K4D It's a Wonderful Life

[C-Bart]

Maybe its time for some healthy boundaries with our friend.

[K4D]

Well put, you sound better than ever.

I'm really not. I am struggling pretty badly. I just don't feel like talking about it lately. There is no point really.

Kevin

[Drew]

Many people have offered great advice on getting "unstuck".

[K4D]

Many people have offered great advice on getting "unstuck".

Yes, they have. Thank you.

Kevin

[CityGirl]

I know I am going to regret asking this...

If you were starving (and I don't mean starving because you skipped lunch, I mean starving like you have not eaten for a week) and somebody said "hey Kevin, there is a dude on the corner passing out free food" what would you say?

(A) Yes, thank you for letting me know, I saw him handing out the free food but I walked right by him (even though I am so hungry I would eat dirt at this point) but thanks for letting me know.

(B) FREE FOOD!!! I am starving... how do I find this man and what is the fastest way to get there?

It is both concerning and disturbing you openly admit how much you struggle but you keep walking right by all the things that can make you "struggle free".

I honestly don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I used to feel really sad for you. Mostly because you reminded me OF ME. And I know I annoyed the hell out of people because I was going to do things "my way" and to hell with it all. In the meantime, while doing things "my way" I still complained how awful it was (like you). When I finally got with the program I realized that maybe everybody else wasn't all that far off base and I was the problem. Then my life got better bit by bit.

I want to understand (really more than anything) why you don't want to feel better? I think my life would be complete if I could get it. For real.

[Drew]

I also see a lot of the former me in Kevin and that's why I keep trying. I went the Mr.-Nice-Guy, Don't-Rock-the-Boat route for a long time also ..............

[C-Bart]

Eventually you have to feel the pain. There is no way around it. As much as you try and make this about your W, your kids, the OM its really about you. Good news is you have 100% control over yourself.

Kevin, I learned this from you. Thank you!

[Startingover2]

Eventually you have to feel the pain. There is no way around it. As much as you try and make this about your W, your kids, the OM its really about you. Good news is you have 100% control over yourself.

Kevin, I learned this from you. Thank you!

Very much agreed. At some point you will need to accept its over..at least for now. Feel it, greive it, and get past it.
My exh is the most manipulating man on this planet and its a constant battle, but honestly being proactive and not letting him run all over me anymore feels so much better than just waiting for the next hit.

[K4D]

There are questions I have that I can't get answered from the church. I have been told due to a possible snafu there is a slight chance my M may not even be valid, yet to assume it is anyways. I have been told do not D my W because even if I do, I still have to assume I am M and nothing changes until the church has ruled on whether or not my M is even valid. I can't seek an answer on whether or not it is valid unless a D is filed by my W. That answer would take up to 16 months to get if and when a D goes through should she choose to go through with it. I pray for my M and family to be reconciled not knowing if I am praying for a M that may have never been valid and therefore prayers would not have an effect on.

There is a lot of confusion in me right now that I can't get direct answers to.

I don't know where my M stands in the church at this point other than I am not to pursue D which I don't want a D anyways.

I am stuck in limbo in that regard. Meanwhile, it is lonely without her and I don't even know if she is really my W. But I can't pursue someone else either since the church has not ruled on it and won't unless a D is finalized that I can't file for if I am to be in submission with the church.

I am trying to stand for this M yet I fail miserably at times only to find myself regretting failing and trying to get back on it.

I am not looking for debate on this issue. I am just telling you what the state of things are right now for me.

I am also looking for another job as me and my 2 coworkers are tired of being reamed and called on the carpet for making even minor mistakes sometimes on our reporting processes that seem to be changing everytime we put our heads up with ridiculous deadlines to meet that can't have any mistakes. Our bosses are jerks about how they handle it when one arises.

At one point the other day me and my coworker were told to go to my cubicle and get on speakerphone. Our 2 bosses griped us out for 2 minor mistakes that slipped through. They were such jerks that other people sitting around us that could hear the speaker phone walked by saying what a bunch of @ss's. We said yes. Unfortunately, that is how they always are.

So I have put my resume out there, but not many leads at this point.

Being a contractor I still don't have health insurance or paid time off and we have another day off on Monday with no pay for MLK day. This is the 3rd one in 3 weeks.

So between those issues, I am somewhat frusturated and struggling this week.

Don't be sad for me CG. You have your own happening life to live and enjoy. I just feel like everything is in limbo with mind right now. I have no answers from the church, yet I can't make any moves either. I just feel trapped all the way around lately.

My W just chooses to disregard everything and do what she wants and I have chosen not to disregard everything even though I don't always succeed.

My kids are tired of going back and forth every week. They don't want to be in an apartment, yet don't want to be away from me either. They also get tired of forgetting things at one place or the other no matter how much we try and make sure they have everything each week. They get bounced back and forth because of this crap.

But hey, W is enjoying herself to the fullest. All is well in her world. And she may have just landed another good job with a bit of assistance from my BIL. It just sucks for the rest of us.

So the only thing to get unstuck from is to learn how to enjoy being alone with no options regarding R's and trying to land another job.

W texted me and asked if we could do a birthday dinner with D7 Saturday night with her mom and step dad since her real dad is in town today. Tonight is her night with the kids and she wants to spend time with her dad and them without me. Ironically, tomorrow night and this weekend and next week is my time with the kids and she is wanting us to do dinner with her dad tomorrow night since it is my night with the kids. We will spend the birthday party together Saturday afternoon and then dinner saturday night with her stepdad just to accomdate their schedules since I have the girls during these times.

And yes, I allowed this in trying to improve R's with everyone. Interesting that tonight came about the way it did with me to be excluded again on her night. But I have some real issues I have been trying to get past towards W's real dad for pushing for a D from the beginning anyways. I have learned to forgive on that matter, but this is all just a bunch of manipulating BS from W and her dad as far as it appears anyways.

Just having a rough week with a lot of confusion.

Kevin

[Drew]

Kevin,

I am stuck in limbo in that regard. Meanwhile, it is lonely without her and I don't even know if she is really my W. But I can't pursue someone else either since the church has not ruled on it and won't unless a D is finalized that I can't file for if I am to be in submission with the church.

Do you HAVE to be with someone?