The 2 circles. I understand completely what you are saying. That is exactly how a M should be. Some of both of us together and then a bit of us individually outside together. That is healthy. I'm not sure how to focus that point tonight other than not focusing on W at all tonight which is pretty much my main goal. I'm just going to try and enjoy the evening with the girls as I am very anxious about doing dinner with W's real dad given he was an initiator of the D.
At one point when I was still in our house he told W that he is thinking about coming down and dealing with me himself. Not sure what that was going to entail. But I am not looking forward to seeing him tonight.
But tonight is about D8 and not him as far as I am concerned.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Ask some of the women who (still) post to you: What's more attractive in a man:
-Strong, independent, able to handle things on his own, somewhat mysterious and intriguing ...
or
-Indecisive, passive, submissive, predictible, etc.
Yes, I know they have answered this. Each and everyone of them. I can do the upper part of this tonight.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
At one point when I was still in our house he told W that he is thinking about coming down and dealing with me himself. Not sure what that was going to entail. But I am not looking forward to seeing him tonight.
So why did you agree to include him??!!! This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about!!!
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
I agreed to try and improve R's with everyone as well as it is what D8 wants for her birthday. The girls don't know who else has been involved in this other than MIL because MIL was blunt about it in front of the girls. At times I didn't exactly hold back about what MIL was doing earlier on. That sitch has since been repaired for everyone.
They don't know that W's real dad has been pushing for this from the beginning and neither do they need to know. But D8 wants this for her birthday and I don't see the harm in improving R's if I have already started to improve them with the rest of the family. There are also building blocks that go along in this. You can rebuild R's and still DB properly.
Kevin
Last edited by K4D; 01/15/1009:02 PM.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
How do you think you can improve a R with no respect?
Your exFIL clearly does not respect you since he offered to "come take care of you" for your W. Do you think all of a sudden he does respect you? How does attending a dinner create the building blocks of respect and repair?
How do you think you can improve a R with no respect?
By being the better stronger person. By not scooping down to his level.
Quote:
Your exFIL clearly does not respect you since he offered to "come take care of you" for your W. Do you think all of a sudden he does respect you? How does attending a dinner create the building blocks of respect and repair?
W's MIL didn't respect me and hated me. I have repaired that R by not scooping to the same level as she was. If you want respect, you treat people with respect. If there is a decent bone in their body, eventually they will start treating you with respect as well. If he tries to disrespect me tonight, which I don't think he will, but if he does, I will stand my ground respectfully. If he brings up the D which is a possibility when he talks, I will decline to discuss it with him.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Don't use your daughters as an excuse. You're their dad. Start acting like it.
You're not improving relationships. You're ignoring Kevin's needs to keep the peace.
I am not using them as an excuse. It is D8's birthday. This is what she wants. I am not going to punish her because of feelings me and FIL may have towards each other. At the same time, because this is the situation, I can also try and rebuild a bit.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
