you suggesting that people prone to depression cannot make decent, loving partners??
Of course not ... 1 in 4? I'm surprised it's that low, I would have thought the number might be higher than that. My darling, sucessful, fabulous loving Dad has suffered with depression all his (and our life) and I wouldn't change him for the world ... but my sisters and I have all inherited (genetics or environment? who knows) his illness to different degrees and a parent's health is an imporant consideration in the likely health outcomes for their offspring.
One of my sisters and I have forgiven mum for making such a dodgy choice of partner and co-parent on the basis that she was very young when she chose dad and didn't know anything about depression or mental illness - I suspect she also had low self esteem so thought this almost perfect (but slightly broken) man was a good catch. My other sister ... not so much. She's still pretty cross about what she perceives was a fractured and dysfunctional upbringing, because of dad's sadness and distance and the impact that had on our mum who is such a larger than life, fun, overflowing-with-love woman.
No - I'm not making any comment about your boyfriend's capacity to be a loving, decent partner. What I'm commenting on is your dissatisfaction and gently suggesting you trust yourself to really have a look at it and see what it means.
Ali life doesn't have to be so difficult and so full of angst.
Deepak Chopra, in his book The Ultimate Happiness Prescription says
Quote:
when mind, body and spirit are in harmony, happiness is the natural result. Signs of the absence of harmony on the other hand, are discomfort, pain, depression, anxiety and illness in general. Unhappiness is a form of feedback. It signals that disharmony has entered the field somewhere - either in mind, body or spirit. Awareness has become disconnected. Only when we look at the situation in this holistic way can we link health, wholeness, and holiness, for all three share the same root word, and all three share the same state of harmony or disharmony.
The thing is, when you discribe your uncertainty, it's not all about your boyfriend's depression (even though sometimes it does sound like you blame a lot of your unhappiness on things your boyfriend does or doesn't do - photos of old girlfriend, phone calls to her on your birthday, extended periods of little sexual intimacy... you know by now that no one is responsible for your happiness and comfort but you).
Remember too that what someone does or says to you is their karma. How you react is yours.
Blessings. V
Last edited by Walking; 01/15/1002:45 AM.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Hey Walking, I have read Deepak Chopra, thanks. I like Pema Chodron too.
I've known my bf 14 years but his depression wasnt 'obvious' or even diagnosed until after his Dad died and we moved to Cornwall. It was never a major aspect of our R, or didnt impact it. But it did before and during the S and largely the cause of him leaving (and some of that was my responsibility, of course).
The comments I made about Helen and their R were just some more processing the last 2 1/2 years (and what this thread has been for).. as new information came to light (the old phonebill). I'm not blaming him for that Virginia, or any unhappiness, or the S even. I DO take responsibility for my part in the breakup.
I dont have any unhappiness, but I have had a few wobbles around trying to conceive and normal concerns about trying for a baby at near 39 and the associated risks, but I can honestly say I am not focusing on the medical worries, I am more focusing on eating well and ML every other day as advised !
Its not perfect that he suffers with depression, but I dont intend to de-select him as a parent! My uncertaintities about having children arent to do with that, they are residual from my own upbringing (that I should aspire for careers and independence rather than M and children) and I've had to work at unravelling that childhood conditioning, which has taken years! Just in the nick of time, hopefully.
Hey girls.. ok well this thread has turned into a bit of a baby making diary . Yep, so the ADs have worked, he seems his old self again and yes, just in time as we would have had trouble conceiving otherwise!!! Its the first time in his life he had lost his s*x drive so thank goodness everything is back to normal on that front.
Bobbi if you are reading, I found some of those ovulation strips (thanks!!) so hopefully that will be a big help, as it was for you. And Kat, I have been looking out for those other signs, you were right !!
Hey Mish.. the eclipse is.. TODAY! And today Mercury also goes direct, messages and information should now come through and things "come to light" on the eclipse. Its in Capricorn.
I'm feeling a bit emotional today, thinking of all my friends here and how far we have come.
I heard about the details of the eclipse on the news this morning. That would have been an awesome sight to see! The longest duration for a solar eclipse for the next 1000 years.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Hey mish, dont worry, we'll catch the next one!!! (positive thinking) (I think I will return in another woman's body, hopefully Gisel's or at least Evangelista's...) K
HI = sorry for the hijack = what does this eclipse/mercury retrograde ending mean? My R has taken a huge step toward the positive this week = could be the start of something good?
Glad things are going well. Keep having positive thoughts.
. Yep, so the ADs have worked, he seems his old self again and yes, just in time as we would have had trouble conceiving otherwise!!! Its the first time in his life he had lost his s*x drive so thank goodness everything is back to normal on that front.