Refering back to the day you were served the D papers at the office and went home, and you wouldn't talk to W or even notice her, and then she whispered a rather choked "good-night" on her way to bed. Then she sends you the pictures of the kids, etc. I'm thinking that she has not faced the reality of what her life will be without you as her "buddy". You are a wonderful person and she may not want you for her H, right now, but you served a place in her life.....and she doesn't want you "completely" out of that spot.
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While I have a different view of that, it is clear from the date of the bomb, W never had any true desire to work on our M. She sees happiness on the other side of this. I know what awaits her, and it isn't pretty.
She thinks she will always have you as her best friend. I think she honestly was shocked when you came in from being served with D papers and didn't have anything to say to her! I believe she thought good ole GIMA would sit down an try to softly talk her out of it. IMO, that is why she felt that emotion when she started to bed and whispered the good-night. She just didn't expect the response you gave. I know, it sounds crazy to expect any other reaction, but she isn't logical.
I may stand alone on this, but I don't think you should have even responded with an "OK" on the phone when she sent the TM. Ignore her GIMA. She can't stand that. Didn't you see how it affected her that night? If you are ever....EVER going to show her how life without GIMA will be after the D, it is now or never. Stop being nice and don't feel that you have to give her a response just b/c she sent you something on the phone.
When you go home, don't eat with her, don't even talk to her or stay in the same room if you don't have to. Go as dark as the night.
P.S. (Maybe it was Ready2Change that said I was sarcastic. Doesn't matter, both of you are my sweeties.)
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My H treated me like garbage for a long time after the bomb. For a long time I let him treat me like garbage but that is another story.
Our separation was final on 11/17/09 and I cut off ALL contact with him. He texted me on T-day and I ignored him. THREEE WEEKS later I got a long e-mail from him about how hurt his feelings were on T-day that I never responded to his text and how he guesses he better get used to me treating him this way and blah, blah, blah. Boring, lame... you know the drill.
Some WAS's have this odd fantasy they can treat their spouse like a second class citizens, lie, cheat, steal <insert transgression here> but figure once a bit of time has passed things will be "all good" and let's be buddies.
You are not your W's buddy nor should you want to be. You should view her as something in your past and as far as the present goes, she is nothing more than a major inconvenience.
At some point the WAS will get the message that bad behavior is not rewarded and it certainly does not result in a friendship. Some WAS take much longer to "get it" however the LBS can push that process along by SHOWING them... sorry, lady, I am out!
I created an alter ego on FB that isn't tied to my actual FB account at all. So I don't see stuff for the "real me" and no one sees what my psuedonym is up to.
As many here know, I did the same thing as Gardenerman. Worked out well & glad I did it. What's yours (or do I already have it? Problem is, many who do the same thing don't use their DB name - or variation, like I did - so I most times don't know who's who!).
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
If I remember correctly, you were one of the first people I friended.
If you look at your friends list, you should be able to figure out which one I am.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
gima, I'm so glad you got away from it all for a bit. Good for you.
Originally Posted By: Sandi2
I can't imagine you talking down to anyone
I second that, fer sure.
Originally Posted By: givingitmyall
I completely agree that my W is in full WAS mode right now and is saying things she knows are untrue to try to convince herself what she is doing is ok.
Originally Posted By: Ddogs
Exactly,, for the WAW it's all about THEM justifying their actions so they aren't the "bad guy"... In my sitch my WAS would have claimed the moon was made of green cheese if it would have justified/supported her actions in her mind...
Originally Posted By: Antlers
Yep, they say things they know are untrue to try to convince themselves that what they are doing is OK. They try to justify what they're doing, even if it means misrepresenting the truth.
Originally Posted By: CityGirl
Some WAS's have this odd fantasy they can treat their spouse like a second class citizens, lie, cheat, steal <insert transgression here> but figure once a bit of time has passed things will be "all good" and let's be buddies.
AMEN, all!!! Why, just the other day in an email about D business, in a total non-sequitur, I was informed that our relationship was destructive, unhealthy and she acted in self-preservation! The WAS willjust keep going and going and going, like the Energizer Bunny!
Originally Posted By: givingitmyall
Driving so I can't write much.
Driving? Hey, gima, don't write at all!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Back from the lake. Really enjoyed seeing the kids. Read to my D6. She is the only woman in my life right now giving unconditional love.
And, without going into too much detail, I asked W about a trip S said we were taking for his birthday. I told her we could not afford that "now." Asked where she planned us to stay, and she replied, her parents. WHAT?! REALLY?!
Sorry, but didn't you just file a D petition against me? It is simply mind boggling that she would think we would all stay at her parents or that we would take a trip together as a family.
Am I overreacting or is this as crazy as I think it is?
I'm glad you made it back safe. Unconditional love from D6! you are so lucky! I know you treasure your time with your kids.
well, it boggles my mind for sure. That would be a stressful trip, to say the least.
Are you overreacting? you already know she is irrational and untruthful with you, so its likely best not to mind read. She will have to confront reality eventually, right?
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Doesn't matter, both of you are my sweeties.)