Back from the lake. Really enjoyed seeing the kids. Read to my D6. She is the only woman in my life right now giving unconditional love.
And, without going into too much detail, I asked W about a trip S said we were taking for his birthday. I told her we could not afford that "now." Asked where she planned us to stay, and she replied, her parents. WHAT?! REALLY?!
Sorry, but didn't you just file a D petition against me? It is simply mind boggling that she would think we would all stay at her parents or that we would take a trip together as a family.
Am I overreacting or is this as crazy as I think it is?
GIMA ~ my friend... It's not about whether or not y'all can afford this 'now'. It's about not taking a vacation with the woman who just served you D papers. It is simply mind boggling to me that either one of you would think that y'all would travel together - forget about who will sleep where. What? Is she going to pitch in on this event - split it half with you? No - YOU, YOU GIMA, will be paying for her holiday to celebrate her son's birthday. That is not D-World, sport. D-World for Mrs. Gima is that she will have to tell her son "I'm sorry, junior, but I can't afford Disney right now. Let's bake a cake and invite friends over."
Perfect opp for you to let her feel what D feels like.
And wow - what a con. Saying 'no' to her is in effect saying 'no' to your son which I KNOW you don't want to do. But she needs to know what D looks and feels like. No Disney.
You are not overreacting. It is crazy. Mrs. GIMA is cake-eating.
GRRRRRRR. Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
GIMA, I concur with Greek. The trip to Disney is canceled. In case you forgot, they are not called consequences for nothing. Make her own her shirt by being there when she tells son that he can't go and the reasons why.
Reasons:
1. "WE" are not a family anymore so there is no reason to fake it.
2. The money that was earmarked for the trip now has to be used to fund L's and the D.
3. I need to look out for myself and my kids from this point forward.
4. "WE" are no longer friends.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
I agree - let her be the one to tell the child that the trip is off and there will be no more family trips. I know it will be painful but it's not right to give such a young child any sort of false hope when a divorce is happening. And it's even WORSE to let the WAS think for a f'ing second (please pardon me, I can hear my Gran saying "citygirl, LANGUAGE!) that ya'll are pals. Have mercy!
Do something super fabulous with your son and while I don't think giving too many details is the way to go, spell things out IN FRONT OF YOUR W to your son in a way you think he can handle it.
You know what? It doesn't feel like it now but you will find somebody who is far more suitable for an adult R. I am flabbergasted (and trust me, it takes quite a bit, lol!) that your W would think ya'll are going to Disney after she serves you D papers at work. I had to read that about 10 times to be sure I wasn't misreading.
To anybody reading this.. if you are SERVED divorce papers do not go on a trip with your WAS. It doesn't matter if it is "for the kids" or the trip has been planned for 25 years. NO NO NO!
Make sure ANY and ALL perks of marriage cease to exist.
GIMA, it's unanimous so far = YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DISNEY WITH HER AND STAYING WITH YOUR IN=LAWS BECAUSE SHE SERVED YOU DIVORCE PAPERS!!!!! It's not about the money, it's about the gall she has. That is unbelievable really. You are too sweet a person here - time to Tough Love her to death!
As for letting your son down - how about this - YOU TAKE YOUR KIDS TO DISNEY and she is not invited. SHE IS NOT INVITED BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE ON HER OWN. Then your kids don't have to suffer because she is being selfish and splitting up your M.
I'm sorry this makes me so angry to hear that she could slap such a nice person with D papers and then insist you stay at her inlaws for a vacation? THAT IS AS CRAZY AS IT SOUNDS. GRRRRR!!!!
Update from this morning. I spoke to W and told her that she and I had been on our last trip together. I told her we would not be going on S's birthday trip and that this was a consequence of her filing for D, which was her decision to break up the family. I told her filing for D and going on "family" vacations were mutually exclusive items. You can't do both.
I also explained that we did not have the money, and especially didn't now since she filed. That I would have to take money from the family budget to retain an attorney.
Of course, she got angry (as I expected she would) and I was the bad guy. I was being unreasonable/selfish for not laying aside my interests and thinking of the childrens' best interests (b/c, of course, people stay friends all the time even after D), that her filing the D action was merely a reaction to our "relationship."
I explained that the decision not to go had nothing to do with not keeping the childrens' interests at heart. I said people who are D'ing do not vacation together.
I also asked her if she really thought I would (a) go on vacation with her and (b) stay at her parents. All she said in response was that her parents had been "gracious" enough to offer to let us stay at their place. Huh?
I know what she is saying is simply her way of justifying her position that is simply unjustifiable. I have no doubt she truly believes her statements. That, however, does not make them right or defensible.
