Shows her ambiguity = or perhaps her guilt? Who knows. I think you are spot on to take some solitude and not respond. LRT = going dark. She has to live with her decision now.
Or, you could look at it as, hey, at least she is respecting your love for your children by sending you pictures?
I took a few days in the mountains with my S5 this week and the solitude got me really grounded for whatever comes. I am more detached than ever. I got rejuvenated and reconnected with my inner strength. Being surrounded by nature (I was also by a serene lake) reminded me of god's love and I just kept repeating "Thine will, not mine, be done."
Hope you also get some peace and inner strength during your time away.
Just got your message over on my place. I've got to take a break, but I'll be back later and catch up. I did grab one bit that I saw a quote you made about W saying you talked down to her. I have read tons of posts from you and the worst thing I ever heard you say was that Sandi could be a bit sarcastic....
Sweetie, I can't imagine you talking down to anyone especially the woman you adore. As you've heard me say before, it is some of the junk a WAW has to come up with to sling in the face of her H so she won't feel so rotten. She is trying to make herself believe her own lies.
I'll talk to you in a while. Got to take a break from the computer.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks for checking in on me and I really do want to hear your take. I could have said you were very direct with your advice (which I like and think is a very good thing) but I don't recall saying you were sarcastic. If I did, I'm sure you know I meant it in a very ppositive way.
I completely agree that my W is in full WAS mode right now and is saying things she knows are untrue to try to convince herself what she is doing is ok. I know she probably believes the things she is saying.
But you will probably recognize what is going on when you read my posts from this week on my thread.
I completely agree that my W is in full WAS mode right now and is saying things she knows are untrue to try to convince herself what she is doing is ok. I know she probably believes the things she is saying.
Hi Gima, Been following along without much to say but wanted to add one thing here. Do you remember the thread we had about cognitive dissonance? You are seeing this first hand. What your W is doing goes completely against her own belief system so she has to create this alternative reality in order to cope. I know that doesn't make things any easier but it is what it is. Just don't let her suck you into her emotional vortex.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Embracing the suck, I think means letting your emotions run their course. You allow it to run its course b/c you can handle it.
^^This. Rather than try to "fix" everything immediately, which often (for me) led to sweeping it under the rug, or putting my head in the sand.
GIMA, I hope you enjoy your time away. Although I'm a blue water Navy guy, and I love the open ocean, I grew up in the NW, and my heart belongs to the clear, cold, fresh water of streams and lakes. Nothing better than a cup of coffee at sunrise on the banks of a stream or lake. Sigh. Enjoy.
Good morning everyone. Getting ready to shove off from the lake and head back home. And there is a sense of dread and a bit of fear in me. I can handle it, but I dread getting back into the existence that is my "M" right now. And I am a bit fearful that this D is going to cost a lot of $$ that we can ill afford to spend right now.
My devotion this morning had a great passage I wanted to share with everyone:COURAGE MEANS BEING AFRAID AND ACTING ANYWAY.
And that point hit me right between the eyes.
I don't want to leave the peacefulness of the lake to return to pain, stress and resentment. But, I have to be an adult and face these challenges head on.not the easy thing to do but the right thing.
No worries there. I see right through her explanations. Had 8 months to learn her game plan.
GIMA,, lurking and reading along..
Exactly,, for the WAW it's all about THEM justifying their actions so they aren't the "bad guy"... In my sitch my WAS would have claimed the moon was made of green cheese if it would have justified/supported her actions in her mind...
"That which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" Hang in there and best of luck to YOU!
DD
H50 W44 M17 yrs S15 D11 D10 Bomb 4/09 Trial separation/moved out 9/09 Moved back in 12/29/09
Yep, they say things they know are untrue to try to convince themselves that what they are doing is OK. They try to justify what they're doing, even if it means misrepresenting the truth.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
