Where I am getting tripped up is as follows: The Church recognizes ALL marriages but it may (or may not) recognize them as a Sacrament. BIG DIFFERENCE. You were not real worried about the marriage being a sacrament in the Catholic Church when you were baptized (your W) and married via a DIFFERENT FAITH so why now? You said yourself you did NOT care. Now you do when you didn't even care enough to get married in the Catholic faith? Why, because your W didn't want to be married in a Catholic Church. That is why.
Addiction is an IMPEDEMENT and not CRITERIA.
Not being a sacramental marriage is not "grounds" for invalidity. Invalidity is based on INTENT on the day the marriage started. Not what happened AFTER.
You really need to think about this long and hard. I do not have a crystal ball but I am very comfortable saying I do believe your W will file for divorce before 2010 is over - she is waiting on both of you to move and have better jobs so she does not have to pay you support. You will have custody issues to attend to in the LEGAL fashion. If you attempt to go through the steps of the Tribunal to declare your marriage invalid you will need 6-12 outside people to submit a fair amount of paperwork to "back your case up". Do you think it will bode well for you in regard to custody issues/the law that you are so bent on finding out it the marriage was valid? Do you think that will make you look like a well adjusted, stable and capable parent? Do you think your W won't bring that up in the legal sense?
Basically you did what your W wanted (got married in a different church and you said you didn't care in your post above) and once your W decided she was done with the marriage you found religion again and are putting so much effort, based on what "you heard" to prove the marriage was invalid in the eyes of a Church you never got married in? So all this work to prove something that essentially didn't matter to you before - hell, forget "matter" you were not even AWARE of. And this seems like the appropriate path to take instead of working on you?
Maybe I am not being clear enough. I am the one that chose to get married in the Church Of Christ. I told her I wouldn't marry her unless she was baptized in the Church Of Christ. I also told her I would not marry her if D was ever considered an option as I did not want to be D'd.
Once the M fell apart, I started questioning out of 3,000 religions which one really is right. They can't all be right as many of them have different beliefs from what Christ set up. I questioned the Church Of Christ. I questioned alot. I started looking at the catholic faith after this as a portion of my family had converted to catholic and started talk to me about why and how it can only be the one true church that Christ set up. At first I didn't believe it. But then as I looked and listened to what they were saying and showed me, I started to believe it was true. Although still not sold at that point, I further started talking with a priest and others to find out why they believed what they did and where their evidence was that it was the church that Christ set up. I won't go into more than that as this is not a religious debate, but just where I was at and how I got to where I am.
I have no intention of trying to invalidate the M. I am wanting to know if it is a sacramental M and yes, whether or not it is even valid in our case within the church if W goes through with this. I cannot find out until after the court has decided civily if we are D'd. There is a huge difference between trying to get out of it and just trying to find out where it stands. I want to know where it stands. If it stands that it is truly valid in the church, I am all for that. If it stands that it is not, then I have a choice to make, whether to hold out and try and regain W, or to just move on once all is said and done.
But I am NOT trying to prove my M is invalid. I hope with every bit of my bone it is valid in the church. But why is their harm in wanting to know the status of it now that it has been questioned in front of me?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
There is not a thing wrong with recognizing the church as your spiritual authority. Using the church to avoid working on you in the name of answering to a higher authority is a problem.
I am not using the church to avoid working on me. But dang it, I am being accused of things because I now don't know where my M stands in the churches eyes?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I was thinking along the lines of child support. Even if no support is ordered K will still be responsible for xxxx (whatever that may be) in contributions for the children (medical, education, daily expenses, activities, childcare) and it seems his W has always made more money so perhaps their obligations won't be "even" and she will just have to contribute more.
My friend was awarded 2500.00 per month in support from her H very recently in Texas. 2500.00 is the maximum amount awarded by law. He made almost triple what she did however she did leave an equally high paying job to marry him and move to TX. If I understood here that was figured in to her support. She now makes peanuts as a teacher and would have never quit her high paying job to move to Texas "just because". Also (and I think I understood her correctly) teachers do not have state tax taken from their pay but they also do not earn social security which figures into retirement when dividing assets. I *think* that is what I understood her to say but I am not 100% sure.
Either way the issue at hand is all of *this*. At this point a valid Sacrament of Marriage is a non issue. NOT because its not important but I think we all know there are far more pressing issues K needs to address.
Historically, we have made close to the same amount. At times she made slightly more and at times I made slightly more. This is the first time she has made significantly more.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
My friend whom I now know is reading this today is actually helping me in the wardrobe department and has himself pointed out, no more polos. lol.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I am thisclose to driving to Dallas to see if you are this obtuse IRL.
Stop. Please.
LOL, SG, you crack me up. I have my kids this weekend, so this wouldn't be a good weekend. lol.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You just said you started question faith/religion when your M fell apart. Nothing wrong with that. You said you thought about the 3000 religions out there. So it sounds to me you picked one that supports your cause.
Fine - if you are not using the Church to avoid working on you then what *are* you doing to work on you?
Yes, part of DB is looking your best in what you like. Not what your W likes. You liked your Polo shirt just fine when you put it on today. You knew your W hates Polo shirts but you wore it anyway. It is only when you learned you might be seeing her that you decided you needed to change your shirt.
DB also includes setting boundaries.
Do you think ANYBODY gets married and thinks as they walk down the aisle.. "gee, I guess if this gets boring or hard we can always get divorced"? No, I doubt it but it divorce happens.
If you want to get technical about it... you may have made the same amount historically speaking as your W but she now makes more than you. Why is that? Perhaps because she used the job you passed up as a springboard and stepping stone to higher pay.
I don't know about Texas but here that would be a consideration.
