 S4 S2 M12 T14 Not wanting to ever give up.
She called me last night to wish me good night. We laughed and joked for about 20 minutes about different things. She said she enjoyed the call.
On a downside she said she is going to see OM tonight. She says that she may cancel and want to see me instead (I am not holding my breath).
OMG. This is NOT going to work, and in fact it isn't working NOW, L.H.S.!! So, not 12 hours after you send her the most pursuing, supplicating letter I've seen in probably the past 3 years on this forum, she informs you that she's STILL going to see OM? Or, maybe not -- MAYBE she'll grace you with her presence? And you think this is working . . . why??
One of the misconceptions about DBing, in my opinion, is the "Do what works" thing. The problem is that people mis-define "works" as being "what doesn't make her/him angry" and "what makes her/him act nice towards me." Instead of as "what moves me further along down the path toward a mutually-healthy and committed marriage."
Sometimes one has to take a short-term "hit" in the "nice" department in order to solidify a healthier, longer-term gain.
Calling it a "180" doesn't negate all of the immutable laws of human attraction.
2X4's taken and appreciated. She did enjoy letters like that when we first got together. No man had ever given her any before and I did. It endeared her to me at the time.
In PANIC mode I did think of doing the things that she liked about me in the beginning of our relationship.
She still respects me as a business man and a man in the community, but she does not respect me as a man for a partner right now.
I will say that being there and being nice to her was working through all of December, when she had me over almost every night and was ignoring the OM. On Christmas I became sad and played the victim and it turned her off.
Monday after Christmas I threatened OM and that set us back as I gave her an ultimatum.
She decided to go to NYE with me and we had a good time until bed time when I again played the victim.
She had her facebook and I threatened to move back in immediately if she did not friend me. She saw LTFF (long time female friend) had friended me and felt threatened. I defriended LTFF. She then emailed LTFF and confronted her. Results of confrontation was that she discovered LTFF was never a threat to our relationship. LTFF and I have been friends but I always talked highly of my wife to her.
In short, nice guy was 180 for me and was working. I then became victim threatening guy for two weeks and set back our progress.
I want to do what works, please help.
Me 33 WAW 32 S12 S4 S2 M12 T14 Not wanting to ever give up.
When I was there and her phone would ring she would not even look at it. She would shut it off. She was having me over almost every night. Also I could check her phone records at the time and no outgoing or incoming calls to or from him. She may have sent a few text while at work but even her text count was very low.
Me 33 WAW 32 S12 S4 S2 M12 T14 Not wanting to ever give up.
We had a argument just a little while ago. I reminded her to call her lawyer on her traffic ticket. She wanted me to do it. She asked if I could give her the money to pay and wants me to go to L's office with her on Monday. This ticket happened just before S. I told her I could give her half the money. She got angry saying that I said I would take care of it. I said sorry I only have enough to give you half. I asked her if all I was for her was an atm machine. She started crying and said "no you idiot, if you treated me better I would have never started with OM" She said that she cared for me for more than that and was still confused. Does not understand why I am treating her good now.
Me 33 WAW 32 S12 S4 S2 M12 T14 Not wanting to ever give up.
Don't take the blame for her actions. You didn't cause her to fall into the arms of another man. And if he's so good, why doesn't he pay her fine for her? No one is perfect, and I don't know what you did that was "bad" to her, but I can't help wondering if it was as bad as her having an affair was to you. You have been pursuing. Have you told her that she needs to end the affair with the other man? There is no reason for you to pay the expenses of a person who is leaving you. She can start standing on her own by paying for her own tickets.
We had a argument just a little while ago. I reminded her to call her lawyer on her traffic ticket. She wanted me to do it. She asked if I could give her the money to pay and wants me to go to L's office with her on Monday. This ticket happened just before S. I told her I could give her half the money. She got angry saying that I said I would take care of it. I said sorry I only have enough to give you half. I asked her if all I was for her was an atm machine. She started crying and said "no you idiot, if you treated me better I would have never started with OM" She said that she cared for me for more than that and was still confused. Does not understand why I am treating her good now.
WOW.
Right there is a moment to stop the cake eating.
Draw a line.
I would kick her to the curb.
You can only take so much. And right now you are falling apart completely.
You have been ridden hard and put away wet.
How much more can you take ???
I think it is time you started to stand up for yourself. Go find your nuts.
Wow what a vulgar post...
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
