Karma and Weirdness

[sleeper]

So, take her behavior w/a grain of salt.

Here's one for the "nutty" archives.....

I went to X's place to pick up kids Christmas afternoon. DD told me X was in the bath but while there X came out.

X was wearing a mini-skirt length robe of animal print fabric (I almost laughed) with very comfy houseshoes that did not match the robe in any sense, shape color or form. I commented to her, "Those shoes don't really go with that robe, you know." I don't recall her response but she looked down and giggled a bit.

OMH was lurking as he usually does, staying one his feet and milling around. He had another surgery and was limping to boot. One day I may just tell him to, "Sit down somewhere and relax, I'm not going to steal her back from you."

The odd thing is X never wore animal print anything before and commented negatively on her friends that did.

The sad thing is DS cried today when I told him he and his sister are going back to X tomorrow.

[forward]

Sleeper, You've been doing well with staying away from her and not getting enmeshed with her.

Oh, surgeries...hmm, there is some additional reality that should be descending.

As far as animal prints, I've been buying them lately. <smile>

[wifeleft2009]

funny how they hated things befor and now its ok... my WAW is that was will all sorts of stuff

[sleeper]

Yesterday, X texted asking to have the kids for lunch. She had asked by phone late the night before but I had given her an ambiguous answer as she had caught me offguard while driving. I declined to let her have them as I had tentative plans with them and texted her so. I didn't mention it was my time as that was understood. She texted back "K" (OK).

I later learned OMH was out of town and X was alone for the day. Makes sense she would want the kids in a cake-eating, doesn't like to be alone, experiencing the consequences of her choices kind of way.

She requested kidswap early today as she had tickets to an event and wanted to take the kids. I agreed for the kid's sake as it didn't crimp my plans.

You've been doing well with staying away from her and not getting enmeshed with her.

"To enmesh or not to enmesh, that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by
Oposing end them..." Sleeper

I mentiioned at kidswap how much I missed the kids when she has them and she texted.....

HER: "You can come see them tonight if you want."

"Or tomorrow as well : )"

ME: " I wouldn't want to intrude on you and your husband."

HER: "They're your kiddos...Anytime just let me know!"

ME: "It just seems so messed up sometimes."

HER: "Yes it does and I hate that."

"But always know I will make it possible for you to be with the kiddos."

ME: No further response.

"We see plans within plans" Third stage Guild navigator, Dune

If I start hanging out at her and OMH's place to be with my kids he will defecate kiln-fired earthern building blocks. X and OMH fought pre-nuptuals when I the kids and I dropped in one evening to get some of the kid's things (I still had a key to the house). On the other hand this could be an overture to X having the kids whenever she desires on my time as she wanted them this weekend but was denied.

This is another "double bind" as my counselor coined a phrase several months ago. Frankly I have known for some time if I wished to put a wedge betwen them I believe I could. On the other hand the idea of either of us having access to the kids whenever we wish is problematic.

"To enmesh or not to enmesh...

[Walking]

Frankly I have known for some time if I wished to put a wedge betwen them I believe I could.

I've been wondering if you'd articulated that to yourself ...

Sleeper I get how sad you are about the break down of your marriage and how you (probably) still love your x wife. I also suspect that your xwife may be up for considering an affair with you.

The thing is, you are a different man today than you were when you guys were living together. You have used this time of crisis to learn discipline, the capacity to quite the screaming child within when it's not appropriate to be a screaming child (I needed that lesson!), you've learned to be a mature man who has coped with one of the most difficult things that has ever likely happened to you.

Your xwife on the other hand has been so uncomfortable in her crisis that she's medicated it with a new dysfunctional relationship and can still barely stand her own company. She's still on her journey and she hasn't hit the place where she understands she has to change her behaviour in order to find the happiness she's seeking.

v

[sleeper]

...she's medicated it with a new dysfunctional relationship...

I fear dysfunctional relationships are all she has ever known. It is her "normal".

She also enjoys change a bit too much and that's probably another way of running away, by distracting herself with the change at hand.

I have tried to take the high road through all of this. I find myself questioning of late whether that was wise or not. Nice guys finish last, you know.

Yes this is the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. This is the end of the third year of it. I had a bad night last night and find myself down. It's probably the combo of the holidays, not having my kids and the anniversary of the split. I had a rough night last night. Couldn't sleep, got up at 4:30 am.

I'm going out of town for a vacation of sorts I've had planned for some time today. The timing is good.

[Andabelle]

Do you know anything about Anais Nin? Cake-eater extraordinaire-- she juggled 2 husbands. I think your X would do the same if she could get away with it.

The anniversary of my bomb-drop is this week, so I can relate. I am glad you are getting away for a bit.

Maybe you should keep your communications with your X strictly business from now on. I fear the craziness is wearing you down.

[sleeper]

I fear the craziness is wearing you down.

I'm much better. Trip was a blast! The best Christmas present I could have given myself. Hotel in the French Quarter, spent New Year's Eve on Bourbon Street.

I sense the craziness is beginning to wear on her end a bit now.

It's that Karma thing, you know.

[Andabelle]

Glad you had a good time! As for karma biting her in the arse, that's as it should be.

[forward]

checking on sleeper