Sorry I just saw your thread and read your entire first post. I don't have time to catch up with everything right now, but promise I will. I owe it to you because you have brought me a long way. Like I said, I have only read your first post so I can not say much more.
I feel I have a puzzle and I am missing pieces. Not in the center but STILL I WANT IT complete damn it!!
Almost verbatim what I said in MC this morning (without the damn it part). I also added that I am hoping that my desire to complete it dissipates with time. Which I think it may, but only time will tell.
Hi Rob. Been reading through some of the other forums and ran across this little nugget on the communications board. For some reason I thought of you.
"Leave the past in the past. Bringing up “old stuff” can leave the blamed one with a sense of “why try” because they know they cannot fix the past. Focus on the present, more viable issue."
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Ok Rob, seriously, how'd those kids get so cute? Mom must be a beauty!!
I just saw your alt page.
The DB prick coaches 7 yo's, and looks like he ENJOYS it!
Too cute!
Love it, "Mom must be a beauty", yeah she's ok I guess ;-) mind you most people tell me that the kids look more like me, I'll just say that they've inherited good genes from both of us which is the truth. Thank you for the compliment, we have been blessed, our children are seriously beautiful, we're very proud parents.
As for the "db prick" enjoying coaching, LOL! Yes, I enjoyed coaching my daughter's soccer team, my first attempt at coaching youth soccer and I get 15 girls on one team, it was just crazy, too much fun and we kicked ass. We won our division, maybe I was just lucky or maybe, just maybe, a combination of incredible coaching ability along with the unstoppable athletic prowess of 15 seven year old girls on our team had something to do with it.
This year I'll be coaching my son's team because he got jealous that I coached his sister's team LOL!
Hi Rob. Been reading through some of the other forums and ran across this little nugget on the communications board. For some reason I thought of you.
"Leave the past in the past. Bringing up “old stuff” can leave the blamed one with a sense of “why try” because they know they cannot fix the past. Focus on the present, more viable issue."
I hear you Bart, I do think about this often, I've wrestled with this in my head but I want to know what happened and who it happened with regardless of our outcome.
I didn't realize that it was my thread that gave you your reputation. I wish I could give you some advice, but I really don't have much to add. I really liked Gucci's post and I think your W really wants to work things out; she just really doesn't know how.
I watched "An Emotional Life" these past few nights (a mini-series on PBS). I would suggest it for anyone on this forum. Anyway, they mentioned how adaptable the human brain is, that it can physically change to handle just about any situation. However, the adaptation only occurs as a last resort. It does not begin until there is no other way out of the crisis. I think that is what Gucci was getting at. She must change, and humans tend to change only when there is no other way out. But think carefully before giving up on her completely. I read (and don't remember where) that most divorced couple's say, in retrospect, that they wished they would have worked harder on their marriage.
I wish you the best and will be hoping that your W opens up to you. That, at least, will give your marriage a fighting chance.
I was curious when I just saw your thread; I haven't been here much lately. I admit, I only read this last post of yours but I'm curious, why did you barrel past the following?
Quote:
And then she mentioned that she's been going to personal counselling for her issues and she wants me to come there, I asked why, she said it would be easier to tell me things in that environment.
Why not go in where she feels safe being honest with you if that is really what you want?
You do come off as sooo paternal and self-righteous. If I were her I'd want some hope of equanimity before I even considered moving further but I get where you're at. You have the upper hand and you know your bottom line.
